


Found Me Again

by BlackRitual



Series: Found You Again - YuujixNagisa [3]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Fluff, Headcanon, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, This fic has it all kiddies, True Love, assassin kisses, longfic, some nsfw chapters later but nothing too explicit, very long-term
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:27:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 64,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRitual/pseuds/BlackRitual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years and a lifetime in the future, Nagisa is the most amazing man that Yuuji has ever met. And summoning up the courage to date him was the best decision that Yuuji ever made. As adults, however, their lives are different. Yuuji has as much heart as ever. But does he have the fortitude to last as an assassin's lover? Nagisa has come back from his life as an assassin. But what does it mean to be dating a man who kills? All must reach its conclusion. But there are still many more events that must happen in the meantime.</p><p>This is what it means to truly “see” a person.</p><p>--</p><p>Yuuji takes Nagisa in his arms, holds him close, and almost can’t believe it’s possible to be this happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Again Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome back! For those of you confused about what this fic is, I highly recommend reading the prequels first: Found You Again and The Blue Lady. Links are available on my page. Don't worry; even though the first one is kinda long, it's a light read, and the sequel itself is very short! I will try to make it so that reading the prequels is not necessary in order to enjoy this story, however, they will heighten your enjoyment considerably, and make the events contained within make a lot more sense.
> 
> Yuuji Norita is that one guy who developed a crush on Nagisa during the crossdressing episode/chapter in the summer island arc. Yeah, that two-shot character. Yeah, I did just dedicate over a year of my life writing stuff about Nagisa and him. I dunno, I thought he had potential. And so here we are.
> 
> NOTE ON THE TIMELINE: My Yuujigisa works are meant to kinda float outside of the canon timeline, but I loosely imagine all this as taking place *halfway* through the final manga chapter. Basically, the Class E kids are all adults and taking care of their mountain, but Nagisa did not go on to become a teacher right away. He made…a different career choice instead. Another 2 years went by, during which the Class E kids began to settle into their careers and enjoy their adult lives. So basically, this takes place during the time skip, but in a slightly AU fashion where the skip is more extended.

One thing was for sure. Ever since that day on the summer island, Yuuji Norita's life had been anything but boring.

Yuuji tried to swallow down his nervousness as the three of them walked up the short path. The fine gravel crunched beneath his feet, the path's decorative edges spreading back to where two other figures followed behind him at a respectful distance. It was a new day, and the sun already rose high in the sky above. The dull air of Tokyo hung on the breeze.

Quickly, Yuuji snuck a glance at the two men behind him—one Karma Akabane, and a certain Nagisa Shiota.

Karma strode lazily by Nagisa's side. The red-haired man was almost ridiculously tall now, only adding onto his intimidating appearance. As usual, every step he took seemed to speak of confidence and felt designed to provoke challenge. His hair was styled and cut short. He wore the same plain suit that he had back in the hotel. Karma's movements were graceful, even with both hands shoved deep inside of his pockets, but his amber eyes sparkled and his mouth ticked upward into a smirk as if ready to let out the perfect quip at any moment.

And then there was Nagisa. Yuuji felt his mind skip a moment, unable to come up with any way to define the young man. Instead it left a space, as if preserving a pocket in the world for him to fill. Nagisa was the same as ever—short stature, watchful gaze, unassuming presence as he stepped after Yuuji. The young man's hair was a gentle blue, in stark contrast to Karma's, and tied up in pigtails. His eyes were the shade of the sea. He kept his hands relaxed down by his sides, face open and expression polite. If one didn't know better, it would be possible to mistake him for a girl upon first glance. Upon second glance, though, any person would soon realize that they had been sorely mistaken. Yuuji knew this first-hand.

With some concentration, Yuuji managed to tear his gaze away. As always, the sight of the young man made Yuuji feel inexplicably better.

For a second, memories overtook him. Yuuji still couldn't believe what had happened in the hotel—Nagisa returning, returning after seven long years, from a career that had turned out to be exactly what Yuuji had guessed, and saying that he still wanted to see Yuuji, reminding the two of them about everything that they had done as kids, of everything they had felt for one another, still felt, rediscovering that their feelings hadn't changed. Then the political assassination. Yuuji assisting Nagisa through the ballroom. The resulting danger, and the delivery of the reward money. Their hotel room…

A warm feeling shot through Yuuji's heart. If it was Nagisa, Yuuji thought, he almost didn't mind using the word "boyfriends" to describe what they were. _No,_ Yuuji realized. Actually, he didn't mind it at all.

At last, they reached the gate. "Alright, here we are," Yuuji said, keying in the security code and placing one hand on the handle. "Since I was the one who invited both of you here, I hope you're not too disappointed."

When he looked back over his shoulder, Yuuji found the two men fixated on some spot above him. Nagisa was silent, staring up at the building in front of him with wide eyes. Karma didn't say a word, but he was looking as well, chin tilted slightly upwards to take in the sight with one eyebrow raised.

"Wow," Nagisa breathed. "This is your house?"

Yuuji blinked. "Um, yeah."

Slowly, Nagisa moved his head side-to-side as if to get a better look. "But it's got multiple rooms, and a balcony, and such huge windows and stuff… There's even a tree out front. I mean, is this really all for one person?"

To the side, Karma stifled a laugh. "Nagisa, I'm pretty sure most houses have 'multiple rooms'," he sniggered.

Nagisa's expression turned sheepish. "You know what I mean!"

Yuuji watched the two of them, a slight confusion churning in his gut. "Well, yeah," Yuuji said. "It's not too much to take care of, or anything. I live alone, so it's not like stuff really piles up around the place…"

Privately, Yuuji's mind raced to think of what on earth they could be fixated on. He was a young adult, independent from his parents, with his own life to live, and had a steady, high-paying income, for which he needed to commute to and from the city. What was weird about that? Admittedly, this house was a little closer in design to those from Western countries rather than Japanese ones, Yuuji would agree. But that was it.

"Is it really...that strange?" Yuuji asked, voice timid.

The two men just looked at him. "I'm pretty sure most people don't buy a whole house right after graduating college," Nagisa supplied.

Karma was silent, but from his stare, Yuuji could tell that he agreed.

Yuuji felt his face turn red. Cursing his genetics for making him a person who blushed so easily, Yuuji turned the gate handle, stepping through and motioning for the others to follow. "W-well it was more like a graduation present," he stammered. "My parents helped out with buying it, and helped me set it up, but it's my name on the deed and everything. I mean, I'm pretty established in my job at the moment, so it's not like I'm going anywhere. Might as well have a strong base. Plus, land was really cheap when we were looking around here…"

He muttered further weak explanations as he led the two men to the door. Standing in the high-arched entryway, Yuuji squirmed uncomfortably. "It's not a big thing, really," Yuuji mumbled, wishing to god that this wouldn't embarrass the two men or make them feel uncomfortable.

Nonetheless, the three of them went inside. They paused in the entryway to take off their shoes, Yuuji opening up a small closet for their coats. The interior of the house was warmly lit, although sparsely decorated. The hallway surrounding them was made from wood paneling and cream-colored walls.

Eventually, they gathered around the low-lying table in Yuuji's living room, sitting down with a few scattered sighs. Karma brought out drinks and placed them on the tabletop, making Yuuji first feel embarrassed that he hadn't offered anything to his guests, then annoyed as he realized that Karma must have snuck into the kitchen and snagged them from the refrigerator when Yuuji hadn't been looking. When Yuuji glared, Karma's only response was a mischievous smile.

"So," Karma said, popping open a can of soda. "This is where life finds us after so many years."

"Yep," said Nagisa, accepting a can when Karma offered.

"Kinda strange, isn't it?" Yuuji joined, not wanting to feel left out. A wistful smile came to his face. "Feels like things went by so slow and yet so fast."

Karma snorted. "Yeah, but when some things are important, you remember them as if they were yesterday." He cast another glance around. "But for real, though. This is a nice place."

Yuuji scratched the back of his head self-consciously. "Thanks."

"I see you've been making quite the name for yourself."

"It's nothing, really," Yuuji said on automatic. Ah yes. The familiar, ritualistic patterns of adult conversation.

"And speaking of jobs…" Karma turned his attention across the table. "That reminds me of what we were talking about back at the hotel. Our dear Nagisa, becoming an actual assassin." Karma waggled his eyebrows at the man seated across from him. "Just couldn't stay away, huh?"

Nagisa's only response was a quiet smile. "Like you're one to talk," he replied. "Last I heard, you were in another line of business, Karma. Something rather similar."

"Only every now and then," came the smooth reply.

Sitting behind his drink can, Yuuji felt his blood run cold for a moment. Something similar? His mind raced. Had the top two members of Class E both ended up in the same line of work? And he had both of them just sitting casually at his table?

Karma waved at Yuuji. "Oh, I've been working as a hired bodyguard," he explained. "You would never believe the amount of paranoid fat-cats out there…or actually, maybe you would, hm? Anyway, once people hear that I was in Class E, they're usually only too happy to accept that as qualification. The jobs pay well, and it gives me an outlet for our more…physical skills."

"You mean it's a good excuse to beat someone up," Nagisa chimed in from the side.

Karma shrugged. "True, too true."

Yuuji shifted uncomfortably in his seat. So he was right to be uneasy around Karma. He could tell that the man had been slightly joking, but still. Wow. Yuuji let out a breath. These people really were incredible.

"Didn't you say something else in the hotel, though?" Yuuji blurted out before he could think. "I thought you mentioned other stuff, like the police force, or…I dunno, the military?"

"Oh yeah," Karma drawled, sounding bored. "I did look into the police, but it's not my kind of life. As for the military, honestly I feel like they've got enough of us suckers already. I need something with a little more…entertainment factor."

He grinned—a terrible, wolfish showing of fangs. "I'm currently scoping out another place. Seeing how it works, checking for cracks. Despite doing all this other stuff, I've still managed to keep my eye on an even bigger prize, y'know? And the entrance exams for government officials will be held soon."

Karma straightened up and held his head high. "I'm gonna be a bureaucrat. And this government will work for me."

Yuuji fought to keep his face neutral as a shiver slid down his spine. He took it all back. That was even more terrifying to think of.

But Nagisa just gave a short laugh. "As expected of Karma. Only you could have such razor-sharp focus, and keep up with your studies in secret for so long."

Then Nagisa's grin became teasing. "You know Karma, you talk big, but I bet it's all one big charade. Once you're in power, you'll be able to pull a bunch of strings from the shadows. That's what you've always talked about, right? And if it's you, with your brilliant mind, I'm sure you could change a lot of things for the better."

Karma's smirk faded into something almost self-conscious. "Tch. Who says I was gonna phrase it like that? I'm just doing what I know best, that's all. Just like that old octopus said, we all have to help the world with our own talents. And this is mine."

For a moment, Karma's expression softened as he looked back over at Nagisa. "Sometimes, after an awful lot of trouble, all you gotta do is return to your strengths."

Then Karma shrugged. "Y'know, I think all we need to know, we learned in middle school," he said. "Social stuff, how to navigate what other people think of you, how to keep up with your work, what kind of person you are, et cetera. Oh, and don't forget learning how to save the world." He said the last bit with a straight face.

Against Yuuji's best efforts, he found himself holding back a chuckle. "Hey, _some_ of us learned how to save the world," he interjected. Yuuji shook his head. "Not all of us went to Kunugigaoka."

Karma returned a grin. He flourished one hand out toward Nagisa. "And what are you going to do, Nagisa? Are you just staying in Tokyo for a while before your next assignment, or?"

Yuuji's stomach twisted for a brief moment at the man's words, and he took a sip of his drink in order to hide it. This was the moment he had been fearing. Yuuji didn't want to admit it, but that was a question he had too. He gripped his drink. The two of them had just gotten back together, he reflected. Surely Nagisa wouldn't… So soon?

Nagisa looked down at the table. His fingers tapped lightly against the side of his drink can. "Actually," he said, "I'm…thinking of taking a break."

Out of the corner of his vision, Yuuji's saw Karma's eyes go wide. "What?" Karma exclaimed.

Nagisa gave a calm nod. "I mean, just taking it easy," he explained. "I've worked hard these past few years, and it's made me learn a lot about the profession. Either way, I've been thinking that it might be good to lay low for a while, especially after doing so much across so many different border lines."

"I know it's not common, especially in this line of work," Nagisa said, sipping his drink, "but I think I should have built up at least a little bit of a buffer with my recent jobs. Being back in my home country is… Well, it's a nice feeling. But also very strange. I want to enjoy it. And I've been thinking about what I want to do in the future."

Yuuji was too stunned to speak. His eyes felt frozen wide. It couldn't be. Nagisa, who had always shown such talent for the assassination arts, who had seemed bent on that track from day one of them meeting…he was taking a break from his work? But at the same time, Yuuji couldn't deny that he felt a light buzz of relief at the thought. Burning with shame, he stared down at the table in frustration with himself. Dammit, Yuuji cursed inside his head, if he loved Nagisa, he should support him no matter what, right? ...Right? God, why was this suddenly so difficult?

"Oh, I see," Karma muttered, slowly recovering from his shock. "Well, it's your life. I guess none of us can really force you into doing anything."

Then a thought seemed to occur to him. "Ah, whoops," Karma said, turning to Yuuji, his tone as casual as talking to a stranger on the sidewalk. "My bad. This has got nothing to do with you."

Yuuji blinked. "What?"

Nagisa frowned across the table. "Nothing to do with him? He's our friend!"

"But we're talking about, like, some pretty serious stuff here," Karma said. "I just mean that he- you-" he said, turning for a moment to Yuuji, "-shouldn't have to worry about it. It's not anything that's he's involved in. We gotta at least be considerate of who gets caught up in the fallout, Nagisa."

"He's not collateral!"

"Still, it is a bit dangerous, being involved with an assassin," Karma maintained. "Or with conspirators. He's not even a member of Class E, how would he have the background for this stuff?"

The two of them talked on and on, delving into terms and references to their shadowy other lives that Yuuji didn't understand. Yuuji found himself confined to the sidelines, trying time and time again to open his mouth and interrupt, but unable to ever find an opening. Irritation shot through his limbs once he realized he was being ignored. His fingers twitched with a sudden resolve. He wanted to do something. Needed to.

"I can help!" Yuuji burst out.

The two men looked at him with pure confusion.

"I can help you guys out," Yuuji repeated. "All of you, I mean. 'Cause of my job." Excitement bubbled up within Yuuji as he concentrated on talking, deciding to not think too hard about what he was doing at the moment. "Look, I might not be the strongest, or have any of your special training. But as a news anchor, that gives me control over something even more valuable: information. What the public knows, what perspective they're given on it, how they feel about it, how it's presented…all of that depends on the use of my voice."

He continued on, eyes flashing with passion. "Names and places changed, edited, and so on, I can do that. I mean, I couldn't cover up a murder, but I could at least affect what people think about it. And usually, that means a lot. It can mean the difference between people talking about something for a week or for only a day. If you need a certain event emphasized, de-emphasized, that's all a question of coverage. And coverage is what I give."

"Of course, that's only possible to a certain extent," Yuuji admitted. "I couldn't mess with things too much or I'd risk my job, but…it's something at least. That would help, right?"

Karma stared back at him, unblinking. For a few seconds all was quiet. Then Karma turned to Nagisa. "Huh," Karma spoke. "I guess he's not so useless after all."

Nagisa just gave a soft smile. "Told you," he said, his voice bursting with pride.

Karma snorted. "Hmph." He cast a glance toward Yuuji and took another sip of his drink. "Alright, then. It's your choice if you wanna be involved or not. I'm just letting you know that I can't guarantee your safety."

"That's fine," Yuuji said. Briefly, he noticed that his heart rate and breathing were slightly faster than before. He felt ablaze with victory, every centimeter of him alive. Stifling it down, he looked towards Nagisa. "I just want to help Class E."

Nagisa nodded. The young man's expression was grateful but apologetic. "That's awful generous of you, Yuuji."

Yuuji shrugged and tried to hide the small grin that he felt in response. God, how immature—one bit of praise and he was all aglow inside! Keep it together, he ordered himself. "Just want to do my part," he mumbled.

A few moments of calm fell over the room. In their hush, quiet seconds came and went.

Then, Karma clapped his hands once for attention. "So, let's discuss," he said in the ensuing subject change. "What are we gonna do now?"

He pointed one finger towards Nagisa. "You just stated that you weren't leaving Japan for a while. I assume that means you're staying here in Tokyo?"

Nagisa's face held a slight frown, but the young man nodded.

"Then you'll need a place to stay. Actually, we might both need a place," Karma sighed. "I do have my own digs here, but they're only temporary."

Nagisa looked down at the table, hands holding the soda can in front of him. "I…suppose I do have my parents," he said hesitantly. "But I don't think I want to live with one of them. Explaining things would be hard. And I don't know how long I'd be staying for. Plus-" his fingers tightened on the drink can, "-I…kind of want some time to myself."

Karma nodded in response. There was a period of thoughtful silence. Then Karma turned to Yuuji. "Hey. How long does your 'you guys can stay at my place' invitation last?"

"Huh? Oh," Yuuji stuttered, startled. "Well, I didn't really think of a time limit. I mean, it's no problem, I've got plenty of room…"

A thought dawned upon all of them at the same time.

"Y'know," Karma gave a smirk, an electric feeling of anticipation beginning to crackle around the room, "My apartment isn't actually too far from here. It'd be a cinch to pack up a bag 'n come over for a while. So…"

Karma cocked an eyebrow. "Sleepover?"

"Sleepover!" Nagisa agreed, his face brightening.

Yuuji watched the other men's enthusiasm, losing himself in their excitement for a moment. Then he smiled, feeling himself relax. "Sure," Yuuji said. "We could do that."

Briefly, memories flashed through his mind. One day many years ago, when a teenaged Nagisa had come to stay the night, the both of them setting up futons in Yuuji's room, and the soft glow of Nagisa's hair in the moonlight. And other memories, much more recent. Yuuji coming home to his new house after work. Alone. The lights always being off. Turning on the hall lights and whispering 'I'm home', to no one. The outside dark, cold and gray.

Yuuji smiled to himself. Yeah. After so long, it might be nice to have company.

"Welp, that settles it." Karma rose from the table. With a nod to Yuuji, he cleared away his empty soda can and turned toward the door. "I'll go get my stuff. There's just a few things I'll need. Be right back, you two."

"Thank you, Yuuji," Nagisa spoke, also pushing himself away from the table and standing. Yuuji guessed that he probably had to get his stuff too, from wherever the young assassin had stashed it. Then Nagisa paused for a moment. "Are you really certain we can stay?" he checked.

"Of course," Yuuji assured him, waving away Nagisa's concerns with one hand. "It's no trouble. I'm happy to have you guys here."

A thought suddenly struck him. "Also, I'm a lot cheaper than a hotel," Yuuji joked. "So it only makes sense."

Nagisa laughed, making Yuuji's stomach swoop. He always laughed at Yuuji's stupid jokes. He always did. "I guess so," Nagisa said. His eyes still speaking of thanks, the young man gave a short bow and turned to leave.

Yuuji stared after him. A warm, light feeling was buzzing around Yuuji's shoulders, and he never wanted it to stop. Clearing his throat, Yuuji suddenly called out before the young man could leave. Anything to see that face one more time. "N-Nagisa?"

Nagisa paused. He turned to look back at Yuuji, frowning in confusion.

At the sight, Yuuji felt something that he couldn't quite describe. A genuine expression rose to the top and shone across his face. "Please," Yuuji said. "You're welcome to stay as long as you'd like."

A moment passed. Then, slowly, a small smile pulled at the edges of Nagisa's lips. It was a thin crescent, curtailed at the edges, shy and warm and bright and completely unforgettable, stunning like the hint of a sunbeam. Nagisa nodded at him in acknowledgement.

Then the young man disappeared behind the doorway.

Yuuji sat there as he heard the soft rustlings of his two new houseguests leaving, the door swinging open and shut. But they would be back. He knew they would. Yuuji sat and thought, feeling so many emotions he didn't even know how to begin sorting out. He thought about that smile, so much alike and yet so very different from the one he had gotten in a club long ago. Yuuji was so glad he had given up denying his feelings, leaving himself free to just enjoy this moment. He held that gift of warmth within him like a spark, hoping it would become a flame.

Slowly, Yuuji took a deep breath and let it out. His house was a mess, his life had just undergone a very important interruption, and he had two guests to care for. He couldn't wait to see what would happen next.

One thing was for sure. Yuuji was happier than he had been in a long, long time.


	2. Game Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOR FUCK'S SAKE, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SHORT CHAPTER (rages)
> 
> Also, couldn't fit this into chp. 1's Author's Note so I'll say this here:
> 
> Okay, in full honesty I gotta warn you guys. The style of this fic will likely be a lot more episodic than the prequels. Since this installment contains most of my random ideas for this couple, in my mind it doesn't have much of a plot, and kind of meanders after a while. My original envisioning for FYA was in a shorter, one-shot like style, so this actually works out for me, but it might be a bit different given what you guys are used to. I just wanted to tell you because I know a lot of people praised The Blue Lady for its plot. Up front, TBL is admittedly the only installment of this trilogy where I had a concrete plot that I really knew solid and wanted to get through in detail. So just a heads-up.
> 
> Currently my estimate for this fic is a length of about 30 chapters (!!!). Don't worry, they might be shorter than my last ones. Also, I might try to combine multiple events into single chapters, because otherwise that's just gonna be way too long.
> 
> Target end-date for this fic is within the year of 2017!

This was the worst idea of his life.

Yuuji frowned. How on earth did he get into this situation?

He peered down at the table. On top of it was a small tower made of tan wooden blocks. The blocks were stacked three together, oriented in opposite directions, piled up in one tall, rectangular pillar. It reached a height of about Yuuji's nose. Throughout the structure certain pieces were missing, leaving stark box-shaped holes exposed to the open air. With all the gaps and empty spaces, the building was starting to look like some sort of crumbling Mayan temple.

After a moment of deep thought, Karma leaned over the table from Yuuji's left. He removed a block from the layer above a layer where two blocks had already been taken, leading the tower to quiver as he pulled away. It was now Yuuji's turn, and the tower was more unstable than ever.

Yuuji held back a groan. Yup. Playing Jenga with assassins had been a terrible idea.

Yuuji reached out and carefully pried away the first piece that caught his eye. After him, Nagisa began his turn. They went through the motions—one person taking out a bottom block, or a side piece, or a center piece if they were able, soon leaving a gaping hole throughout the center of the structure. Slowly, or confidently if one wanted to intimidate their opponents, they would place each removed block on top. Occasionally someone would attempt a risky move that looked impressive, but left the next person facing almost certain doom. As Yuuji watched, Nagisa just barely managed to coax a stubborn side block out from where it had been dutifully holding up the left side of the tower, giving a small sigh in relief as the risk transferred over to Karma. The other man nodded in recognition and stared at the tower in deep thought.

Eventually, Yuuji made a mistake. His brow furrowed in concentration as he pulled on his next block, Karma and Nagisa making encouraging noises and cheering from either side of him, but as Yuuji felt the block hitch in his fingers he knew it was no good. Whatever blasted friction there was hooked onto other pieces and pulled the entire tower along with it. The entire structure fell to the table with a harsh-sounding crash. Yuuji winced and sighed. Together, all three of them pushed the fallen blocks to the middle and began to stack them back up again.

Yuuji shot a glance up at the clock. The hour hand was at one. And their wins and losses? All Yuuji could say was that he was glad they weren't keeping track.

"My turn," Karma said, lazily snatching away one of the bottom pieces. "Take this, you jerks."

"Take this?" Nagisa shook his head. "That's not even an intimidating move, Karma."

"Whatever."

"Eh, let him talk," Yuuji supplied as he finished up his next move. "It'll be all the more embarrassing when he loses."

Karma grinned. "Big words."

"Hm. Fine, then," Nagisa said, raising his fingers and posing dramatically in front of the tower. "Take this! My own special move-"

The small building aged in front of their eyes, rapidly becoming a ruin. Most of its layers were missing a block or two by now, forming n-shaped rows without their center piece, other levels looking like tables, or like dancers balancing on point struggling to support the weight above them. The entirety of the structure below the halfway point looked like it had been mangled. At one point, there was an especially tense moment where the tower was left swaying on two one-block layers, in the shape of a tiny x. The tower wobbled without even being touched. All three players held their breath so as not to disturb it.

"There," Karma scoffed as he added his removed piece to the top after succeeding in a risky move. "Told you I could pull it off."

"Hmm. Indeed," said Nagisa.

"Heh-heh. See what you can even do after Yuuji's done."

"Alright… I think I'll try this."

"What the heck kinda move is that? You've gotten soft, Nagisa."

"Have not. Yuuji, tell him to stop being an idiot."

"Yuuji, tell him to stop being stupid."

"Oh, real mature Karma. My turn again… There we go."

"Hmph. Take this!"

"You sure like saying that."

"Shut up and take this seriously! You're not even playing the game anymore, you're just making the tower look nice. See, when you pull out all those center pieces, it looks like a miniature temple!"

"So? Maybe I like the artistic feel."

"Artistic, my ass. Like hell you're making a career-change in the middle of a Jenga game."

"Dunno, dude."

"Stop that! This is a game of destruction, not creation. It doesn't matter how pretty you make the tower, it's all doomed to come crumbling down."

"If you say so. But now for the final piece…"

"You're not even- Oh, wait. I see what you're doing. Hmm. Damn, that's one tricky arrangement…"

Yuuji watched the two of them, joining in whenever his turn demanded it. The blocks clicked and clacked as he removed them from the tower and placed them on top.

On his left, Karma stared at the structure. Faintly, the table began to shake, shockwaves emanating from where the man's knees would be beneath the tabletop. When Nagisa reached out to start his turn, Karma leaned over and blew air on the tower as hard as he could.

"Karma, that's cheating!" complained Nagisa, snatching his hand away.

"It's called strategy," the man replied with a grin.

Despite himself, Yuuji smiled. The two assassins definitely had certain advantages over him in this game. The two men had sly, nimble fingers, their hands remaining steady even as they skimmed over the tower's surface. They touched deftly, lightly tapping on each block, searching for a possible weak point. Honestly, Yuuji hadn't even thought of that. He was now copying what he had seen from Nagisa, feeling like some gross tree creature tapping through wood in search of insects. Sometimes Karma and Nagisa didn't even need to touch, merely scanning the tower before reaching out with one hand. And they were more willing to take daring moves, in the form of surprise attacks of course, such as removing the final remaining side piece or a block from the base when their opponents least expected it.

That being said, Yuuji still felt he was able to keep up with them surprisingly well.

"Oh, damn!" Nagisa cursed as the tower collapsed with an ear-rending smash. From what Yuuji could tell, he had gotten overconfident and elected to try a daring move over a safer one. An assassin's luck could only last for so long, and he had paid the price.

Yuuji hid a grin behind the heel of his hand. It was fun to see the young man so flustered. And at least it made him feel less bad about losing earlier.

The three of them sorted through the playing pieces again, Nagisa still frowning at his loss, before building up the tower and starting another game. They continued on as usual, pieces being removed, taunts being delivered, someone saying something to make a person laugh and almost knock over the tower on their turn, earning them a good-natured shove in response. After a while, it all settled down into a familiar rhythm.

They were in the middle of the game when Karma spoke.

Out of the silence of deep thought, words came. "Hey," said Karma, his voice directed toward Yuuji. "Not to be weird or anything, but what would you say your sexual orientation is? Like, if someone asked?"

"What?" Yuuji jumped, startled out of reaching for his next block.

"I mean, you honestly don't have to answer if you don't want." Karma shrugged. "I'm just curious."

Yuuji hesitated. Karma probably hadn't intended it, but that question had made all of his insides seize up at once. Yuuji sent a glance towards Nagisa out of the corner of his eye, checking to see what the other man thought of the sudden question. Nagisa's face held a slight frown, but it was more of a curious, 'why-this-now' frown than a suspicious frown. Looked safe enough.

Still feeling a nervous jumping inside his chest, Yuuji took a breath. "Uhh…" he said. Oh god, did he actually have an answer to this? He thought hard, forcing his brain to sort through all the options he knew, trying on labels and terms at the speed of light. Honestly, it wasn't like he hadn't thought about this before, but…

"I guess…uh, bisexual?" Yuuji shrugged over the pounding of his heart.

Karma gave an accepting nod in response. Nagisa just gave a light "hm".

"I mean, that's what makes the most sense, I think, " Yuuji blabbed, "looking at my life experiences so far. Although, I haven't actually dated many women…"

For some reason, a surge of embarrassment welled up within him, making Yuuji scratch the back of his head. "I actually dated two girls back in middle school," he told them. "Like waaaaay back, before Nagisa. As in, as a first- and second-year, about? But…man, looking back on it, those weren't real relationships."

Yuuji grimaced at the memories. "I don't know about you guys, but back in early middle school, it was pretty obvious that no one had any idea what they were doing. People would pair up because their friends thought they would be cute together, or because they just wanted to start trying out this dating thing, and overthink it. Like, one day you'd see your one friend of the opposite sex and go, 'oh hey, I don't hate you, um uh, does this mean I _like_ you, should we be dating or something, um, oh man,' and so you'd be 'together' for like one week and then end it because you realized you never actually felt anything in the first place." Yuuji gestured outward with one hand. "I mean, that sort of stuff just wasn't _genuine_ , y'know? At least, nothing compared to what…what I know now," he stuttered, thinking of how he felt with Nagisa.

"So yeah, anyway," Yuuji said, fighting a blush as he tried to bring them back to the main topic. "That….makes it kinda hard for me to tell for sure if I'm bi or not. I mean, did I ever really like those girls, or did I just think I did?"

Nagisa nodded, absentmindedly flipping a game block above the table's surface. "Well, what made you choose them?" he asked from the side. "Was there anything that caught your eye?"

"Nothing!" Yuuji replied. "Like I told you, it was just because we knew each other and didn't completely hate each other. I don't even remember their names or faces!" Yuuji laughed for a moment before being struck by a sense of shame. He hung his head. "I mean, that probably just means I'm a jerk. But still…like I said, not a fully deep connection."

Yuuji scowled. "Honestly, this whole thing has really helped me rethink my views on women," he admitted, eyes glancing off to the side, tone disgusted with himself. "I mean, they were always there. But I…think I was kinda using them more as decoration than anything else. You know that claim that guys tend to look at women as objects rather than people?" Yuuji shook his head. "And you know those clubs, like the one you met me in? Most people make sure to have a girl or two with them. If you don't have one, you pick one up. It's like some sort of popularity thing, to make yourself look like a player. So, like, I'd always try to have some sitting with me too. Which sucks. And wasn't fair. It…wasn't fair to them."

"So yeah, about whether or not I'm bisexual, I… I dunno." Yuuji's shoulders slumped. "It's hard to tell."

Karma nodded. "But that was, like, in the past though," Karma spoke again, his tone gentle. "You could always look at what you feel now."

Yuuji frowned, peering over at the other man. All of these questions were staring to make him suspicious. But taking one look at Karma and Nagisa, Karma's expression neutral, Nagisa gazing back at him with wide, curious eyes, Yuuji sensed no trace of criticism or reproach. They must have been just honestly trying to help him out.

At the sight, Yuuji relaxed a little. "I…guess? I dunno," he mumbled. Yuuji tried to follow that advice, bringing his focus back to himself and recent years. Tons of thoughts and images raced through his head, but none of them concrete. A sense of dull confusion churned in his gut. Every time he thought he had something, another thought would arise that would make him doubt that answer.

Eventually, Yuuji hooked a thumb towards Nagisa. "I mean, I'm taken," he said at last, "so I haven't really been looking at anyone else, y'know what I mean? I'm not interested in letting my eyes wander." At his words, Nagisa ducked his head. The young man's bangs hid an embarrassed smile.

"And if I were to look, I dunno if I'd be really liking _the woman_ or just being conditioned by society, y'know?" Yuuji continued, his words picking up pace. "I mean like, I might look, but then think, No wait do I actually think she's hot, or do I just recognize that she'd be hot to most people? And then I overthink it, and can't quite tell anymore…" Yuuji sighed. "It's awful hard to tell what's real and what's conditioned, sometimes."

Nagisa suddenly sat up, his blue eyes flashing. "No, I understand!" he chimed in. "I've gotten that too. It's like, if you gave me a picture of two people, and asked me which one was more attractive, I could probably make a guess, but it wouldn't be 'cause I was attracted to _them_ , it would be because I know they fit the standard definition of attractiveness."

Yuuji snapped his fingers and turned to him, his heart sweeping high with recognition. "Yes! Exactly!"

Karma nodded. "Okay, okay," he said, expression thoughtful.

"But like," Karma started again, shifting in his seat and gesturing with a hand. "Pick a random woman. Say, that one celebrity. The brunette from that film that just came out last week. Do you see anything that could be attractive about her?"

"Um. Maybe?" Yuuji frowned. He tried. He honestly tried, searching for a gut feeling, a pull one way or another. That was what attractiveness was, right? Damn, in the moment it was hard to tell. "But man, everybody likes her. Everyone's talking about her photos…which I guess makes me like them less? Ugh, when certain things are popular, believe it or not I tend to have the inverse reaction to them." Yuuji scratched the back of his head again. "Eh, I guess it's just not my thing. She is pretty, but I don't know if it's in the 'I-want-to-date-that' kind of way."

"Hmm," Yuuji mumbled. He closed his eyes for a moment. Concentrating, he pooled all of his powers on self-reflection, loosely going over his entire life and sorting through words to describe it. He had never looked so honestly at his life before. The sensation felt turbulent like a sea. "I dunno, maybe I'm just gay?"

The moment those words left Yuuji's mouth, a deep uncomfortableness bubbled up within him. "Wait, no, that doesn't feel right," he said, backing down as quickly as the words had come.

He frowned, leaning over to rest his chin on one hand. "God, it's weird. I guess I like girls more aesthetically? Like, smoother edges, softer voices…" Yuuji trailed off in a wince and didn't know why. "Ah, but my most long-standing relationship is with a guy, so. I see good points in each."

Yuuji ran one hand through his hair. After so much self-questioning, it felt as if some part of him had reached its peak, and was now stretched on past the point of caring. Whatever. He was done with thinking. Taking a long, deep breath, Yuuji decided to just let himself release everything at once.

Yuuji faced Karma and shrugged, pointing over towards Nagisa with one finger. "I dunno, man. My only constant in terms of attraction is this person here. So maybe you could call me Nagisa-sexual."

Karma blinked. One full second passed before the man burst out laughing.

A thought dawned slowly across Yuuji. "Actually," Yuuji said, turning his head to stare at the blue-haired man. "Yeah. Maybe that's not too far of a reach."

Nagisa stared down at the table, blushing furiously at being made the center of attention.

"Well, I hate to say it, but when it comes to attraction to Nagisa, you're not the only one." Karma wiped away a tear from laughing. Another small giggle escaped him. "Nagisa-sexual. I love it. We could make a flag for it and everything. Just a square cut-out with a picture of Nagisa's head in the middle."

Nagisa began to protest, squabbling with Karma across the table. But still, something in the young man's face seemed almost complimented.

Yuuji grinned. The humorous exchange had made him regain a bit of confidence. He clacked one Jenga block into place on top of the tower. "And what about you, Karma?" he asked. "How would you define yourself?"

Karma stared over at Yuuji with wide amber eyes. "Me? I dunno…" He twirled a Jenga block thoughtfully between his fingers. "Pretty sure I'm straight, like about ninety percent of people out there. But like you said, I guess no one really knows for sure."

"Oh c'mon, Karma, come off it," Yuuji teased. "We're all opening up here."

"Hmm." Karma hummed as if deep in thought. Although when he spoke again, it was as casual as a person could sound when answering a question of this gravity. "I'm gonna say straight, for now. Dunno if there's anyone I really like, though. Maybe I don't like anyone."

Yuuji's interest was piqued. "You mean like…asexual?" he asked. He had heard of that.

Karma shrugged. "I don't even know."

"I thought you were already seeing someone," came a teasing voice. It belonged to Nagisa. The young man was staring over at Karma with a cat-like grin, his blue eyes sparkling. "What about you and Okuda? I seem to remember some potential from back in our school days."

Karma's expression gave an impressive flip, before settling back into neutrality almost immediately.

"Oh? Who's this?" Yuuji grinned, unable to resist joining in. A rare opportunity to tease Karma. It must be exploited. "My, oh my."

"She's a girl from E Class," Nagisa explained, his tone conspiratorial. "She's pretty handy at making potions and chemicals and all that other stuff. Karma and her used to team up for some pretty good pranks back in the day."

Karma looked down at the block tower carefully, as if considering his next move. "Ah yes, Okuda," he said. "I hear she's doing very well as a scientist these days."

Nagisa's expression fell slightly. "Well, yes. We're all making a name for ourselves. And the research department has kept her pretty busy."

"Hmm."

"Karma, you _know_ she had some feelings for you."

Karma shrugged and looked off into the distance.

After a brief pause, Nagisa returned the shrug. "All I'm saying, is that I think it'd be great for you to keep in contact with her," he said as he removed one of the tower blocks and placed it on top.

"Oh, don't worry. I am." Karma gave the two of them a sly grin. "And all I'll say is this: If she and I were to team up, we would make one hell of a pair."

Nagisa nodded.

In the following moments of silence, Yuuji shook his head. "You serious, though?" he said. "You've never even looked at another guy?"

A beat passed, during which Karma appeared to be in thought. Suddenly a flash of amusement crossed his face. "Well," Karma said, cracking a smile. "There was that one time…"

The sound of his words sunk slowly through the air before landing like a bomb. Yuuji scooted himself up against the table, feeling Nagisa do the same on his right, both of them getting as close as possible and staring at Karma with expressions screaming for him to tell them more.

"Okay, okay," Karma laughed, waving a hand at their eager faces. "Easy there. It was during a mission. One of the last ones I did before becoming a bodyguard, right? And it was in this nightclub. The night was dark, the dancefloor was packed, and everyone was having the time of their lives. But me, I had to get to the second floor. And there was this one guy guarding the stairs. Like a bouncer or something. After scoping the situation out a little bit from the side, I went up and tried to talk with him about letting me through—no dice."

Karma chuckled. He twirled a wooden block between his fingertips, their Jenga game totally forgotten now. "I had no weapons on me at the time, and didn't want to cause a scene anyways. Plus the club was hot and the lights were strobing, which made it hard to think, so…that left one other option from our lessons. I just went for it."

"Went for it?" asked Nagisa.

"Threw myself up against him, whispered in his ear, uh, said all sorts of things," Karma said, a light blush the same color as his hair rising on his cheeks. "Like, I dunno, offers, suggestions, flirtatious ideas. Asked him to dance, that kind of stuff."

"So, some time goes by and he doesn't answer," Karma continued. "This guy doesn't even move. So I spend however-many-seconds pressed up against this man's chest, part of me starting to worry, thinking 'I've done it now. I've found the only one-hundred-percent-straight man on the face of the planet. And now he's gonna call me a slur, or try to kick me out or something'. Then his arms shift, pulling me closer, and he, well…" Karma gave a nervous little laugh. "Accepts!"

Yuuji couldn't keep a grin off his face. Nagisa looked similarly amused.

"So at this point I'm like, screaming on the inside, right," Karma blabbed. "Half in relief because great my plan worked, one-quarter in amusement because this is honestly darkly hilarious, and one-quarter in just complete oh-my-god-what-the-hell. Like, I'm glad to know I have skill enough to seduce a guy, but at the same time I don't really know _if I want to be attractive to guys_ , you know?"

He joined in with some light-hearted laughter from the two of them. "It was all pretty wacky," Karma admitted.

Yuuji laughed. Slowly, a bit of curiosity crept up the back of his mind. He cleared his throat, feeling the question prickle around his shoulders. "I hate to ask," he said. "But…I mean, were you coming on as like, 'dom' or 'sub'?"

He blushed for a bit after asking, Nagisa giving him a good-natured hit on the shoulder.

Karma stared back at Yuuji before giving a light chuckle. "Honestly, I can't remember. I know I was trying to seduce him, but I can't remember the exact words. It was kinda like, ' _oh please'_ , or maybe ' _hey there, hottie'_ , um…" The young man shifted in his seat, trailing off as if too embarrassed to say more. "Heh. Yeah, in full honestly, I think I was going sub. Dunno why."

"Oh my god…" Yuuji muttered. He smiled and buried his face in his hand. This was so funny but at the same time so weird to hear about.

"I can't picture that," Nagisa spoke flatly. "I can't picture you like that at all."

Karma grinned with something that looked almost like pride. "Well, it's possible!" He waved a dismissive hand. "Anyway, so my plan worked. I pulled him to the dancefloor. All 'follow me, heehee,' and all that. We danced together for like five minutes before I left him. Said something about coming back later. Then I managed to sneak away and finally go up that damn staircase."

"You know what's funny?" Karma gave a self-conscious chuckle. "I actually meant to come back! I figured I'd go up, snatch the thing I had come to take, then come back down to finish the dance before breaking it off. But I never did! Poor guy was probably still there, waiting."

All three of them laughed, having fun with the mental image.

"That's awful," Nagisa said. "That's an awful thing to do, Karma."

"Hey, I didn't mean to," Karma said. "Like I said, I never even planned to seduce that guy in the first place. How was I supposed to remember?"

"That's too funny." Yuuji shook his head. Suddenly, an idea occurred to him—a connection between images. Meeting someone in a club. Dancing. He looked up and fixed Karma with a grin.

"He's gonna be your Yuuji. I can feel it," Yuuji teased, gratified to see a perplexed expression run across the other man's face. "He's gonna show up out of nowhere years from now, and you two are gonna meet again, and it's gonna be glorious."

Karma gave a tight smile. "Maybe," he said, shaking his head as if in doubt.

"Fine, fine." Yuuji shrugged in surrender. He winked conspiratorially, speaking in stage-whisper for a moment and nodding towards Nagisa. "Just, speaking from the perspective of your club date, give him a chance."

"What do you think, though, Karma?" Nagisa added. "Would you date the guy?"

Karma raised an eyebrow. "I couldn't see him too well underneath the strobe lights, so I don't know. He's welcome to try, I guess. Though personally I think that'd be pretty awkward."

They all fell into chuckles and light snickering for a few moments before quieting down.

"So anyway," Karma said, bringing them back together. "I'll leave my definition at that. Dunno. I guess I just don't tend to see people as love options first."

Nagisa nodded. He turned toward Yuuji as if to explain. "He views them as pawns instead."

Karma's next grin was as sharp as knives. "Exactly."

He cast a glance down at the tabletop. "Well, I think our Jenga game is done. Let's clean this up."

They sorted through the pieces, Karma giving the tower of blocks one last shove to knock it over. Hands moved across the table, gathering and collecting dozens of wooden slabs. Yuuji and Nagisa shoveled them towards Karma, the taller man holding the game bucket as Yuuji's hands formed a funnel to direct the pieces.

"Welp, that was fun. Thanks for the game, guys," Karma said as he stood, one hand grasping the string of the cylindrical bucket. "I'll go put this back."

"Oh, seriously?" Yuuji asked, feeling flattered. This wasn't even the man's house. "Thanks for taking care of tha-" Yuuji's words cut off as he noticed a stray block lying on the ground beneath the table. Before he could tell Karma, the other man had already stepped out into the hall.

"I got it," Yuuji mumbled to himself, bending down and bracing one hand on the tabletop in order to push himself beneath.

He reached toward the wooden block. Just before his fingers reached it, he saw the piece snatched away by a different, smooth hand. Yuuji looked up and was met with the face of Nagisa. The young man looked back at him with clear blue eyes. "Here," he offered, holding out the block.

Yuuji quickly recovered from his surprise. He took the game piece, nodding. "Thanks."

When Yuuji moved as if to leave, Nagisa's hand grabbed his for a second. "Um…" The young man said. He wouldn't meet Yuuji's eyes.

Yuuji frowned in confusion. It looked like Nagisa wanted to tell him something. "What is it?"

Nagisa looked to the side. "About what we talked about during the game…I never really had my turn."

"Hm? Oh, right, you managed to escape that." Yuuji chuckled. "So? Got something you wanna say?" His grin faltered for a moment. "I-I mean I assume you like guys. At least."

"Yes…" said Nagisa. The man's tone spoke of something else, however. "Well. Have you ever heard of something called demisexual?"

Yuuji blinked. "Uh. Maybe? Sounds kinda familiar."

"It's on the ace spectrum."

"Oh." Yuuji blinked again as the full meaning of those words hit him. " _Oh_."

"Hold on." Nagisa's gentle smile washed away whatever thoughts were just beginning to rise in Yuuji's head. "It just means someone who does not feel sexual attraction until a strong emotional bond is formed. Like," he worked to explain, "I've realized that I don't start…having certain thoughts about someone until I feel a certain sense of connection with them. And I can't really pinpoint how much that needs to be. But I know it's there."

"As for who that attraction is oriented towards, though, I'm fine with anyone." Nagisa gave a little smile. "I'm much more interested in love in the first place. So as you can tell, I go for personalities over people."

Yuuji blinked. Personalities? He didn't think he had all that much of one. But if Nagisa saw enough to be interested, he supposed he wouldn't question it.

"Basically I think I like everyone." Nagisa shrugged. "I'm open to anyone regardless of gender." Then he took a breath. "Which makes me panromantic. You following along so far?"

Yuuji nodded. "Yeah. Panromantic…uh, attraction to all genders?" he raced to remember.

"Yup," Nagisa said. He summarized, "So basically, I can fall in love with anyone, no matter who they are, but only have interest in more intimate stuff after I get to know a person." He shrugged again. "Demisexual. Panromantic."

Nagisa's expression turned sheepish for a moment. "Are you…alright with that?"

Yuuji stared for a second. Not out of distaste, but out of mere surprise that the man even needed to ask. "Of course!" Yuuji blurted. "I mean, 'all genders'…I'm included in that, right? As a guy. So we're good."

Nagisa looked relieved. "We're good?"

Yuuji smiled at him in reassurance. "We're good."

Then, cheekily, as if to check, Yuuji raised a finger toward Nagisa. "So…pan?"

Nagisa nodded. He pointed up at Yuuji. "And bi." He quirked an eyebrow in a teasing manner. "Maybe."

Yuuji grinned. "Yeah. Close enough, anyway."

He withdrew from beneath the table and stood, offering a hand to help Nagisa up. The young man took it with a grateful smile. For some reason, Yuuji realized, he didn't feel uncomfortable when talking about this with Nagisa. Maybe that was what intimacy, or trust felt like.

He shrugged. Anyway, he didn't need to rush it. There was all the time in the world.

Together they went to go put the final piece with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An actual picture of the three of them playing Jenga: http://myfunnymemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/The-Most-Intense-Game-Of-Jenga-On-Tumblr.png
> 
> Why Jenga? Simple. I love that game, and as far as I could tell from my research it does exist in Japan. 
> 
> Also, I want to say that I did not intend for this chapter to be a vocabulary/terminology lesson! Honestly, I just realized that I hadn’t had Yuuji give a clear definition of what he considered himself yet, and when you’re in his situation, I’m sure a lot of questions come to mind. Also, I thought it would be a nice moment between the three of them. Plus, once I thought up the Karma story I couldn’t stop laughing, so I had to include that somehow. I feel like it makes Yuuji and Nagisa feel a bit more comfortable knowing that Karma’s had some on-the-fence moments too. 
> 
> Feel free to have your own headcanons with regard to these characters’ sexualities! These are just the ones that I think I’ll be using for myself as a base for this fic. But again, all different interpretations have value.


	3. Language Time

Nagisa blinked. "You want me to speak English with you?"

Yuuji nodded. "Just for practice," he explained. "I mean, 'cause I know you're good at that stuff."

It was just the two of them inside the room. Nagisa was turned halfway around in his seat, torso facing Yuuji with one hand braced against the back of the chair as he stared upwards, blue eyes lightly curious. A laptop lay closed on top of the desk in front of him. Yuuji met his gaze, fighting off a light blush. Dammit, why the sudden prickle of nerves? Yuuji cursed inwardly. It wasn't like he was asking him out on a date or anything. Wait, did something even count as a date if it was in your own house?

Still, Yuuji kept his gaze steady. If he had wanted to, he could have made an excuse that it was for work, that his bosses had asked him to put in a little practice in order to better communicate with their foreigner correspondents, but that wasn't quite true. And Yuuji had promised himself that he would never deceive himself when it came to things about Nagisa ever again. Whether it was calling something a date, or deciding what to think of his feelings—Yuuji had messed up far too often in the past to keep pretending now. That only brought hurt. So, like all others from now on, this offer was from the heart.

At last, Nagisa nodded. "Sure," said the young man. "I don't see why not."

Yuuji didn't even attempt to hide the happiness he felt at his acceptance, but he did at least try to play it a bit cool.

* * *

Later that evening they sat down at the low-lying table.

"Okay," Nagisa said, giving Yuuji a gentle smile as he flopped a small folder onto the tabletop beside them. "This might be kind of fun, actually. It's been a while since I got to sit down and go over this with someone."

Yuuji nodded, sitting casually and leaning back on both arms. He cast an inquisitive glance around the room. "Where's Karma?"

"He's doing something." Nagisa shrugged. "The stock market doesn't watch itself."

Then his attention turned back to Yuuji. "So how much do you know?" Nagisa asked, his tone curious rather than judging.

Yuuji frowned. "Hmm. That's kind of a hard question to answer. I don't really know how you'd go about measuring something like that… Though I did get through high school language classes, so I guess I've got the basics down, at least."

He scratched his head self-consciously. "I mean, I have to know a little English for work anyway. I've even made interviews in English before—questions from both the asking and receiving side. Conducting stuff entirely in a foreign language was…super tough, but I managed to pull it off that time. But even then, I could always get somebody else in the office to check my script before we began."

Nagisa's face brightened. "Oh, alright! That sounds great, actually. So we can start from that base…"

The young man began readying their study materials. As Yuuji watched, Nagisa sorted through a small pencil bag, fishing out writing implements and flashcards along with a few erasers. Nagisa's face positively glowed with excitement, a rare shimmer coming to the man's eyes. His arms and hands flashed over the table with deft, energetic movements.

_Heh_. Yuuji found himself giving a fond smile at the sight. "That's right. English used to be your specialty back in middle school, wasn't it?"

"And high school," Nagisa said. He gave a small smirk. "And beyond."

Yuuji felt a playful spark zip through the center of his stomach at the man's words. Ah. So the young man could be sassy at times. How alluring.

At the same time, another thought struck Yuuji. He cleared his throat and decided to ask before he could lose his nerve: "Hey," Yuuji began. "Uh…how many languages do you know, anyway?"

Nagisa glanced over at him. "That's a good question," the young man sighed, losing himself in thought for a moment. "Well, language-learning ability is an essential tool in an assassin's repertoire. Not only the skills needed to speak a different language, but to speak naturally, are hugely important in order to communicate best with an employer and eliminate one's accent so as not to alert a possible target. So most of what I know comes from being put in that environment."

He gave an embarrassed chuckle. "So uh, that's both my excuse and my explanation for this." Then Nagisa took a breath and listed: "Japanese and English, fluent in both. Also, a lot of Russian, and Arabic. Maybe some Chinese. Uh, you know, all the ones that are important in many current crisis zones of the world."

"As for others…hmm," he said. "Maybe some French and Spanish. B-but I'm far from confident in those, really!" Nagisa said, waving his hands frantically while his face took on a look of bashful self-consciousness. "Honestly I only know enough to string together basic sentences, and even then I wouldn't trust myself to speak…"

Yuuji nodded, feeling genuine awe dawn across his heart. That was much more knowledge than anybody else he knew. Much more than he would have even thought of. Yuuji didn't know how all of that could fit inside a person's brain, and his gaze caught on Nagisa's hair for a second—what was it like inside of that head? "Are you kidding me? You know way more than me at the very least," Yuuji said, trying to compliment the other man. "That's honestly on a whole 'nother level."

"Not at all." Nagisa gave a little laugh. "One of my old teachers could apparently speak ten different languages. And she kept up with them fluently!"

Yuuji's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Wow. No kidding? That's amazing!" he said. "Is this kind of stuff easy for you superhumans?" That was right, Yuuji remembered, it had been a while since he had been reminded of this. The people who hung out with Nagisa really were incredible.

Nagisa just shrugged. "Honestly, it gets easier after a while," Nagisa said, his kind tone never wavering. "Once you get used to it, expanding your mind is actually pretty fun."

In response, Yuuji nodded. But a question from before still tickled at the back of his brain. He shifted in his seat, taking a quick breath before speaking again. "And where…have you had to use all of these before?" he asked.

Silently, Yuuji bit his lip. Not so deep beneath those words lurked a different question—one that had been lingering quietly all this time. Maybe for longer than Yuuji would have been willing to admit. He almost felt stupid for bringing it up again, but something in Yuuji's chest hurt whenever he tried to put it away, so he figured he might as well get it out now. _Where have you been all these years?_

Of course, Nagisa picked up on the hidden meaning. That was no surprise. The young man slowed in tapping a sheaf of paper gently against the tabletop. "I've been…many places," he started slowly.

"I know you spent the last few years abroad," Yuuji snorted, cutting the other man off before he could redirect the conversation. "Or something like that. But what you never told me was specifically where."

"Hmm. Yes. Well, telling you specifically where would have been a security issue. But I've been to many countries: the United States, the UK, Taiwan, a brief stint in the Middle East. Russia, lots of places within Japan, Korea." Nagisa gave the list with a smile. "Honestly, I feel like I've been centered on Asia, but the Western world has it's own…intrigue, I must admit."

Yuuji took this in with wide eyes, the words entering his ears and sinking down into his thoughts. It felt almost as if a thin curtain had just been drawn back from somewhere. Putting words to where Nagisa had been was fascinating. And damn if it didn't also make Yuuji feel kind of bad in comparison.

Yuuji's jaw set. What was the tally on his side? Oh yeah, knowing only one language and a little bit of textbook-level English! God, did he expect the world to revolve around him or something? No, Yuuji admitted, calming himself down, that wasn't it. It was just that this level of language was all he needed to know for his daily life. Still, he resolved to try harder.

Quietly, Yuuji hid a grin. Dammit, Nagisa always made him want to become better.

"Anyway," Nagisa said, holding up a thin notebook with English lettering on the front. "Shall we start?"

They dabbled around for a while, going over grammar and exploring different points until they found something to work with. Whenever they did find something to focus on, the two of them would remain there for a bit, Nagisa explaining and Yuuji concentrating hard on learning. The blue-haired man would say something, and Yuuji would repeat it back. Nagisa would give him a prompt. Yuuji would hesitate, sweating in nervousness for a moment before stuttering out something that resembled a sentence. All become sound, wrapped in the unfamiliar flow of language and fine-tuning of grammar. Yuuji's brain began to hurt from getting a workout on such concepts for the first time in years.

Meanwhile, Yuuji concentrated on Nagisa's face. The man taught with an air of confidence, his movements enthusiastic yet controlled. Every once in a while he would gesture when explaining an idea, his movements guiding them both through. His expression seemed to have the ability to remain pleasantly calm even when going over the most confusing of concepts. Occasionally, when they were right in the middle of something, Nagisa's speech would pick up pace, voice becoming excited as if it were he himself learning the material for the first time and not Yuuji.

He really must have enjoyed being a tutor back in middle school, Yuuji reflected. Or at least, must have been good at it. Nagisa had even brought a drawing pad and thick markers for them to use, handy for writing up conjugation charts or doodling explanations. Yuuji smiled as the young man launched into yet another strange, military-themed metaphor. Bright and engaged, Nagisa always kept it interesting.

But accents. Accents were hard. No matter how much Yuuji struggled, he just couldn't seem to get the right sounds to roll off his tongue. And the hot sting of embarrassment soon made it hard to even want to try. In contrast, Nagisa seemed to have the harsh sounds of American English down. The cacophonous sounds sounded so smooth once they were wrapped in his voice, approaching something almost like a melody.

"-the difference between the L and R sound is vital," Nagisa continued explaining. "In our language there's just one sound stationed kind of in-between the two, but to the native English speaker these two sounds are incredibly distinct. I know you already know this from school, but it's really worth going over. Misusing one in place of the other can lead to all sorts of strange miscommunications."

"Oh yeah, how so?" Yuuji grunted, trying to hide his frustration. L, R, whatever, he had a 50-50 chance of getting it right and that's what he had been using so far.

A funny look came to Nagisa's face, as if resisting a painful memory. "Uhh, well. To tell the truth, swapping them often ends up creating an entirely different word." He cleared his throat. "For instance, if you were to say ' _The children are outside playing on the glass'_ , that would have a very different effect on people than ' _The children are outside playing on the grass'_."

Yuuji blinked as the meanings slowly hit him. "Oh."

"Yeah." Nagisa smiled. "Also, ' _playing'_ versus ' _praying_ ', ' _lice'_ versus ' _rice_ , ' _clown_ ' versus ' _crown_ '."

"This language is _crazy_."

Nagisa laughed. "No, it's just different. Japanese is pretty _crazy_ too, honestly."

After they had worked for a bit, Nagisa moved on. "Another important pronunciation point is 'w' and 'v'," Nagisa said. He emphasized the two sounds, pursing his lips together. "Really, if you ask me, most schools don't teach it very well over here. I was always told to 'bite your bottom lip', but in reality it's more like a light tap on the inner edge with your teeth…"

Yuuji concentrated as best he could. Dutifully, he repeated the sounds after Nagisa, struggling to change how his mouth shaped them. It wasn't easy to break old habits. As Nagisa demonstrated, Yuuji found himself following along, his eyes entranced by the movement of Nagisa's lips and tongue. Yuuji told himself it was just for language-learning purposes, but he had to admit, it was starting to become a good excuse to let his gaze wander.

Of course, the other man's instincts were sharp enough to catch him whenever his gaze lingered, so Yuuji kept those wanderings brief.

"Alright, that's good enough for now," Nagisa said, signaling the end of their pronunciation unit after Yuuji stuttered through yet another mangled series of words. "Well done, Yuuji."

Yuuji grimaced and looked away. "You don't need to pretend," he mumbled.

"Pretend? I'm not faking anything," said Nagisa. "Honestly, I think I hear some great improvement."

Yuuji hesitated. Had he actually gotten better at speaking over the course of their practice drills? Yuuji reflected on it. He didn't think he had. "No way."

"Now, now," Nagisa chided, putting away the notebook and bringing out a fresh eraser. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Making sounds in English is a lot harder than in Japanese. Did you know? A lot of sounds exist in English that don't exist in Japanese. So when we go from our language to theirs, we literally have to invent sounds that we've never spoken before. Our muscles don't have the experience for it yet. That's why it's so difficult." He gave another kind smile. "So, you're not stupid."

"Oh," said Yuuji, a sudden lightbulb going off in his head—the kind that, once he had been made aware, made him wonder why he hadn't seen it there all along. "That makes a lot of sense."

Nagisa nodded. "See? So you're not dumb for having to struggle through it at first. When we enter into something new, we all have to make adjustments, doing our best with what we have and concentrating on reaching the places we want to be."

Nagisa blinked, as if realizing that his phrasing actually held more implications related to their lives. The man blushed and glanced to the side. "Um. Anyway."

They continued on for a bit more, Yuuji following along, doing exercises and participating in practice conversations, sometimes asking a few questions just to watch as the young man's face would light up during a particularly fascinating answer. After a while, things quieted down. The atmosphere inside the room seemed to enter a dreamy state.

Yuuji stared over at Nagisa, not even knowing what he was thinking about. His mind felt like it was coated in a light fog.

Of course, Nagisa noticed. He glanced over at him. "What's up?"

Yuuji remained quiet for a moment. Then he opened his mouth and spoke. "I want to learn how to say 'I love you'."

The other man's face flushed bright red.

"You should already know that," Nagisa mumbled, looking down in order to hide the pink on his cheeks.

"Well, yeah," said Yuuji. "Kinda. We went over it in school and stuff, but…it's not the same. Like you said, it's not the same as how people really say it, right? Plus, since you're able to get rid of your accent, it sounds more real coming from you." Following the bit of jittery courage in his stomach, Yuuji summoned up a wink. "Besides, I like how you say it."

Nagisa had rarely looked so flustered. At least, not in Yuuji's wealth of experience. But still, the young man put down his pencil and nodded, blue bangs falling in front of his eyes for a moment. He shook them away and sighed. Turning to Yuuji, he sat up and placed one hand over his own chest, where his heart would be.

"Ai-looove-yuu," he sounded out. "It goes like that. ' _I love you'_ ," Nagisa said again, blushing as he looked at Yuuji, but still managing it.

Yuuji nodded. He repeated the words, lips curling around the unfamiliar syllables. He stuttered, stopped. Tried again. It was tricky, with both of those L and V sounds being right in the middle.

Finally, after a couple of tries, he got it.

" _I lllllove, you,"_ Yuuji said, making sure to get the tongue flicks just right. _"I love you,"_ he repeated.

Taking a deep breath, he gazed directly into Nagisa's ocean-blue eyes and said it again, with more feeling. " _I love you_."

Nagisa nodded. The man didn't say a word, but he looked complimented, as if Yuuji's intentions had still managed to reach him.

Somehow, the sounds said aloud had set off an amusing realization in the back of Yuuji's mind. Yuuji gave a cheeky grin. He sidled up to Nagisa and pointed toward himself. " _Hey,_ " he said in English. " _Can you say, 'I love Yuu-ji'?_ "

Nagisa stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"C'mon," Yuuji said, still grinning. "Give it a try. It's so similar anyways. I wanna hear you say it."

Nagisa continued to double over, his face bright with amusement. His laugh was as soaring and clear as a bell. He waved one hand toward Yuuji, both setting up a barrier and as if to say no way. Yuuji drifted closer, soon bringing them less than a dozen centimeters apart.

Finally, Nagisa broke. He brought his head up, giving Yuuji a brief peck on the cheek before pulling away and smiling up at him. " _I love you, Yuuji!_ " he said.

Yuuji frowned. "Hey, c'mon, that's not quite right."

"That's how they say it overseas," Nagisa insisted, still hiding a grin. "The ' _you_ ' has to be in there."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. It would be weird to say ' _I love Yuuji'_ to you, since you're Yuuji, but…" Nagisa shook his head to dispel the half-attempted explanation. "Nevermind. That's fine. You did well."

Yuuji nodded. He thought for a moment, another idea just occurring to him. "Are there any other ways to say the same thing?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like…" Yuuji struggled. "There's multiple levels to everything, isn't there? Like, 'I like you' versus 'I love you'…"

Nagisa watched him. "W-well," the other man stuttered after a moment of thought. "There are plenty."

"Like?" Yuuji asked again with an open gaze. He was honestly curious.

Nagisa shifted. The man took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then, he began to speak.

" _Hey, How are you doing, I missed you, Are you okay, This made me think of you, Sorry I'm late, Let me help, Can I get you anything, I'll be thinking of you, Do you like this, Be safe, You can call me anytime, We'll figure it out, I got something you might like, What do you think about this, You were on my mind today, Everything will be alright, I admire you, Stay with me for a while, I was just thinking about you,_ _I care,_ _You are important to me, You can do it, I believe in you…"_

Yuuji remained silent. He listened to each and every word, savoring how they fell from Nagisa's lips like drops of soothing rain. He didn't understand all of them. But at the same time, he felt that he understood something much more important.

After a moment of quietness, Nagisa suddenly sat up. "However, there are even more ways than that, you know?"

"Hm?"

"Nonverbal communication counts, too. A glance, a kiss, a hug, asking about the other person, making sure they're okay, offering and then giving help when they need it, just being there for them, those sorts of things." Then the man gave Yuuji a gentle smile. "Or like sharing your house with someone even though they didn't ask you to."

Yuuji fell silent, his face burning. But not in an altogether unpleasant way.

"All of those are ways to say 'I love you'." Nagisa shrugged to end his statement. His eyes wandered back over to Yuuji. "As long as you get the universal language right, all others are secondary. And if I must say, Yuuji… I think that you already speak that language quite well."

Yuuji sat there, unmoving. But at the same time, it felt as if he was moving at two hundred kilometers per hour. Nagisa's words dropped slowly onto him, passing through his mind like a glow and leaving nothing but a soft stirring behind. Yuuji's hands gripped his knees. Dammit, how did this man do it? How did he always know just what to say?

Suddenly Nagisa moved to pack up, a dusting of pink still on his cheeks. "Well, I think that's enough learning for tonight," he said, scooting pens and pencils back into their case. "Good job."

As Yuuji watched, he felt another smile come to his face. It never failed to fascinate him how easily embarrassed the other man could become. One would think that an assassin could keep their composure. But man, was it fun to know that he of all people on the planet could break through a pro-assassin's walls.

Also—Yuuji thought to himself—it was a touching reminder of how human Nagisa still was.

" _Okay,_ " Yuuji said in English. _"I_ _will- uh, well, thank you and this is…was…_ " He cut himself off, making a face as he stopped speaking. Yuuji rested there in embarrassed silence for a moment. God, Nagisa's lessons had brought so much to his attention that he doubted he'd ever be able to attempt another language again without wishing the other man was there.

But when Nagisa looked up and smiled at him, Yuuji felt as if all his mistakes were forgiven.

* * *

"Um."

Nagisa looked back at Yuuji, his attention caught by the man's interruption. "Yes?" he asked, teaching materials held in his arms.

Yuuji tried to ignore the jumping sensation in his heart. He shifted on his feet and glanced away. The carpet was soft beneath them, the hallway corridor surrounding it colored white. The time had changed from early evening to early night, everything beyond the windows now draped in the velvet shade of darkness. A soothing chill would surely be settling in across the rooftop.

"N-not to be weird or anything," Yuuji began. "But…would you maybe want to spend the night with me?"

Nagisa tilted his head as if in confusion. But Yuuji could sense that there was something else in the air. It pulled at their limbs, drawing them toward each other and slowing down their breathing whenever their eyes would meet. Some bits of their conversation from before still lingered on them, it seemed.

Nagisa's mouth twitched up in a coy smirk. "Are you suggesting something?"

"Not at all!" Yuuji's face colored. "I-I mean, that wasn't what I meant, actually. I just…" He smiled softly. "I know it might sound silly, but…I don't want us to part just yet."

Nagisa let the silence stretch on for a few moments. "You know I have my own room, right? The guest rooms you set up for us are perfectly nice."

Yuuji nodded. "I know. But…"

He moved one arm behind himself, hand pushing open the door to his room slightly. Leaning on the doorway frame, Yuuji shrugged. "Offer still stands."

Nagisa shifted there on his feet. For a moment, the young man looked conflicted. "Would this…count as sleeping together?" he asked at last.

"No," Yuuji denied, definitely not blushing again. "Well, I mean, technically yes. Uh. God, if you ask me, people really should invent a new term for that." He cleared his throat. "I meant just literally _share my bed_. Sleep next to me. That's all I was picturing. I thought that…might be nice."

In the resulting quiet, Yuuji gazed over at Nagisa. A sudden wave of fondness welled up within him. Yuuji smiled, wishing for all of his honesty to shine through his eyes. "Hey," he whispered. "Stay with me? Don't go just yet?"

Nagisa appeared to be in thought for a moment. He looked down the hallway. Then, he looked back. Brushing his hair away from his face, the young man shyly glanced up at Yuuji. In his eyes was a mix of timidity, amusement, and some other kind of glow. It looked like how the atmosphere from before had felt. He didn't need to say that he accepted. Yuuji could already read the answer.

He brushed past Yuuji and softly entered the room. Yuuji paused for a moment in the doorway, casting one last glace out into space and cherishing the oh-so-lucky feeling in his heart before drawing the door closed behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurray for shameless fluff!
> 
> Also, writing a fic in English about people learning English is…weird. 8D; Hope that wasn't too distracting. I'm actually a native English speaker learning Japanese myself, so that helped give me some ideas as to the differences between the two languages. Let me tell you that Nagisa is super-impressive for being so proficient...;;


	4. Training Time

A move. A sidestep. Low swing. Blocked. Adjust. Pulling back, shifting forward. An opening but too late too late can't move. Recovered. Another movement, flinch, stumble, strike-

Yuuji staggered backwards as Nagisa's hand stopped right in front of his throat.

There was silence for a moment.

"That," the blue-haired man spoke, "was not the way to avoid a knifehand strike."

Yuuji let out a breath. He knew that, dammit. The two of them stood facing each other in the wide tatami-mat room, the floor around them bare except for a small bag in one corner. They were both dressed in standard combat gear—light, formfitting clothes. In front of Yuuji, Nagisa wore an all-black outfit, complete with a sleeveless top. His hair was tied up, in a way that Yuuji knew he must have resented in the past but for now was simply a matter of practicality. And he had brought one new thing—a flash in his eyes. There was a lurking dark and cold there, a hint of off-green that had made Yuuji freeze the first time he saw it. But it felt dull. Like a buried hatchet, not dangerous unless someone specifically chose to unearth it. And the more its user sparred, the more it began to feel like something tamed. Besides, aside from that occasional glint, there was no real malicepresent.

Nagisa smiled patiently. "Alright. Ready for the next exercise?"

Yuuji nodded. "Yeah," he said, re-centering himself on his heels.

As Yuuji looked at the man before him, he had to suppress a grin. Just seeing that shade of light blue was always able to brighten up his day. Now that Nagisa was back, everything felt right again. It seemed almost like Yuuji's life had been put on pause over these past few years, and now the world was in full color. For some reason, Yuuji had the feeling that he could finally breathe.

"Alright," Nagisa said after they were in position. "Now show me how to break out of a guillotine hold."

Yuuji tried to nod, but found his chin trapped by the arm around his neck. He gave an affirming grunt instead. Taking a deep breath, Yuuji concentrated for a few seconds before turning his neck to the side, redirecting the pressure off his throat as he sidestepped, sneaking one hand underneath Nagisa's right leg and curling the back of his wrist around the man's thigh before shoving up with all he had.

There was a blur of motion as Nagisa was lifted up into the air, the young man losing his grip on Yuuji's neck and flailing before hitting the ground.

"Oh my god," Yuuji gasped in the aftermath. "Are you okay?"

Nagisa sat up, one hand rubbing his head and wearing a bashful expression on his face. "Yeah, of course I'm okay," he said. "Well done. Give me a hand?"

Yuuji gladly extended an arm to help him up.

As Nagisa's hand squeezed Yuuji's for a moment before they parted, Yuuji had the sudden thought of how happy he was that Nagisa had offered this. Well, asked him about it, to be exact.

* * *

_Yuuji stared at the other man in confusion. "Self-defense training? Really?"_

_Nagisa shrugged. "Yeah. I thought it might be good to teach you some really basic techniques."_

" _Uh…" Yuuji hesitated. "Not that I don't see how that would be useful, but are you sure? I don't think I'd make the best sparring partner. Got no experience in that area, and stuff."_

" _We don't have to fight for real. I just wanted to make sure that you know some basic things, for your own protection." Nagisa gave a small smile. "After all, you are dating an assassin."_

_Yuuji's mouth twitched up in a smile. Well if it was a challenge, he would answer the call._

* * *

Yuuji shook out one of his wrists, relaxing the muscles. He had to admit, it was pretty cool to get a one-on-one session from a trained assassin. These things were good to know in general. Plus, after finding out that Yuuji didn't really have any other way to defend himself (aside from using pepper spray or a pocket knife, neither of which Yuuji owned nor knew how to use), Nagisa had become rather insistent on this.

A warm feeling flooded through him as Nagisa readied another topic of instruction. Honestly, Yuuji hadn't really put it into words yet, but he was honored that Nagisa would want to train with him. Him! Of all people **.**

Nagisa led the session, directing the two of them around the room. They pushed each other, shoving, trying to trip, each and every action having a purpose, a specific technique to acquire. Their bouts were short and sweet, Nagisa having explained that most actual fights were supposed to be quick and decisive, with long battles being rare.

"The first thing to remember is to always be aware of your environment," Nagisa would tell him. "In your time of need, it can become priceless. Find a weapon in everything you have, in anything you can—resourcefulness is key. Don't be afraid to shout, as it can alert others about your situation. And always keep track of possible escape routes. The best weapon against a fight is always to avoid a fight in the first place." He paused for a moment. "That's a luxury you have and I don't, so make use of it."

Nagisa then demonstrated what he called common tricks of the trade, showing Yuuji how to break out of holds, out of locks, out of chokeholds, how to twist an opponent's arm to avoid a knife. After every few explanations came a brief practice period, Nagisa letting Yuuji go through the motions and perform them himself.

"This is how to break a zip tie," said Nagisa. He squared his legs and raised both hands over his head, keeping them together at the wrist. "First, if you can, rotate the tie so that the latch is in the middle, between your wrists. Make sure it's as tight as can be. You might have to pull it even tighter with your teeth. Then, raise your hands up and slam them down while pulling your elbows out to the sides-" The man grunted as he moved according to his description, arms swinging in an arc before hitting against his abdomen. "-and the tie should break," he sighed.

"If someone grabs your wrist, like this," Nagisa demonstrated on Yuuji. "Don't try to just pull away. I know it's instinct, but still. Rotate first, lining your thumb up where their fingers are, see?" he said, lining up the ridge of Yuuji's thumb with where Nagisa's fingers wrapped around to his own thumb. "Then give a sharp jerk starting from your elbow."

Yuuji tried, and failed, Nagisa jolting along with the motion. "You have to really want it, Yuuji," he said. "C'mon. It's your arm, how dare anybody try to take it from you?"

Yuuji grit his teeth. He tried again, making sure to pull only from his elbow this time and not his whole body. With a surprisingly easy slip, his hand broke through Nagisa's hold. When he next looked up, the young man was smiling. "Good."

"Now, if someone has a gun…" Nagisa frowned. "Well, to tell the truth, it's best to just comply instead. That's what I would recommend with your skill level. But-"

He then leaned in like he was sharing a secret. "If you're lucky enough to get really close, here's what I'll tell you. Distract your opponent with words—be compliant, build their ego, make them think you're not planning to fight back, and get them talking. Some people have even turned out their pockets or pretended to offer them their shoe or something. That will draw their focus to that spot for a second."

"Distracting them breaks their mind's connection to the trigger. From there, if you're within reach, use your left hand to grab the barrel of the gun and force it to the side while you move your head out of the line of fire, going to the left. That last bit is the most important, you understand me? _Keep yourself out of the line of fire._ As you move the barrel, bring your right hand up to grab their wrist and bend it, trapping the gun between those two points. It's like a pinching motion. You don't really want to wrestle for a gun, but if you focus on turning it so that the barrel is pointed back towards the person, not only should that strain their wrist, but it should make them nervous to see the weapon pointed back at them. Bending the gun down and pointing it back towards them should also wrench their grip. From that, reclaim the gun and step a long ways back."

Nagisa fixed Yuuji with a rigid stare. "You gotta promise me you won't try that without extensive practice though, alright?"

Yuuji nodded. Honestly, he wanted to think that he'd be able to pull off such a cool move, but when he stopped and thought about it realistically for a moment he realized that the man was right about how dangerous it was. "Alright," he promised.

Next, Yuuji listened as Nagisa lead him through a few basic strikes.

"Use your elbow," the man said. "It works better in extremely close-quarters fighting, and is one of the strongest points on your body. Plus, it's slightly pointed, and that means a lot in a fight."

"Another good move is the cupped ear strike. By cupping your hand and swinging it up to slap over your opponent's ear, you could damage their hearing or even potentially burst their eardrum. You could also do it to both ears at once, which tends to make opponents both hurt and disoriented."

"Aim kicks towards the knees. They can't win if they can't run. That simple."

"I'd rather you not headbutt someone, since it's easier to hurt yourself than anyone else. But if you're ever in that sort of situation, make sure to tuck your chin in all the way, and clench your teeth, stiffening your neck. Try to strike with the _top_ of your head, not your forehead! If you're grabbing the person, bend your arms so you get more power and jerk their face hard and fast towards you. I've been on the other end of this and it's not pretty."

"You can always try a solar plexus shot too, in order to knock the wind out of someone. Um, you do know where that is, right? …Oh. Well, it's in the center of the torso, at about the top of someone's abs. Think the lower end of the sternum. Put your whole body weight into it and use the heel of your palm. I guarantee they'll leave you alone."

Yuuji followed after Nagisa in all of this, nodding and then wincing whenever he would make a mistake. No matter how patiently Nagisa corrected him, all Yuuji could ever seem to do was apologize.

As Nagisa pulled back again, leaning to demonstrate another strike, Yuuji's eyes caught on the man's limbs. It wasn't an admiring gaze, or a desirous one like the ones he had shot him earlier. It was just the catching of one's gaze on something that naturally seemed to hold an intrinsic sort of beauty.

In spite of it all, Yuuji found himself comparing himself to Nagisa—his strikes moving slower as if aimed through water, his hands unsteady and shaky while the man's were decisive, himself constantly forgetting his breathing or his pose or some mixture of the two. Nagisa's actions were precise and controlled, reaching a certain kind of fluidity that somehow made the word 'art' come to the front of Yuuji's brain. Meanwhile… Yuuji bit his lip. He couldn't throw a basic punch? He hadn't even known what a proper kick was? Yuuji felt his stomach sink, thoughts swirling down inside himself like a whirlpool.

"Great," Nagisa said at last, stretching his arms over his head in a sigh. "Let's do one more quiz round, just to be sure."

"Aww, really?" said Yuuji, his tone approaching a whine. "C'mon Nagisa, I'm tired."

The blue-haired man frowned. "You said you wanted to do this," he pointed out. "I thought we both agreed."

Yuuji sighed, not meeting the man's eyes. His limbs hung at his sides, feeling like dead weight. He trudged over to the side of one tatami mat with his feet shuffling against the floor. Once there, he once more adopted the 'ready' stance.

At the far end of the mat, Nagisa prepared their final round. "Alright," the man said, sinking into a crouch and holding one hand at the ready. "Now what if I have a knife?"

Yuuji pointed quickly off to the side. "Look, what's that?"

For a moment Nagisa almost fell for it, his head twitching into a turn and then coming back. "What? No," he said, expression cross. "I mean, maybe. If you're insanely lucky. But Yuuji, take this seriously."

Yuuji scowled. "I am taking this seriously," he said, ignoring the lie as it passed his lips. "I just feel like there's no point in learning much else right now. I mean," he shrugged loosely. "Haven't we done enough?"

Nagisa stood up, relaxing his pose. "It's important to see things through to the end."

"But I'm _tired_."

"So the sooner we end this round, the sooner we'll be done."

Yuuji grit his teeth.

"C'mon Nagisa," Yuuji said again, shaking out both arms. "You know I'm not so physically fit. Seriously, you could count on one hand the amount of times I've gone jogging in my life. Maybe one of us can wake up at six AM to do their daily workout, but the other… well, there's only so much you can expect from mere mortals."

Nagisa was quiet for a moment, his blue eyes watching Yuuji. "You've got good instincts though," he pointed out. "You're untrained, true, but that's what stuff like this is for. Besides, I can tell that your observation powers are coming in handy. You're able to pick up on a lot of really subtle things that most people wouldn't. And you're not actually all that bad, in terms of physical ability. Maybe you could have even been something pretty cool if things were different and you chose the path of an athlete."

Yuuji blinked, startled. He stared back, not believing the things he was hearing. A different life path? Yuuji had honestly never considered it. The thought floated in his mind for a moment before being extinguished. Hmph. Well, what was the point, if it was too late to switch now?

"Huh. Well maybe in another lifetime," he joked. "But I'm afraid you've only got the stupid Yuuji here. Sorry to disappoint!"

Nagisa frowned. "Yuuji…is this a self-confidence issue?" he said at last.

"Wh-what?"

"I've been watching your movements," Nagisa said. "And they've gotten more and more hesitant."

Yuuji stood still. "Uhh…"

"You should have more confidence in yourself," Nagisa said. "I mean, that's not anything I can force upon you. But honestly…I think you're pretty cool. You're worth plenty all by yourself. You're smart, and funny, and have had a lot of kind words for me in the past. Those are things to be proud of, Yuuji."

Nagisa paused for a moment. "But confidence isn't anything I can teach you. You have to find it within yourself."

Yuuji hid a scowl. "I've got plenty of confidence," he said, his tone implying anything but.

He turned to the side, one hand gripping his opposite arm. Honestly, Yuuji just didn't want Nagisa to feel disappointed in him. Really, Nagisa was the assassin here, and Yuuji was just… he was just…

Yuuji shifted on his feet. Honestly, if he admitted it to himself, he just wanted to feel worthy of Nagisa. To be a capable assassin's boyfriend, or…or lover, or consort, or whatever one might call it. Or at the very least, to not hold the other man back. He wanted to feel like he was worthy of what had been bestowed upon him.

Nagisa looked doubtful for a long moment. Then he sighed. "Fine," said Nagisa, rolling his eyes. "In that case, I think it's only fair for us to think about-"

His speech was cut off as he rushed forward.

Yuuji barely had time to blink, seeing the man charging toward him in a blur, Nagisa's hair turning into a smear of sky-blue. Then Yuuji was breathing. And he was moving, and maybe Nagisa had been right because Yuuji seemed to step to the side just a half-second earlier and maybe that was a good thing because the man missed, Yuuji sidestepping to avoid the invisible knife and then latching his hand onto Nagisa's wrist, wrenching the imaginary object away and twisting the man's arm into a behind-the-back lock, using a technique that had been only recently entered into his subconsciousness, recalled from the shallowest parts of his mind.

They held that pose for one second.

Then time began flowing again, snapping back together like a rubber band. "Sorry," Yuuji blurted, releasing Nagisa and saying the first thing that came to mind.

The light sound of Nagisa's laughter filled the air. "It's fine," the young man said. "I'm completely alright." He shook out his shoulders, carefully rotating the previously-pinned arm. "That was great. Wouldn't have been enough to defeat a determined assassin, but we were only trying to teach you some basic tools here. And that just proved that you really did learn something."

He faced Yuuji and smiled. "I'm impressed."

Yuuji didn't answer, his mind busy with replaying those half-moments again and again and again. He looked down at his hand **.** Deep down, Yuuji knew that Nagisa had been going as easy as possible on him, but hey, this was a start. As Yuuji stared, he imagined a single word rising into view from the center of his palm. He clenched his fist, drawing the word out from deep down inside of him. _Useless._

Yuuji pictured the word. And felt the first cracks begin to form.

"Well, I'd say that really is enough for now," Nagisa announced. "We've done a lot for one training session. Good job!"

Yuuji nodded, wiping perspiration from his brow. Ugh, sweat. He made a face. This was why he absolutely hated exercising.

Still, Yuuji spared a moment to look up. "Hey," he called out to Nagisa, giving the other man a grateful nod once he responded. "Thanks."

Nagisa nodded back, as if he felt much more secure now as well.

* * *

"I'm home," Yuuji said, later that day.

He struggled to the kitchen and heaved a set of heavy bags onto the counter. Two full bags of groceries. Yuuji wasn't used to shopping for this much, but with two new guests in the house, some old habits had to change. Feeling accomplished, Yuuji stepped back and took a moment to admire his handiwork. Green leaves were showing out of the tops of both bags and everything. Why, there were even some vegetables tucked in there.

_Thud, thud._

' _Mmph!'_

Yuuji frowned. Was it just him, or were there noises coming from down the hall?

Curious, his stuck his head out into the corridor. After a moment of careful listening, a couple more thumps and muffled shuffling confirmed it.

Yuuji followed the sounds, walking a short distance down the hallway until he reached a set of tall sliding doors. He frowned. This was the large, tatami-mat room—the one Nagisa had been using as a gym. On the other side of the paper doors came the sound of light scuffling.

Without much of a thought, Yuuji stepped forward and drew back the sliding door.

With a thud, two bodies hit the floor in front of him.

As the blur of motion faded, an image began to take shape in front of Yuuji's eyes. Nagisa was on the floor. Karma was braced on top of him. They both stopped struggling and looked up at Yuuji, mouths open in silent gasps and gazes frozen like deer in headlights. Karma's jacket was off, the two of them wearing standard combat training gear. Karma had landed between Nagisa's legs, with his arms pinning down the other man's wrists.

Yuuji stared. He kept silent. He could see the two men looking at him, blue and golden eyes like twin pinpricks of alarm. Yuuji's mind ran through a slow analysis—he knew what this looked like. They would both probably be angry with him. Nagisa would be embarrassed. But they didn't know that he knew these things yet. Immediately, Yuuji felt two paths open up before him—now he could either choose to make a scene, or to play it cool.

Summoning a shark-like grin, Yuuji made his decision.

"My, my," he said, arching an eyebrow. "What is this? Wrestling around with Karma on the floor while I'm out? I'm shocked, Nagisa. Truly scandalized."

Nagisa blushed red as a tomato. "I-It's not like that!" he exclaimed, still trapped beneath Karma. "It's not what it looks like, I swear! Oh god, it's really not, it's not like that, I promise…"

Meanwhile Karma was laughing too hard to move. He collapsed in on himself, seemingly laughing too hard at the situation to be able to speak, resting back on his knees but still staying braced over Nagisa.

Nagisa hit against him desperately, his thin limbs thudding against Karma's chest. "K-Karma, you're not helping! Tell him it's not true!"

"Tell me _what's_ not true?" Yuuji said, continuing his teasing. "Really, I'm hurt. And here I thought I was your only grappling partner. Goodness me, Nagisa, if you were feeling neglected, you should have said so…"

The young man's face looked like it might explode. "THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS!"

Honestly, it took a long while to calm Nagisa down. Seeing the mortified look on the man's face, and how Nagisa could barely stand to look Yuuji in the eye for hours afterward, Yuuji almost felt bad about teasing him. Actually, he did feel bad. Nagisa continued to apologize profusely throughout the day, moving on into the evening and even until night, long after Yuuji had let him know that there was nothing to apologize for. Meanwhile Karma had long ago rolled off to the side, giggling and smirking at Yuuji, raising an eyebrow as if he hadn't thought that Yuuji would have the guts to say such a thing.

So Yuuji patted Nagisa's shoulders and soothed him, promising that it was all a joke, that he really did understand it was just an awkward moment during training, and that he wouldn't ever tease Nagisa like that again.

Anyway, once Yuuji managed to assure Nagisa that he was only kidding, things got better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take everything included in this chapter with a grain of salt, as I am no self-defense expert!!! Still, I hope that this at least inspires you all to look up a few techniques and keep them in mind. Seriously, it's good to be prepared.
> 
> Lastly, a question for all of you guys—would you maybe want more NSFW chapters? I probably won't do too many, but it is a possibility. I'm just trying to get a sense for what you'd like as readers.


	5. Kiss Time

Certain things tended to happen when you were playing host to two assassins.

Such as both of them getting into a heated debate about their skills one evening around the table.

"-I'm telling you, the Kraginski Method is a highly effective way of getting information out of people."

"No, I'm certain that's wrong. That way's too flashy, and relies too much upon brute force. The Mixed-Approach Method is better, since it's the one that tends to get the most results. And you know results are what matter most in the business."

"Pfft. You're just saying that because that method's the one you most often use."

"Yeah, and I choose to use it because it's the most effective."

"Whatever. Just remember who got the highest marks in our Phys. Ed. classes."

"Those were back in middle school! And anyway, which one of us did better under individual testing?"

Nagisa and Karma continued to debate, arguing over things like techniques, preferred weaponry, and which one of them would be better at this or that. None of it was anything that Yuuji really understood.

Karma shot a weasel-like grin across the table. "Well if all else fails, you could always turn to seduction techniques. I hear that's your specialty, Nagisa."

Nagisa's face flushed. "Not true! You're just saying that because of that one particular disguise…" He huffed. "And I'll have you know that I was not the one to come up with the idea for that."

"Aww, but it works so well," Karma teased. "Honestly, 'the Blue Lady' could probably give even Bitch-sensei a run for her money."

The two of them fell silent for a moment.

"Ms. Irina…" Nagisa said. "I wonder how she's doing."

"Totally happy at her new job, according to the last email update," Karma shrugged.

"That's true." Nagisa gave a soft smile. "We really did learn a lot from her, didn't we?"

Yuuji frowned in thought. From what he had gathered from Nagisa and from listening to conversations between the two of them, Class E had had more than one teacher. There was the yellow octopus guy, some scary dude, and the female seductress. The latter was who they must be speaking of now. For a moment, Yuuji resisted the urge to shake his head. What on earth had their school days been like?

"Remember who could do the most hits in our class?" said Karma, his tone eager. "Yada was on the list, if I recall."

"And Okuda." Nagisa nodded thoughtfully. "Do you think our classmates have retained those skills?"

"I bet Maehara probably has."

"True," Nagisa laughed.

Karma nodded before a mischievous glint rose inside his eyes. "Come to think of it, you and I were also on that list. And I bet you've grown soft over the years. What do you wanna bet I can pull off way more hits than you now?"

Nagisa shook his head, the motion polite but firm. "Nope. Not unless twenty-eight hits sounds doable."

Karma shot him an incredulous look. "No way!"

Yuuji snorted at their bickering. "Well, what's the average on that?" he interrupted from the sidelines.

"About one hit per second," answered Nagisa. "Unless you're good, in that case you can sneak in more."

Yuuji nodded as if he understood. He didn't. And despite his best efforts, he couldn't stop his next words from coming out sounding slightly morose. "What's a 'hit' anyway?"

The other men paused. Yuuji watched as they both leaned back in their chairs, faces blank with thought.

"It's like…" Nagisa began. "The things you do to make the action sensual, make it connect more with your target."

Karma shook his head. "A unit of measurement of how effective the kiss is," he stated.

Yuuji stared. He still didn't get it, but whatever.

Karma turned to look back across the table at Nagisa. "Anyway, I don't believe you. Twenty-eight hits in ten seconds? Back in Class E, your personal best was fifteen."

"Well, which one of us has had the most opportunity to practice since then?" Nagisa said, his eyes twinkling with a rare sort of self-satisfaction.

Karma gave a dark chuckle. "Oh, don't think that I've fallen behind. You know how good my memory is."

Nagisa rolled his eyes. "Bet you have."

"Have not."

"Have too."

"Have n-" Karma stopped. Some sort of idea seemed to dawn on him. After a moment's consideration, he shrugged and smirked. "Well then. If you've got the skills to prove it, try it out on him." He pointed to Yuuji.

A beat passed before the words fully registered.

" _What?_ " Yuuji protested, a blush rising to his cheeks and his entire body tensing up.

His gaze immediately shot to Nagisa. Surely the other man wouldn't agree to this? But Nagisa simply sat there, quiet for a moment. There was a muffled resolve hidden inside his blue eyes. The glow of competition rested there, as if primed from the conversation earlier. And it seemed as if the young man wasn't one to back down from a challenge.

"You know what? Fine," Nagisa said.

Nagisa moved around the edge of the table, coming fully into view. "Yuuji, come over here for a second, I'm just curious to see how this goes."

A spike ran through Yuuji's heart. He scooted backwards. "Wa-wa-wait!" he said, waving both hands in front of him. "Hold on. I mean, we can't do this, right? That wouldn't work out. Using me as a test dummy could skew the results."

"I mean," he took a breath, trying to ignore the pounding in his ears. "I'm a biased sample. I'm already attracted to you, very much so, th-that fact has already been established. So…wouldn't that just make it easier for you to seduce me?" his voice rose up in a squeak. Yuuji's cheeks burned in embarrassment at what he was saying, but it was true.

Both of the other men stared at him.

"Hmm," Karma said. He rested his chin on one hand. "That might be a good point. Part of the thrill of a deep-kiss comes from the illicit nature of it, so if you're already together, the baseline of attraction might be shifted." He smirked. "Or perhaps its effect could be dulled thanks to repeated exposure."

Nagisa didn't seem to notice the hidden barb. "Or it would have even more of an effect," he suggested. "Since the person would be more sensitive to your actions. It might take less time to move past the 'uninterested, awkward' bit and just move on to the appeal. Each impact per kiss would be heightened."

The debate hung in midair for a moment.

Then Karma shrugged. "Only one way to find out."

"Gotcha." Nagisa's attention turned back to Yuuji. Then, he frowned in thought. "Karma, just for the record, I'll have you know that I am not in the habit of using my boyfriend as a practice dummy."

Karma gave a knowing chuckle. "I'm sure. Still, you have at least kissed him before, right?"

"Of course!" Nagisa exclaimed. "Geez, you couldn't tell?"

Yuuji's gaze stayed frozen on the two of them, a typhoon of thoughts swirling around inside his head. He couldn't believe this was happening. An assassin kiss? Now? Well, not that Yuuji didn't feel some sort of excitement at the thought, not that he didn't like all of Nagisa's kisses, but this was happening so fast. His heart thumped louder every time he thought of their topic of conversation.

Nagisa was only a small distance away now. As the young man looked at Yuuji, his expression became almost apologetic. "Yuuji," he asked. "Are you okay with this?"

Yuuji looked back at him in shock. "I-I mean well, um…that…I…" Yuuji struggled. He couldn't seem to think past a certain point. His stomach was tense with nervousness and it was hard to concentrate. His mind kept focusing on so many different things at once, like Nagisa's powder-blue hair, his apologetic smile, the curve of his lips-

Yuuji cleared his throat and took a deep breath, going with his gut. "I mean sure, I'm alright with it, yeah."

Nagisa nodded.

They were not far apart now and Nagisa leaned in even more, rising to his knees to close the distance between them. Yuuji barely had time to blink before Nagisa brought their lips together.

They collided, the two of them fitting together with—from Nagisa's side—a practiced finesse. A pleasant warmth hovered around the point of contact. All of Yuuji's focus suddenly seemed to redirect itself towards that area, Yuuji tilting his head back to adjust to the other man's height and resisting the urge to flutter his eyes shut like some sort of prince from a fairytale.

Catching a brief glimpse of red out of the corner of his eye, Yuuji felt a flash of embarrassment. Kissing him even though Karma was here? Oh, Nagisa played dirty. At least Karma appeared to have the decency to not be looking directly at them. But in this moment Yuuji couldn't quite concentrate on that, all thoughts fading quickly from his mind when Nagisa began to move.

The kiss started out not forceful, but _full,_ making firm contact. Nagisa's lips were soft, moving tantalizingly against Yuuji's own while pressure kept them intertwined. The feeling was ever-so-slightly warm, tempting Yuuji to either nudge forward in an effort to feel more or just stay there and bathe in the sensation. Nagisa kissed him lightly, then deeply, moving with such control that Yuuji almost felt as if he were being claimed.

With a shiver, Yuuji felt Nagisa's tongue slip inside. Yuuji welcomed it. They moved together, pushing and bumping. Yuuji went with the flow, absorbing everything he was given. The two of them pulled apart only by millimeters before changing the angle, meeting again to create sensation anew.

Then Nagisa's tongue flicked in a certain way and Yuuji tensed, a shot of arousal piercing through him. When Nagisa did it again, the feelings only increased. "Mph!" Yuuji protested, but Nagisa continued on.

The man pushed deeper, his tongue searching around as if in warning, then sliding past. They tangled. All became twisting, curling, the two of them entangling like ropes. They glided. They brushed. Nagisa flicked one or twice more, not giving any thought to Yuuji's lack of confidence but instead skillfully guiding them through. A pink-and-red haze began to take over Yuuji's mind, interspersed with glimpses of blue. Everywhere Nagisa touched him seemed to suddenly be on fire—and there were many points of contact. Each caress sent electricity sparking across his skin.

Yuuji struggled for a moment. Dammit, this kissing was doing other things to him. He felt heat, a rising carnal desire, but behind that a lingering feeling of longing and devotion.

Yuuji couldn't breathe. Or almost couldn't, being forced to breathe through his nose. But suddenly it was okay to not be able to breathe because he needed the man more than air now, more than anything. He closed his eyes, Nagisa's tongue drawing him forward into a rhythm like a familiar ballroom, every bit of him melting, flowing into the other person until he lost his sense of self, where he began and where they ended.

Dimly, Yuuji felt himself making a few muffled noises, moans, his hands coming to the front of Nagisa's shirt and gripping there, but Nagisa did not let go and Yuuji didn't want him to, Yuuji's eyes tightly shut but feeling like he was seeing everything, it was just all touch now, all sensation flowing through their single shared point. Every part of him went limp except for his face, his entire being redirected through his lips. He quivered, helpless against the man's chest.

In a flash of a moment, Yuuji imagined Nagisa a snake. Nagisa had him entirely in his clutches, Yuuji hanging there paralyzed in his grip with the other man's tongue _coiling_ and _writhing_. The man was controlling but calm, guiding the both of them and Yuuji feeling so helpless, so willing to do anything that he led them through, anything at all, as long as it kept feeling so good yes so good Nagisa please-!

In a few moments that seemed to last a lifetime, the two of them were one. Their mouths moved, tongues exposed to the air for only a second before Nagisa would seal it up again, Yuuji supported by his arms, one gripping Yuuji's elbow and the other enmeshed in his hair where it was beginning to feel _sensitive_ good god-

At last, Nagisa seemed to slow down. The pressure lightened, his mouth giving one or two softer pushes as if to signal a regretful goodbye. Slowly, he separated them, his last touches given near the middle and tip of Yuuji's tongue, leaving Yuuji satisfied yet still inexplicably begging for more. Air came between them as they drifted apart. Even so, Nagisa made sure to linger for a moment in front of Yuuji, hovering barely one centimeter above his lips in a manner that was most definitely enticing.

Then it was over.

Yuuji blinked, his entire being hanging stock-still for a moment. His mind felt frozen—having thought of nothing but the two of them for so long, now he could think of nothing else. Glimpses of the real world came to him like cold gusts of air, shocking and uninviting.

With wide eyes, Yuuji struggled to sit back down for a second, and promptly collapsed.

"There. I think that's enough," Nagisa said, looking down at Yuuji. "Wouldn't want to overwhelm him further."

A light blush had risen across the man's cheeks, Yuuji noticed, and he kept glancing away after making eye contact. So hey, Yuuji's rattled brain thought, maybe the man had enjoyed it just as much as him.

Off to the side came the sound of Karma cracking up, covering his mouth with one hand in order to stifle his own glee.

Nagisa turned his head. "And Karma, you better not have taken video of that," he scolded.

Yuuji watched all this from his position on the floor. He couldn't seem to get up yet, his arms trembling slightly whenever he thought of trying. Some part of him felt silly, annoyed at falling for Nagisa's charms even when he had promised himself that he wouldn't, his mind still wrapped up in the sensation with echoes going off like fireworks inside himself. _Holy god,_ was all he could seem to think. _Oh my god, what the hell, wow-_

Suddenly, the sound of someone's phone ringing echoed throughout the room.

"Oh, that's mine," Nagisa said, perking up. "I should get that. Excuse me."

Within a few seconds, the man had stood up to leave. He disappeared behind the doorframe and was gone.

Yuuji struggled to sit up, supporting himself with one arm. One hand hovered over his mouth as if to guard against anyone doing the same thing to him so soon. "H-How many hits was that?" he managed to gasp.

Karma grinned. "Impressive, isn't it? I'd say that was about ten."

Yuuji's head whipped up to stare at Karma. "TEN?" His spirit dwindled at the thought of anything more. Those few moments had felt like he was dissolving, had made him completely lose himself in the other person. He couldn't imagine one single twist more. Although—an errant spark ran through Yuuji's belly—the thought of it was, dammit, still kind of appealing.

"Yup." Karma's smile was that of a shark.

"And your teacher was known for how many?"

"According to her, she routinely did forty."

Yuuji stared at him. He couldn't do it. Couldn't picture it, couldn't imagine, couldn't take all of that sensation he had just felt and multiply it by four. Yuuji tried to think about it and shuddered. "I don't even want to know what forty would feel like…"

"Yeah," Karma said. Then he burst out laughing again. "You should have seen your face!" he crowed. "You looked like a kitten! Or some swooning lovebird, all curled up against your hero…"

Yuuji's face achieved a new shade of crimson. He had the sudden urge to throw something at Karma. Only the seat cushions were within reach, so they were used as a sacrifice.

Karma giggled, batting away the final cushion and sitting pretty amongst the others. "Y'know, that's interesting though," he said, becoming more serious after a moment's pause.

"Hm?" Yuuji said, sitting facing away from Karma so the man would know just how annoyed he was.

"He actually closed his eyes with you. In all other times I've seen Nagisa pull that trick, his eyes were always open." Karma raised an eyebrow. "I guess he really must like you."

Not one minute later, that was how Nagisa found them—Yuuji sitting in an embarrassed huff with Karma surrounded by all three seat cushions. Nagisa raised an eyebrow. He didn't ask.

* * *

Those assassin skills were no joke, Yuuji thought again long after, mulling over the kiss and feeling semi-aftershocks whenever he would think about it too hard. For god's sake, he couldn't even look at Nagisa now without remembering. The sight of the man would often make Yuuji give some shallow-sounding excuse and turn away, blushing furiously and letting him scream out his emotions inside the comfort and privacy of his own head. Maybe that was part of the technique too. Geez.

 _Well, here's to the benefits of dating an assassin_ , Yuuji thought. Though, it was a lot to handle.

But privately, Yuuji made a resolution. It was all he could do to give regular kisses to Nagisa, but he would at least make use of those to the best of his ability. Maybe if he did that enough, he would feel like he had paid the man back in some way.

And when Nagisa accepted his kisses, on those few precious moments when they were alone in the kitchen and Karma was nowhere to be found, looking up at Yuuji to give him one of those quiet, stunning smiles, Yuuji almost allowed himself to believe that it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this is what I imagine those special "assassin kisses" to be like. Everyone that they were used on showed such a strong reaction, so they must be pretty powerful!


	6. Work Time

The dusky light of dawn hung low beyond the boundary of buildings. Here the air lay quiet, still, as yet undisturbed. It felt as if the hillside itself were tucked into slumber.

With a sigh, Yuuji opened his car door, the soft sound breaking the silence. He stepped out into the parking lot and shivered, pulling the ends of his suit jacket around him as cold air hit against his skin. God, even though he expected it by now, it never got any better. As always, Yuuji felt a bit silly—standing here underneath the darkened sky, wearing a pressed business suit, holding a briefcase, all alone in an almost-empty parking lot, feeling for a moment as if he were the only person left on earth. But then again, this was how all of his days started. And as long as Yuuji kept moving, he knew that the illusion would always break.

Yuuji glanced around. The parking lot was huge around him, spreading out as an empty gray space. A few vehicles lay scattered here and there, the place rarely vacant no matter what ungodly hour it was. The sky still looked like night above him, a light purple just beginning to tease at the edges. It was, after all, barely five A.M. Yuuji muffled the familiar urge to yawn.

He swung the car door shut, locking his ride with the click of a button, and walked on up the slight incline toward the building. Within minutes Yuuji was at the front door. He walked right through, flashing his ID card at security. And this time he didn't even fumble it in the least, Yuuji realized with a dash of pride. Good.

Inside the building, bright lights shone from overhead, almost apologetically waking up everyone who stumbled inside and doing their measured best to create the feeling of morning. A single receptionist staffed the front desk. Yuuji nodded at her as he passed, while she bowed in greeting. "Welcome, Mr. Norita."

Yuuji continued on, moving down the familiar hallways, pressing through doors, and taking the occasional turn, watching posted warnings saying "only staff permitted beyond this point" pass through his vision and then fade away behind him. Finally, he reached the ground floor of an elevator. A broad staircase rested just beyond. Yuuji glanced between the two of them for a second before squaring his shoulders and going towards the stairs. Most always, he didn't take the elevator unless he was running late. And thinking about the next eight hours, Yuuji knew that he would probably need all the exercise he could get.

Finally he reached his desired floor, exiting the stairwell to pass through a wide doorway. And as he did, Yuuji seemed to enter into an entirely different world.

The lights here were rounder, less bright. The ceiling was high and gray, with the faint outline of pipes just barely able to be seen running across it. Technical machinery was gathered about, oriented more towards one side than the other. People moved all around, heading to and fro, some of them obviously dressed for TV while others walked around in T-shirts and slacks with microphones stuck in their ears. Producers, editors, tech workers…people of every kind went by Yuuji. In the distance came the scattered sound of instructions being delivered at a rapid pace. Occasionally someone would burst past at a half-run, off to fetch or deliver something or another. The space was full of latent energy, the buzzing, electric feeling of anticipation. It was like looking out over a miniature city.

"Mr. Norita!"

A young voice called out from the crowd. Yuuji blinked once, then twice, before realizing that the message was meant for him.

"Hm?" he responded, turning after a brief pause. _Mr. Norita_ … Honestly, he wasn't used to such formal addressment, and it still threw him off every once in a while.

A young woman came running up to him. She had long brown hair tied up in a ponytail and wore lipstick in a neutral shade. A clipboard was clutched in her right hand. She bowed once she reached him. "Mr. Norita, I've scheduled your interview with Chief Kuro Hideyoshi, as requested by the director. You're set for the 11:45 slot."

"Ah..." Yuuji said, the event striking a familiar chord inside his mind. "Oh, right. Thank you, Haruna."

The woman nodded. "Also, they wanted me to let you know that we'll be doing live cut-ins with the ground crew during the early afternoon."

Yuuji nodded in acceptance.

At that, the young woman bowed one last time and then hurried off.

Yuuji stared after her for a moment, glad that he had at least managed to remember her name, but there was no time for dawdling. He had his own preparations to make.

Getting into the rhythm of things, Yuuji stepped into the flow of people and let the motion of a new day overtake him. There weren't as many people here as there would be later in the day, but despite the obvious gaps in the crowd, the early-morning news scene was in full swing as always. Scattered snatches of conversation could be heard. Over by one wall, a female newscaster was practicing parts of her script. And by the other wall, a few techies were huddling over a piece of equipment.

First thing first—and Yuuji was glad he had remembered to do this—he needed to stop by the ol' ironworks.

Yuuji felt his back automatically straighten up as he entered the sea of cubicles, located a fair distance away from where he had first entered the floor. Ahh yes, the anonymous farm where journalistic efforts would be both sewn and reaped, stories typed up and then mercilessly edited down. Yuuji remembered this grind. He was very glad he didn't have to do it now.

Yuuji tried to summon a smile to his face along with an air of jauntiness as he smacked the top of one certain cubicle. "Hey Tatsuo!" he said, leaning against the partition. "You got my copy ready yet?"

A young man sat there at the desk, glasses resting across his nose. He smirked up at Yuuji. "Nice to see you too, Yuuji. I suppose that's your idea of how to say 'Good morning'?"

Despite the man's tone, Yuuji couldn't bring himself to take offense. Tatsuo was one of the few people in the office that Yuuji was on a first-name basis with. And after the encounter he had earlier this morning, such casualness was refreshing. "Yeah, yeah, can it," said Yuuji. "You know as well as I do that there are no 'good' mornings. Only mornings. Which are, by definition, not good. The phrase itself is an oxymoron," he said, hiding another yawn at the end of his sentence.

Tatsuo laughed at the sight. "If you say so. And yeah, I got your stinkin' copy. Had to get up even goddamn earlier to finish it, so you'd better be grateful."

"You're a lifesaver!" Yuuji cheered him.

"Pfft." Tatsuo rolled his eyes. For a moment his fingers drifted to the side, where an empty ashtray lay. Smoking was illegal inside the building, but Yuuji had learned that the man still liked to keep it around for some reason. Tatsuo said it reminded him to look forward to his smoke breaks. "And how's your day looking so far?"

Yuuji shrugged. "Oh, y'know. The usual. Profiting off of tragedies, reading whatever's handed to me, pretending to look concerned about egg prices. Whatever, really."

"Keh. Soul-selling pretty-face." Tatsuo chuckled. "Not that I'll ever understand why they chose you for TV, with your looks…or lack of them, rather. How's it feel acting as a figurehead?"

Yuuji stuck out his tongue. "Better than working back here, thanks."

"Y'know, I'm not so sure I want to give that paper to you," Tatsuo teased, miming holding something out and then pulling back on it. "What are you gonna do with it, anyway? All you have to do is sit there and read. Anybody could do that." Tatsuo puffed out his chest. "You made-for-TV stars don't really do anything, right? You're just gonna take my hard work and say all the words outta your own mouth. Us guys here in the back are who do all the hard stuff. Remember that."

"Pfft," Yuuji responded, waving away Tatsuo's remarks. Such banter was old routine between them by now. "Please. To get here in the first place, I had to do what you're doing there. I went through college too, y'know? Same degree."

Tatsuo smiled. "Whatever. Here's your copy," he said, taking a sheaf of paper from the printer and slapping it on top of his desk, deftly adding a few more sheets to it with a paperclip. "Notes are attached."

"Thanks man," Yuuji said, and meant it. He left Tatsuo with a light wave. Behind him he saw the man return the gesture, Tatsuo already reaching into his pocket for a carton of cigarettes.

Yuuji walked until he reached the stairwell, re-entering and then heading up an additional flight. At last, he reached the major broadcasting floor—the one he was supposed to be on. Seeing the familiar stark-white walls and drab décor, Yuuji took a breath. Some part of him relaxed as the feeling of being suddenly in his element overtook him. These were his walls. This was his place.

Well, to a certain extent, Yuuji thought again just a few minutes later.

He had been walking down the hall when he passed by one of the broadcast rooms. A group of people had been milling about just outside—nothing unusual, as things were still being prepped and tested. But as Yuuji respectfully tried to skirt past, a certain senior coworker had called out to him—a man Yuuji knew only by his surname, Yamashita.

Yamashita was only a few years older than Yuuji, but with just enough difference that it showed. His hair was black and he had a rather long, chiseled face, along with slightly-too-bushy eyebrows that were secretly the topic of much discussion and gossip among the station's back rooms. He had called out to Yuuji, leading Yuuji to stutter and hurriedly tuck the documents he was holding into his briefcase. Yamashita first greeted Yuuji, then instructed him to go run and get them some coffee before go time. He could do that, couldn't he?

Yuuji fought the urge to grind his teeth at the memory. Technically, yes, he did have time, but only barely… And yet here he was, trying not to look like he was rushing as he stepped down the hall and into the lounge in pursuit of Yamashita's order.

The newcomer-senior system in Japan sure was tough, Yuuji thought, and not for the first time. He let out a sigh as he watched the coffee pour. What was even more strange was that Yuuji was basically both newcomer and senior at the same time. Technically as a newsanchor his rank was rather high around the office, but in terms of years spent at the company he was still a newbie. The fact that he was noticeably young for an anchor didn't help, either. So, occasionally, Yuuji would find that he had to go run a minor errand or fetch coffee for the others. If he could pass it off on some other even-lower-ranked urchin he sometimes did, but today no one convenient had appeared.

 _Tch._ Yuuji finished up, trying not to feel irked. This was just the way things were. Think of how great it would be once he had built up the years of experience, and the honor was extended to him instead...

So he didn't complain. And he bowed his head at every request. That was what it took to succeed, to live a working life here, to be an adult.

"Here you are sir," Yuuji said as he handed the tray of drinks to Yamashita.

"Thanks," Yamashita replied. He snagged a cup while hardly looking.

As Yuuji bowed and turned to leave, a sudden voice called him back. "Oh, and Norita-"

Yuuji turned to see Yamashita give a non-committal head nod his way. "Good luck with your work today."

Yuuji stood still. His mind worked for a moment, processing the words and yet having trouble reaching an exact consensus on what they meant. In the end, Yuuji decided to just give an appreciative smile. He could only assume that he'd made some in-roads with the senior workers. Or perhaps Yamashita was just in a good mood. Either way, Yuuji nodded back and raised his fist slightly in a 'yeah' gesture before scurrying away. Damn, he sort of felt like Haruna.

Down the hallway, Yuuji glanced at his watch. Yes, a physical one, wrapped around his wrist. If viewers saw that you were aware of the time, they would often assume you were aware of many more things as well. _Whoops!_ Not long 'til go time. And there were no exceptions. Not in this line of work.

Yuuji hurried onward. Right on schedule, he made it to makeup. The foundation and powders made him look awful face-to-face, Yuuji knew—the goal was to be appealing on camera, not in real life, after all—but it was important for appearances on TV. Sitting through each session was a pain, but at least it covered up any blemishes. Yuuji gave a snicker at the thought. Little did anyone know that their newscasters were wearing more makeup than the average girlfriend.

At the end of it all, Yuuji's hair was smoothed back and gelled. He looked at himself in the mirror. As always, his hair had been parted asymmetrically through the middle. Yuuji hid a grimace. He looked—and felt—like his father. Quickly, Yuuji checked that his suit had escaped unscathed. It had, thanks to a barber-shop-cape thrown around his neck by the cosmetics workers. His suit itself was within dress code—a strict regulation of black, dark blue, or gray colors. No going beyond. It simply wasn't professional.

Yuuji nodded at the makeup crew in thanks and then moved on.

After entering the studio floor, Yuuji finally took up his place at his station. Even more people bowed upon his arrival, muttering out greetings to "Mr. Norita". Yuuji just gave a light wave.

He took his seat behind the desk that made up the majority of the stage. The backdrop behind them was the same one Yuuji had always known—a calming expanse of blue, tan, and white, with screens for correspondents to appear on. The backdrop wall was so low that Yuuji could see past the top of it just by glancing up. But that was the magic—as long as the cameras didn't zoom out too far, no one outside the room would know. The broadcast desk was smooth and slick beneath Yuuji's arms. Beyond the stage where the newscasters sat, the glare of the studio lights faded out, creating the sensation that the newsanchors were inside of a fishbowl, with the rest of the space unnervingly cut off. A host of cameras were lined up along the edge as thick and hulking towers of metal. The film crew was currently bustling behind them, moving the handles up and down and checking the angles. Everything seemed to be in order.

At his seat, Yuuji sipped some coffee while he read over the hard-copy in front of him. Had to be informed about the news before attempting to present it to others, after all. Thankfully, this drink was one that some other gopher had fetched for him. And hurray for caffeine. Yuuji had tried not to become addicted to the stuff, and still attempted to go without it occasionally. But honestly, Nagisa had to forgive him this one vice. He was only human.

Speaking of Nagisa…

A recent memory flashed through Yuuji's head. Nagisa, and a certain red-haired man, standing right outside in the same parking lot he had been in earlier…

* * *

" _Wow, so this is your workplace?" Nagisa gaped. "That's really cool."_

" _Hmph," said Karma. "Looks alright."_

_Yuuji puffed out his chest. "Told you that I'd show it to you someday. Now remember, behave yourselves. Guests are allowed to wander around inside the non-restricted areas, but any more than that and you'll get kicked out. Plus, well…" He scratched his scalp as if only just now realizing that this might not have been a completely-good idea. "It'd come down on my head."_

" _Oh, no. We wouldn't want that now, would we?" Karma's grin looked evil._

_Nagisa elbowed the prankster hard in the side. "We won't cause trouble for your job," he promised._

_Together they had walked inside._

" _Why's this place on a hill?" Karma mumbled._

" _Dunno." Yuuji shrugged. "Better signal or something?"_

" _Yeahhh, that's not how radio waves work."_

" _Oh, shut up."_

_The receptionist had blinked at Yuuji after he approached the desk, asking for two guest passes. "And who might these be, sir?"_

" _Visitors," Yuuji had explained it away. "They're only here for the day."_

_Her gaze might have lingered for an extra second longer, but the receptionist dutifully bowed her head and slid two passes across the counter. "Of course, Mr. Norita. We wish you and your guests a good day."_

_The moment Yuuji's hand took the two passes and he had stepped away from the counter, he saw two shadows rise in the corner of his vision._

" _Ooh, 'Mr. Norita'?" said Karma. The expression on his face had changed to one of a demon. "Such respect. So mature. How…fancy." From the other corner of his eye, Yuuji was pretty sure he saw a similar teasing look on Nagisa's face._

" _Can it, you two," he muttered, making sure no one could hear the remark._

" _Anyway, here are your passes," Yuuji said as he handed them over. From there on, Yuuji had led his two guests on a light tour. He took them briefly around the ground floor, pointing out things and giving just enough information to convey an idea of what the place was like. "So that's the green room… My department is upstairs… And over there would be the break room, that's where I met up with Kurata last week to write that special-studies report, you might have read it in our print-edition…"_ _Despite himself, Yuuji couldn't help but puff up a bit with pride every time he mentioned a fact that he was particularly involved in_ _ **.**_

_He didn't have to do this, of course, but the two other men had expressed some curiosity about his job. And besides, after saying all that bravado about how he could possibly use his news-presenting skills to help support Class E, Yuuji felt like he should probably provide some evidence to back it up._

" _Um... And anyways, yeah, that's it," Yuuji said at length, scratching his head and turning around as he realized that he had reached the end of what he could show them. "As I told you, there's not much else to see. Security is tough around here."_

_Karma nodded his head. "Oh, we know," he said, tone sounding all-too-aware, as if speaking from experience. Yuuji was suddenly reminded of something he had once heard—that media centers and news stations were often structured in a certain way, specifically designed to be difficult for terrorists or other outside parties to overtake. Outside parties. Like assassins._

_Yuuji shivered. "God, don't say it like that, it's creepy…"_

_Quickly, Yuuji checked his watch. "Anyway, that'll have to do for now," he said. "I have work this afternoon, but I'll come meet up with you guys later."_

_Nagisa nodded in response, but Karma widened his eyes in a fake show of offense. "What," Karma said, his voice stretching out the syllable, "too good for us? Can't be associated with us commoners while at work?"_

_The taunt's barbs landed, but Yuuji tried to resist. "Karma, you know that's not true," he said. "I'm just busy, alright? I've got a very important job."_

" _Important? Really?" Karma turned to Nagisa with wide eyes. "Nagisa, I think the high-life has started to overtake our dear friend here."_

" _It has not!" Yuuji snapped back, realizing too late that he had played right into the man's hands. "I'll have you know I've gotten a lot better on that front. It's just…this is something of a different level! It's a_ _matter of professionalism," Yuuji insisted._

" _It's fine, Karma," Nagisa piped up, immediately breaking the mood. He smiled lightly. "I don't mind. Besides, it's just fun to get better acquainted with Yuuji's job. I've always wondered about what it was like."_

_The breath stilled inside of Yuuji's throat. "Nagisa…" he said, caught up in the sight of the man's face for a moment._

" _Hey, what's this?"_

_A flippant voice suddenly called Yuuji back. When he next blinked, he saw Karma and Nagisa with their backs turned to him, the two men apparently absorbed in exploring the rest of the ground floor._

" _Ooh, such high-class fabric," Karma said, batting through a set of window curtains._

" _And plants! Are they real? Fake?" Nagisa said as he poked at the potted greenery's leaves._

" _What shiny tiles! Bet the network paid top-dollar for these. Welp, don't mind if I walk my shoes all over them…"_

" _Look, a P.A. system connecting all rooms! Truly the most modern of communications..."_

" _Woah, this elevator goes up how many floors?"_

" _Hey, what's over there?"_

_Yuuji felt panic shoot through his stomach. He turned his head side-to-side, watching some of the other employees begin to notice the two men's antics, praying to god that none of his coworkers would walk around the corner at that moment and see his guests rummaging through the place. Yuuji gritted his teeth, hating himself at the same time because this was much too petty, the two men must be teasing him, hoping to make him dread that very thing._

" _Okay, okay!" Yuuji yelped quietly, stretching out a hand towards them. "On second thought, we're cutting this visit short."_

* * *

"Ready?"

The voice of Yuuji's coworker snapped him back to reality. "Huh? Oh, yeah," Yuuji said, looking up to meet eyes with his co-anchor.

The other man blinked, but it seemed as if he were prepared to give Yuuji the benefit of the doubt. "You sure?"

"Totally." Yuuji gathered his papers in front of him and tapped them once against the desk, evening out their lines and then letting them fall where they may. He shot his co-anchor a teasing grin. "You looking forward to today's commercial breaks?"

Yuuji's co-anchor tried to keep a stern expression, but Yuuji could see the edges of the man's mouth twitching in barely-held-back amusement. Usually during the day, the only free time Yuuji and his coworkers really had was when the cameras stopped rolling for commercials. For those precious few minutes they could chat, relax for a few moments, and catch up on other stories. Of course, there had been that one paper-airplane war…

"I don't know what you're talking about," his co-anchor chuckled. "But c'mon, Yuuji. Quit joking around. It's almost time."

"Aww c'mon, you know I don't joke too much. And you've seen what I can do on this job," Yuuji said. "Just gotta keep it fun for us somehow."

Then, seeing the cameras swivel into position, Yuuji's jovial tone faded. He straightened his back and folded his hands together on top of the desk. In front of him stood an indistinct world wrapped in shadows, the shapes of the executive producer and director looming there, dozens of people crowding around beyond the border, the cameras posed and staring like ancient gargoyles.

For one moment, Yuuji looked up. The teleprompter waited, its very first words beginning to crawl across the screen. A hard-copy rested in front of him.

Yuuji took a deep breath. He had a live cutaway at ten, their first major story was on the three-alarm fire in the eastern district, and he had an interview with Chief Kuro Hideyoshi from the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department later in the day.

Over to the side, their producer started the countdown, the shadowy shapes of fingers slowly decreasing from a place beyond the camera-line. Just before cue, Yuuji summoned a familiar smile to his face.

_Good morning. I'm Norita Yuuji with today's news. Our first story today..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact- the idea behind Yuuji's job came from me originally misreading his dialogue in the manga when he talks about his father for the first time. I thought he had said that his father was a news-host, but he's actually supposed to be a celebrity or a talk show personality. Luckily I managed to catch this before doing chapter 6 of Found You Again, "Hat Time", but the idea wouldn't leave me alone and I thought it might be a good career for Yuuji in the future. It's just similar enough to his father but different, and has a markedly different tone than being a celebrity. It's got more weight to it, and a little more significance. 
> 
> Also, uhh…I don't actually have first-hand knowledge of how TV news stations work, so I took my best guess.;; Sorry if it's terribly inaccurate.
> 
> TL note: I used the terms "newbie" and "senior" in place of where the terms kouhai and senpai would be during the coffee-getting scene. But if you guys think those terms are well-known enough in fandom, I'm not opposed to changing it.


	7. Snake Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY DO I KEEP WRITING LONG CHAPTERS I'M SORRY

The air of the restaurant was filled with a low background of noises and scattered conversation. Glasses clinked. Waiters shuffled to and fro. Diners laughed, all lost in their own little worlds. Tables and booths filled the room, proceeding in neatly-arranged lines until they turned around a corner. The lighting, courtesy of lamps attached to the walls, was bright enough to touch upon everything. This restaurant was a place of black and white, elegant tablecloths brushing up against the dark furniture and walls. Meanwhile the padding on the seats was gray, and, as Yuuji was quickly finding out, quite comfortable.

Yuuji sat back in his seat and relaxed. Going out to eat had been a good idea, he decided.

The three of them had been sitting at home when the suggestion of going out for dinner had somehow come up. At which point Nagisa had turned to him with a twinkle in his eye, saying that he bet Yuuji would know a few places. Of course, Yuuji had jumped at the opportunity to show off. There was a wide variety of places he could think of, and many that they might have chosen from, but Yuuji was confident that he had made the right selection. This place was upscale, but nothing too suffocatingly-fancy. Karma and Nagisa appeared to be enjoying themselves as well, and a calm, pleasant mood had settled in across the table.

Yuuji's eyes drifted back down to his plate. The food had been wonderful, of course. Everything seemed to have been cooked with care, despite the bustling state of the restaurant, proving that this place could handle a large amount of people at once. Proportions had been good. And presentation was lovely—some garnishing and light drizzling of sauce giving their meal extra points for looks. The greens were springy, the meat crisp, all side dishes flavorful yet modest in the face of the main courses. Perhaps some spices had been over-used just a bit, but it wasn't a deal-breaker. Yes, if Yuuji were to describe this place to other people, that was what he would say.

Yuuji cast a quick glance around. Of course, even the non-food elements of the restaurant had an effect upon the customer. And Yuuji rather liked what they had done with this place—the way the waiters were dressed signaled a level of casualness, but the food itself was on par with some of the stuff Yuuji had gotten in five-star hotels. Very interesting.

Thoughts ran flying through Yuuji's head. He stared down at what was left of their meals, every bit of flavor and sensation being recalled to his mind, it all mixing and turning into something new. Secretly, Yuuji had the sudden urge to order more things off the menu, even if just to take a small bite from each and see how they compared.

He frowned. And there was something else…something not even in the food itself, but further back, in the way Yuuji could taste that it must have been prepared. Had they gotten a new chef? Perhaps. Now, how did this style compare to the one in the past? Was it better, or worse? Considering the overall effect, Yuuji thought he might have his own preference, but he would have to think about it a bit more in order to be sure-

Yuuji's fingers twitched. He felt suddenly so aware of the small notepad he kept in his right-hand pocket. His fingers ached with the urge to pull it out and start writing, scribbling down notes and recommendations, just like the old days. For a moment, Yuuji's mind was filled with memories of his food blog. _That old thing…_ Nostalgia filled Yuuji to the brim like a cup. He didn't have that blog anymore, but he did still have the foodie habit. And his elite sense of taste.

His fingers lingered over his pocket for a moment before Yuuji let them drop with a bittersweet smile. Well, who would have known? He was happy with what he had made now, but perhaps a critic career was possible in "another life", as Nagisa had put it. Anyways, it would always still be a part of him.

When Yuuji refocused on the table, he heard voices striking a familiar tone.

"And I'm saying that-"

"I hear what you're saying, but-"

"You know that I'm more than capable of-"

"Oh please, everyone knows that-"

"No, no, if you wanted to use this place for that, you'd have to-"

"Still I really think-"

Yuuji let his mouth drop open slightly as he watched Karma and Nagisa debate across the table. Another competition between assassins? Yuuji let out an exasperated-sounding sigh. But when he crossed his arms, leaning forward to rest his chin on one hand, he did so with a feeling less of irritation and more of practiced resignation. "Not this again," he grumbled. "Also, are you guys sure you should even be discussing this in public?"

"No worries," Nagisa said back. "We're keeping our voices down, and the other tables can't overhear us from this distance."

"Right," Karma nodded. "And anyway, there are just a few more points that I need him to understand-"

"Oh my god," Yuuji groaned. "Why don't the two of you just settle who's better once and for all?"

He had been joking, but the two of them actually stopped and turned to look at him.

"That…wouldn't work," Nagisa said hesitantly. "We're both so different in terms of our specialties, a competition just wouldn't be fair."

He bowed his head. "Besides, it's not really supposed to be arguing over 'who's better', it's about sharing information and comparing technique…"

"Yeah," Karma said after a moment's pause. "I'm more of a combat-oriented operative, while Nagisa is better in terms of raw skill." His gaze slid to the side for a moment, singling out the other man. "Although he does have something that I don't."

 _Hm?_ Yuuji interest was instantly piqued. Meanwhile, the blue-haired man seemed to shrink down in his seat. "No, I don't," he muttered.

"Yes, you do," Karma insisted. "Something that no one else has."

Nagisa kept his gaze angled down. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Karma raised an eyebrow. "I think you do," Karma stated calmly. He took another bite of food from where it had been languishing on his plate. "There's a reason why you were voted top in our class, Nagisa. You know that."

The air inside the booth seemed to have chilled a bit, along with the look in Nagisa's eyes. Yuuji could sense a quiet tension growing, its existence based off of reasons and events that he had not been privy to. "I just got lucky," Nagisa replied.

At this, Karma only shrugged.

"In that case, let's set up a little challenge," Karma said then. He cast a long glance across the room. "Just a show of skill between us. How about… Hm…" His gaze swept over everything, touching on tables, patrons, and carts of dishes modestly waiting to be removed back to the kitchen. At last, Karma's gaze rested upon a group of young women standing by the front desk. It appeared that they were waiting to be seated.

"Ah." Karma pointed obliquely with the end of his silverware. "There. The brunette with all her friends. Go and snag something from her, like a loose clothing tag or something. Then bring it back, of course."

Nagisa frowned. "What? That's boring," he said. "I've done that before."

Yuuji blinked, trying to hide the surprise he felt at the man's request for more challenge, but Karma only nodded in response. The red-haired man seemed to be in deep thought for a minute. Then he wiped his hands on a napkin and spoke again. "Okay, okay. Well, in that case, then why not do the opposite?"

Karma held out one hand, offering Nagisa a slightly-rumpled sticker perched on the end of his finger. The two men's gazes met. Somehow, Yuuji felt like he understood what they were silently saying—subtracting something from a person was hard, but adding something where it had not previously been was even harder.

Nagisa reached out and snatched the sticker from Karma. "Alright," he said. "You're on."

For all that confidence, Yuuji had expected the man to act a little quicker. After his declaration Nagisa just sat there at their table, loosely fiddling with his silverware and keeping his gaze directed down towards the tablecloth. The energy surrounding him was so calm that after a few moments Yuuji wondered if the man had somehow forgotten about their bet. Then, after a minute had passed, a new sound came on Yuuji's left. It was the group of women, slowly approaching an open table off to the side. A waiter bowed as he gestured to their seats.

Just as the group was about to be seated, Yuuji saw Nagisa's hand blur out of the corner of his eye.

One of the saltshakers disappeared from their table, a small cylinder rolling, tossed downward from Nagisa's palm. Nagisa's expression was unchanging as the container rolled along the floor, its divoted sides making an almost undetectable whirring noise. It passed by the feet of other patrons, remaining unnoticed by the wait staff. From where Yuuji was sitting, Yuuji had a clear view as the saltshaker approached the shoes of a certain woman—one standing right in the middle of the group, with long brown hair. As the object tapped against her foot, she blinked, her attention caught down and away from her friends for a moment.

At once, Nagisa stood, the feeling surrounding him somehow making Yuuji jump for a moment. The young man set off towards the group, his figure immediately taking on the image of a young student, or perhaps a businessman, shoulders relaxed and his arms swaying casually.

When the woman noticed the shaker, she bent down, leaning over to pick it up. And as her hand made contact with its sides, she looked up to be met with the face of one Nagisa Shiota.

"Oh! I'm sorry, it got away from me for a moment there," said Nagisa, his hand hovering a millimeter away from the saltshaker. Yuuji was just barely able overhear him from their booth.

"That's okay," the woman rushed to say. A light smile flitted over her face, no doubt drawn out by the disarming smile waiting on Nagisa's own.

Nagisa's timing was perfect, Yuuji realized with the same feeling as a block of ice sliding down his back, the young man sneaking up just under the woman's perception, his hand arriving at the shaker at precisely the same moment as hers. An instant connection. Plus, it had redirected her attention towards him. Looking at Nagisa now, with that smile on his face along with an open, clear gaze, he looked for all the world like a clumsy, well-meaning young man.

"Thank you for trying to help," Nagisa said, giving a small bow.

"Oh, of course!" The woman said, waving one hand. "No problem."

Nagisa gave another nod. Then his expression changed into one of puzzled curiosity. "Um…excuse me, but would your name happen to be Kaede?"

"Uh, no?" The woman's smile froze. Her eyes flicked back toward her companions. "One of my friends has a name that's…kind of similar, but…"

"Oh, I see," Nagisa said, smoothly whisking away the question. "My mistake, then. You look a lot like somebody that I used to know. An old friend from high school, actually. I'm so sorry, honestly, I could have sworn…"

The two of them talked, soon merging into a laugh or two, clearing away the alleged 'misunderstanding'. And through it all, Nagisa carried himself with aplomb. A certain precision seemed to have manifested itself inside him, present in every move he made. And yet it was hidden, camouflaged to those that the young man did not want to see. His words came out smooth like a river, directing the flow while still invisible, controlling the conversation in an unseen vicegrip. Each word was another curl in a cobra, smooth and flexible, the man's gestures soothing, probing like a flicked tongue. His patterned smile might as well have been armored scales. And all the while, a certain _something_ lay coiled tight, unused for now but always lurking. Only the most astute outside observers, and for most not even then, might ever start to wonder if there could be poison hidden down below.

"Well, thank you anyway," Nagisa said, resting his hand against the back of the woman's neck for a moment. He had been drifting closer to her this entire time, it became suddenly apparent, and so the gesture came off as nothing more than a casual touch meant to signal farewell. "Again, I'm sorry to have taken up your time."

He bowed before turning to leave. The group of women were left behind him, giggling amongst themselves and shooting one or two last glances over at Nagisa's retreating form, as if signaling to each other that they had found him quite agreeable.

Nagisa came back to their table and sat. All at once, the aura around him seemed to reset. It was as if a dark north wind had entered their booth, and sat down as just an ordinary man. Nagisa's hair was tied up in the same style as always, his eyes bright and untroubled. And yet, compared to what Yuuji had just seen, that felt like the most unsettling thing of all.

Yuuji stared, left reeling. He had actually done it. Distraction, connection, conclusion…it had all gone so perfectly. Why, Nagisa had even made it look easy. But Yuuji knew that that couldn't possibly have been ease—that was pure skill.

A prickling sensation rose in Yuuji's skin. Yuuji tried to focus, feeling almost as if he had been set adrift. Incredible. With that charisma, with that patented, experienced smoothness, Yuuji had the sudden thought that Nagisa could have gotten the woman's number if he hadn't been so interested in dropping off that little sticker, could have gotten anything he wanted, _done_ anything he wanted.

More realizations came to light like a flower blooming, each new layer being pulled back to expose others. But in a mark of true assassination prowess, it happened only leisurely and after the fact. Yuuji's mind spun at what felt like a kilometer per minute. Oh dear god, that could have been a knife at her neck instead, he realized, held there at the back, just waiting to slice across. If this had been a different setup, or a different place… And the saltshaker? Had Nagisa done that on automatic? Or was that an entirely new trick, invented spur-of-the-moment? If so, the man had insanely good instincts…

Despite himself, Yuuji couldn't stop one particular phrase from coming to mind. His consciousness just kept replaying those same moments, over and over. Nagisa and the targeted woman. It had all gone so smoothly, so perfectly, so precisely. _What a beautiful skill…_

Karma nodded. "Well done," he said at last. Then he added in a murmur, "as always."

Nagisa shrugged. "It's all about timing," he replied, cool and calm in the aftermath. Somehow some part of him seemed more at ease now, having gotten more in tune with his instincts. "You've just gotta look for the signs, watch for an opening. Like…where the spike meets the decline. Follow the flow."

Nagisa paused for a moment and then stared up at the two of them. "You guys don't see this, do you?" he said with the air of someone who had already reached this conclusion individually on their own.

Yuuji was still speechless, but even he felt a twinge of curiosity. Karma raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Nagisa seemed to consider things for a moment. Then his hunched shoulders straightened, as if he had come to some sort of decision. "I can show you," he offered. "Here…"

Nagisa grabbed the nearest napkin, flipping it on its side and taking out a pen. Then Nagisa braced himself over it, resting his chin on his other hand while he stared over at Yuuji, his blue gaze practically piercing into Yuuji's skin. A jolt of self-consciousness ran through Yuuji for a second. Why had _he_ been chosen? But he sat still nevertheless, feeling a bit like a specimen under a microscope. And as Yuuji watched, Nagisa's hand swiftly began to move over the napkin, carving out a jagged spike, a wobbling arc, countless scribbles of ink…

Yuuji frowned. What _was_ that?

When Nagisa's pen finally skittered off the edge of the napkin, he turned it around so that the two of them could see. Stretching there across the entire paper was a jittery line—made of ups and downs, peaking and lowering at regular intervals until it resembled a series of small hills. The image looked almost like a heartrate monitor.

"What the heck is that?" Karma asked.

Nagisa slowly took a sip of water from his glass. "I don't know," the young man admitted. "I don't really understand it myself. All I've been able to describe it as is…well…" He looked thoughtful for a moment. "It's like…everyone has a certain wavelength of attention. You just don't realize it. It's the line of one's consciousness, with all the underlying ebb and flow. It can be strong, or it can be weak, it can become sharp when feeling aggression, or dull if one's in a neutral state of mind. But it never, ever lies."

Nagisa rested one hand at the top of the napkin, fingers splayed to point out the scrawled lines. "Sometimes I call it the Flow. Or the Monitor. Or even, 'the Pulse'."

Quietness fell around the table. "Huh," said Karma at last.

Nagisa nodded. "It's always there, even though you're not aware of it." For a moment his eyes glanced around, professional, not even giving the slightest turn of the head to suggest he was looking. "Those three women at the table to our left, the server walking over to the corner, the couple sitting far over there…I can sense what all of them are feeling, to a certain extent."

"Really?" Yuuji burst out.

Nagisa nodded again. His expression was one of deep concentration, something flashing and dark hidden within his gaze. "The server has had a bad day," Nagisa narrated. "His wavelength is frayed, but he's keeping it together for now. He'll probably be exhausted once he gets home, though. And the couple…well, they might look like they're having fun, but the woman seems to be getting more and more fed up with the guy. In fact-" Nagisa broke off moments before the young lady stood. Patting her skirt, she appeared to make some sort of excuse before making her way towards the bathroom.

In the few seconds that followed, Yuuji and Karma were both silent, staring. "I…guess that proves it," Karma muttered.

"I swear I'm not crazy," Nagisa insisted. "Look, I can show you-"

Nagisa scribbled on the other table napkins, drawing his pen across their surface in a silent frenzy until he had gathered together a small collection of line graphs. When he ran out, the young man used pieces of paper, which Yuuji silently peeled from his notepad and handed over without any prompting.

"This is what anger looks like-" Nagisa said, drawing tight, jagged lines that gradually built higher and then subsided, "-and this is fear." Those words were followed by a pattern of sweeping, trembling lines, that fluctuated just enough to make Yuuji believe that they couldn't have been drawn from simply guessing.

"I've seen it before," Nagisa continued, "in the words and the threats of violent hitmen, when my mother was anxious and scared by a rouge assassin, in the millisecond before an opponent decides to strike. Using this, you can almost always sense where a person's main focus lies. You can even tell when the right moment to startle someone is, by watching the rise and fall." The young man's voice had quickened, now running a bit fast, as if he had never before gotten a chance to talk about this with someone.

Yuuji snorted, not so much out of disbelief but shock. "You serious?"

"Yes," Nagisa said, gaze snapping up. "For instance…" He stared at Yuuji, eyes still bright with that certain off-green sheen. Yuuji gulped, getting the sudden feeling that the man seemed to be looking _behind_ him. Or maybe even right through him. Time slid past, catching Yuuji's attention for—a second, maybe half a second? Then Nagisa's hand moved and he-

_**sNAppeD** _

Yuuji blinked, coming back to himself. Dully, he became aware that Nagisa and Karma were both staring at him. The entire world had seemed to go blank for a moment, vanishing into white, that one sound plus perfect timing managing to disrupt Yuuji's thoughts and blast a hole through his entire perception.

Yuuji scowled. "Hey."

Nagisa didn't answer.

"Uh, I said h-"

_**SnAP!** _

This continued a few more times, Nagisa snapping again at odd intervals, always managing to hit some hidden peak, always sneaking in at the precise time to make Yuuji flinch, even when Yuuji tried to anticipate it.

"Alright, alright, enough already!" Yuuji said at last, shaking his head to clear away the echoes. After so many bursts of noise, his memory of the past few minutes had turned into swiss cheese. "That's…uh…" He swallowed roughly. "I believe you."

"It works just like the clap stunner," Nagisa explained, using a reference that Yuuji didn't understand, "pushing the target's consciousness just past the brink until it breaks for a moment. You have to hit it at an extremely specific point. But yeah, that's what reading the Pulse can help with."

The three of them fell silent.

"I see," said Karma. "So that's what you see. Incredible."

Nagisa looked up at him, the young man's gaze holding some kind of fervent hope, as if desperate for someone who understood. "Karma, do you know what I'm talking about?"

After a moment of thought, Karma shook his head. "No. I mean, I understand the basic feeling of what you're saying, but only as something that I would use as a guessing point. Nothing like this." He frowned. "Do you mean to say you actually see physical lines floating behind a person's head?"

Nagisa hesitated. "No, not…really?" he said, sounding unconvinced even of himself. "It's just…a representation. A tracking system for something else. And I don't sense it all the time, only…when I concentrate. But it's always there. You just have to get a feel for it."

Yuuji looked rapidly between the two of them. "Can…can you use that on Karma too?" he asked, feeling timidity latch onto his tongue.

Nagisa stared over at Karma and frowned. The red-haired man stared back at him, face carefully neutral. "Karma is…harder to read," said Nagisa at last. "He's had more training, and is more familiar with this kind of thing, so it seems to be easier for him to hide his wavelength. I can still see it though," the man finished matter-of-factly.

Another contemplative silence fell over them. Yuuji found himself watching Nagisa, his mind still caught in the aftershocks of disbelief. There the young man sat, his hair light like a halo against the backboard, surrounded by a litany of written pulse-sheets like a scene out of some sort of deranged hospital, staring down at his drink, a faintly lonesome expression hidden there behind his bangs. His fingers tightened almost imperceptibly around his glass.

Some sort of feeling welled up within Yuuji. _Tch,_ Yuuji made a noise, reaching out for a fresh sheet of paper. Yuuji slapped the paper down in front of him, bracing himself over it with his pen raised. Then he concentrated on Nagisa.

The young man blinked, appearing to notice what Yuuji was doing. He looked up, showing Yuuji an open and unguarded expression. Briefly, Yuuji wasn't sure if he felt honored or annoyed that Nagisa seemed to be making it easy for him. Yuuji focused, trying to look beyond just what Nagisa was showing him, staring at some point behind the man's shoulder, doing his best to imagine the subtle ebb and flow of pulsing lines. C'mon, Yuuji thought to himself, he had those crazy powers of observation, he should be able to do this…

A wiggly line slowly traced itself out beneath Yuuji's pen. When he finished, Yuuji drew the pen up and away from the paper in one fell swoop. Then, he leaned back to admire his work.

But after another few seconds, Yuuji took a breath and sighed. "It's no use," he admitted. "It doesn't…feel the same. I was pretty much just guessing. Anybody could try to make a line depicting the perceived tensions they sense from other people but…that's not the same as what you were talking about, is it?" When Nagisa gave him a shake of the head, Yuuji frowned. "Yeah, I thought not."

Yuuji swept the piece of paper away. No, that wasn't right at all, Yuuji thought to himself again. This hadn't been anything _near_ Nagisa's level of demonstrated skill.

"Karma, do you want to try?" Nagisa prodded lightly.

Karma shrugged. "Nah. Told you before, I'll pass."

Quiet grew around the table. Amid the muffled clattering and conversation continuing on in the background of the restaurant, Yuuji began to get the sense that their outing was dying down.

Sure enough, soon Nagisa gave a soft smile. "Well. Was that enough of a skills demonstration for you?"

Karma nodded. Yuuji mumbled out an affirmation. Silently, Yuuji got the sense that he and Karma were both thinking the same thing—there wasn't really any point in talking about being the "better assassin" anymore.

"Great," Nagisa said cheerfully. "Then if everyone's satisfied, I guess we're done here."

The three of them slowly stood up to leave, searching around to make sure that they had everything before scooting out from the booth. Yuuji had already been duped by Karma into paying for the meal, but that was okay. And when Nagisa had inevitably opened his mouth to offer to pay for his share, Yuuji had waved the man away. Honestly, Yuuji thought, what sort of a boyfriend would he be if he couldn't even pick up an occasional tab? This was the least he could do. Literally. Besides, the price wasn't much. At least, not to him.

As they left, a certain thought rose in the back of Yuuji's mind. He cast a glance back over his shoulder. There he saw the young woman from before, laughing with her friends around their table. The long sweep of her hair hid the slightest hint of a red dot on the back of her sweater top. Yuuji shivered. They still had no idea.

He faced front again, Karma and Nagisa walking in front of him. And as they went, Yuuji couldn't help his gaze trailing on Nagisa's back for a moment longer than it should.

In the space between seconds, Yuuji thought he saw the trace of a dark shape wafting around the young man's form. It clung to his limbs, formed by the curved swing of his hands, the smooth outline of his hair, the scuff of his shoes against the floor as quiet as the slide of a scaled belly. The weight of a shadow pooled within his lithe body. And what was more, the man seemed to know it. Each step he took radiated a calm, clear sort of danger that Yuuji saw the more he cared to look. Every centimeter of the man still made Yuuji want to drop his guard and open his arms, but somehow that embrace felt cold now, as if it would mean stepping into the arms of a gorgon. And as Nagisa continued onward, Yuuji had the sudden thought that it wasn't prey, but predators who were able to walk through life most calmly.

A pang of worry flashed through Yuuji. With all that skill, he wondered if he was an open book to the other man. And if so, just what did Nagisa see?

Yuuji hadn't thought about this for the longest time. But once he did, he suddenly realized that the feeling had always been right there, within his reach. Ever since middle school, he had known. There was a certain darkness somewhere within Nagisa.

And Yuuji knew there was no denying that it was always there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, in partnership to what I imagine the "10-hit" kisses to be, this is how I often interpreted Nagisa's whole "heartbeat-lines" thing. It was fun to think about how that might be represented in real-life.
> 
> Also, writing about Nagisa's ability and its associated "snake" imagery is always great fun. :)


	8. Storm Time

It was early evening, the light outside just beginning to deepen into shadow, and things were slowly settling down around the house.

Yuuji lounged, tapping his feet aimlessly as he lay on his side and stared off into space. He was relaxing on the floor, a pillow tucked beneath his arm. The others were there too—Nagisa sitting at the low table, reading a book, Karma leaning back comfortably, his eyes watching the TV at the head of the room. Everything existed in a sort of quiet stillness. All was present. All was calm.

Yuuji listened to the television without really taking in any sounds. The noises seemed to bounce against his perception, sliding off of his mind like water meeting a saturated sponge. He wasn't thinking of anything in particular—a future worry, his job, something like that. So much had happened lately that it seemed important to sort everything out.

And yet, in actuality, it felt as if nothing had happened at all. His new guests had settled in, the house actually felt lived-in now, and Yuuji had slowly started to adjust to the sensation of finding other peoples' belongings left around the place and friendly faces waiting for him whenever he got home. Somehow, over the course of…how long had this been, a week and a half? it had even managed to reach a new sense of normal. Yuuji closed his eyes for a moment to savor the feeling.

_Rrrring-rrrring…_

The soft trill of a cell phone broke the silence.

In the corner of his vision, Yuuji caught sight of Karma making a face. The man brought one hand to his pocket and dug out a phone. He glanced down at the number. For a split-second, an unknown expression flashed across his face before twisting into something deeper. He looked around the room and then brought the phone up to his ear.

"It's me," he said.

After another moment Karma nodded. "Yeah. Uh-huh."

Then another pause, during which his eyes narrowed at something left unsaid. "What do you need?" he asked, tone careful.

Over to the side, Yuuji heard the sound of Nagisa's book softly closing shut.

"Uh..." said Karma, scratching at the back of his neck. From his voice, Yuuji got the sense that the man must have been thinking deeply about something. "Depends."

Karma waited for a moment as more tinny sounds came over the phone. "Well, that…" he suddenly broke off, scowling. "I'm gonna need a few more details, to be honest."

Karma listened intently over the course of a minute, biting his bottom lip. Finally he sighed, moving his mouth away from the receiver so that the phone wouldn't pick it up. "Minimal risk, huh? Yeah, that's what they all say."

Tilting his head back, Karma closed his eyes in an expression that looked almost like defeat. "Compensation?" he asked at length, like someone checking in on the time for a funeral.

"Alright then, just this once," Karma spoke again. He twitched his fingers, hand curling around empty air as if to strangle it. "The usual guarantee, I suppose? You stiff me and I swear you'll find yourself very, very sorry."

"Right. You and me both. See you then." Karma jabbed the 'call end' button and heaved himself to his feet. "Welp, gotta go," he said, giving Yuuji a brief, grateful nod in place of a bow. "Thanks for the use of your house, Yuuji. It's been fun. Sorry I gotta cut my visit short."

"Who was that?" Nagisa asked. Though the man tried to hide it, Yuuji thought he picked up on a tense edge to Nagisa's voice that hadn't been there before. "What…well, what did they want to talk to you about?"

Karma shrugged. "Just work."

Nagisa frowned. "Work?"

The young man's questions sounded uncharacteristically worried. That was Yuuji's first clue that something was wrong.

"One last job," said Karma, shrugging again as he wriggled into his jacket. "Just this one final bodyguard assignment and then I'll be done for good."

"What? Oh no, Karma. Not again," said Nagisa. He had stood up halfway, his hands braced wide against the table. "I-I mean…who says it really will be your last? If you succeed, that just makes it even more tempting to take a job again. And every job we take comes with a certain amount of risk, you know?"

"This one's not dangerous," Karma brushed his remarks away. "Or at least, it shouldn't be. You heard what I said to them."

"But who can tell? It's impossible to know for sure-" Nagisa cut himself off, as if suddenly feeling unworthy to speak those words. "I just… Wait," Nagisa pleaded. "I don't understand. I thought you had other goals that you were working towards."

Karma's amber gaze turned to him. "Yeah. And? There are plenty of other things that you could be doing too."

"I'm not leaving the business while some people are still in it," Karma declared, cutting the young man off before he could begin. "Besides…"

He made eye contact with Nagisa. "We E Class kids stick together."

With another deferential nod towards the center of the room, Karma turned and walked out. Knowing him, it would be less than a minute before he had all his stuff gathered and was closing Yuuji's front door behind him.

Nagisa stared after where he had gone. The young man's arms were still braced on the table, his fingertips digging into the wood. His expression looked rigid, traces of anger, worry, and multiple other things showing just beneath. His brows were furrowed. A frown pulled at his lips.

"Wh…what's wrong?" Yuuji asked, finally finding his voice.

All at once, Nagisa's face relaxed. It withdrew into itself like a mask, emotions retreating in a way that felt as natural as ocean waves skittering back across the sand. He smiled over at Yuuji, showing nothing but a smooth countenance. "It's nothing," Nagisa reassured him. "Karma's just teasing. You know how he can get."

Before Yuuji could react, Nagisa bowed and turned to leave. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think… I think there's something I need to go check on," Nagisa said. He stood and exited the room, his steps measured, back held straight.

Then he was gone.

Yuuji stared after him in shock. Now it was Yuuji's turn to have his gaze linger on an empty doorway. What had _that_ been about?

He frowned for a second. Should…should he go after Nagisa? Or just let things be? The man had seemed pretty composed, sort of, but-

 _No,_ the thought arose unbidden to Yuuji's brain. The back of his mind had picked up on something—a minuscule waver in Nagisa's voice, a faint line creasing between the man's eyebrows, the way he had seemed perfectly calm there at the end, so natural that it managed to wave off all questions before they began. And once Yuuji had picked up on it, he found himself unable to forget. Something wasn't quite right.

It might have been Yuuji's sharp powers of observation—those rotten people-sensing abilities that he had gotten after a life of being raised by a celebrity father and the scumbags that tried to flatter him. Or no, Yuuji shook his head, it might not have been that. It felt more like mere familiarity. He had known Nagisa for so long now that the man was imprinted upon his memory. And after forming such a concrete image of a person, you tended to notice whenever their features strayed too far beyond the usual outline.

So he stood. And followed the man out of the room.

"Hey, Nagisa," Yuuji called, walking quickly through the hall. Briefly, he remembered having read once about people sometimes needing space when they were upset, but he didn't think this was one of those times.

He found the man standing by the bathroom, pacing.

Yuuji's stomach did a flip-flop at the sight. He had been right. Nagisa did look worried, the man's gaze angled down, his face contorted, clutching one hand with another and fiddling his fingers between them.

"Nagisa…" Yuuji said, his voice coming out half-breath like a sigh. He approached slowly, giving the other man time to spot him out of the corner of his vision. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Nagisa's head snapped up at the sound of his voice. "Yuuji..." he said, more a statement of fact than of recognition. "I'm fine. It's nothing."

Yuuji frowned. "This doesn't look fine."

Nagisa scowled. He shrunk back towards the wall.

Okay, okay. So that had been the wrong thing to say. Yuuji took a breath and tried again. "That is to say, no, I don't think you are fine. What's wrong? Can you tell me?"

Nagisa shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, even though the hallway wasn't particularly cold. "It doesn't matter."

Yuuji hesitated before responding. "I think it does."

"Don't worry about it."

"Nagisa, how can I not-"

"Don't ask, please," Nagisa said, in a voice that spoke of just wanting to shut everything down. "It's nothing. Okay? So don't worry. You're lucky to not _have_ to worry."

"Honestly, you know me, Yuuji. I'll be fine," said Nagisa. He smiled, then—something brave but fragile, edged with broken glass, so different from the ones that Yuuji had seen before. The sight of it sent prickles up the back of Yuuji's neck. The man standing across from him should never have to smile like that.

"Are you sure?"

"Seriously," Nagisa repeated. "It's none of your concern."

Some place deep inside of Yuuji sunk. He recognized those words. Hell, he recognized this pattern. Nagisa was doing the exact same thing as back in middle school—slipping away, giving only reassurances, fading behind a curtain of myriad excuses.

But this time, Yuuji was determined to do something different.

Running off of pure instinct, Yuuji concentrated. He swallowed down his fear, his doubt, all of his unsaid words, sweeping away all the clutter from his heart, leaving it open and clear.

"Nagisa…you know that I love you," he said. Nagisa blushed slightly at his boldness, but Yuuji couldn't help himself. He saw no reason to hold himself back. If he was gonna make it known, then he would make it known all the time. After everything they had been through, that was the least Nagisa deserved. "And that's exactly why I'm here. I'm not trying to bother you, I just want to make sure that you don't feel too alone."

"If you're struggling, no matter what it is, I want to help." Yuuji continued. He gave a watery smile. "Look, I know we both know that there's nothing much I can do, aside from pay for things, maybe. But I can at least be there for you."

"Nagisa, please," Yuuji said, feeling concern pull taut at his face. "I understand where you're coming from. I get it, I really do," he said. And he meant it. For all Yuuji knew, Nagisa had been practically living off of secrets for the past few years. "And I hear what you're saying. If it's something that you really don't want to tell me, I'll respect that. It's just that that feels…awful lonely. And I wouldn't want you to have to go through that. I wouldn't want anyone to."

"It's just that I…" Yuuji broke off for a moment. He struggled to think of how he should phrase a thought that he barely knew himself. "No matter what it is, if we're gonna be…what we are, then you're gonna need to trust me. You have to let me in sometimes."

"Just know that I'll love you, regardless. That won't change." Yuuji took another breath, feeling the pounding in his heart start to calm just a tad. "But if you're hurting, I want to be there for you."

Just by speaking the words into being, they felt more real, Yuuji realized. It was as if his consciousness had been filled with smoke, and by forming it all into words Yuuji had finally managed to make it take an identifiable shape. All the uncomfortableness, all of the creeping doubts, anxious chills, and stomach clenches from before suddenly rushed back to Yuuji's mind in a moment of rare clarity.

Yeah. The morality, the gray area—it mattered, yes, Yuuji couldn't say that it didn't. But what was most important to him was Nagisa. He had to focus on that first. That was the one thing he did know above all else.

He had always known what he felt for Nagisa.

"Your problems are my problems, too," Yuuji finished. "Or at least, you don't have to shoulder the burden alone."

Nagisa seemed to hesitate then, pausing for just a moment as if some part of what Yuuji said had managed to reach him.

"I just," Nagisa began, speaking haltingly. "Karma's conversation…it reminded me…" Then he sighed.

"Yuuji, what do you think about who I am?"

Er, what? The question came out of nowhere, leaving Yuuji floored. He struggled for a moment, thinking of how to possibly express to Nagisa all the admiration he held for him. "I…well I think you're an amazing person," Yuuji started, but Nagisa only shook his head in response.

"Not that. I mean my job."

Immediately, a rock seemed to drop into Yuuji's stomach. It felt like he had been punched in the chest. He wished he could deny what Nagisa had said, could somehow twist its meaning into something a bit more comfortable, but no. The man's tone made his meaning quite clear. Here it was—the question Yuuji had never wanted to answer.

He hesitated for a second and Nagisa took the initiative.

"I mean, I am an assassin," Nagisa detailed. "Like I told you before, I…found myself drawn to this. The business seemed to fit me like a glove. We worked so hard to- to defeat Korosensei, that none of us could ever just forget. An experience like that changes a person, especially when so young-" His voice broke for a moment and he hung his head. **"** We all had to find uses for our skills somehow. **"**

When Nagisa next looked up, his eyes came to Yuuji's in a piercing stare. "I was good at it, Yuuji," the young man intoned. "It was fun to build up more skills, hone more abilities, seek more knowledge. To finally be competent at something, to get…recognition for it. People told me that I had a gift."

"So I became an assassin," Nagisa declared. "I went. And I saw. And I accepted jobs, and completed so many of them…" His eyes screwed tightly shut for a moment, as if to block out unwanted memories or to block himself from appearing in those of others. A few seconds passed, the air around the man feeling thick with anguish. Yuuji's hand trembled with the urge to reach out to him.

"But I…came back."

As those words dropped from Nagisa's lips, his voice grew kinder. And with them, for just a moment, the tiniest hint of a smile like the ones Yuuji had known began to show across his face.

"You were the first place I ran to, Yuuji," Nagisa said. "The first thought to make me realize there was still somewhere else I could go. I realized while I was over there that, whenever I felt confused, all of a sudden you were the person I wished for. When I needed comfort, soon the only thing I could think of was being by your side. And when I realized that I would be returning to Japan after so long, one of the first things that came to mind was your face."

The words hit Yuuji and slowly soaked through to his brain. He shifted on his feet awkwardly. What? Nagisa couldn't mean that. Yuuji wasn't… wasn't anything special like that. Right?

But Nagisa's tone was as warm as Yuuji had ever heard it, the man looking right at him with an open gaze and a voice that positively hummed with honesty. "Everything about who you are: your warmth, your steadiness, your energy, your…presence. All of a sudden, I needed it. It helped me. I thought that you of all people would understand," Nagisa said, his voice ringing off of something in Yuuji's recent memory in a way that sent an echo through Yuuji's very core.

Nagisa's expression seemed to have lightened a bit over the course of his speech. "I can't explain it, but I figured that you of all people would accept me," he continued, "and make me feel loved, wanted, valued again. You've always done that. And not for what I could do, but for who I am. "

Yuuji stood in the wake of the man's words. He felt powerless, unable to speak or even move, taken over by an indescribable feeling. Suddenly he could do nothing but stand there, silent as Nagisa's words washed over him and Yuuji's mind reeled. He had…? And he said that...? So he was actually that important to…? And that all matched with what Nagisa had said before, so…he really hadn't been lying back then? A fluttery happiness burst to life between Yuuji's ribs. All those times back in their hotel, it really hadn't been a trick?

"You make me feel grounded. You're my rock, my stability. This house, this-" Nagisa gestured around them with wide, sweeping movements. "This _everything_ , was what I was wondering about. I thought you might be able to remind me of what 'normal' was, or at least remind me of what it was like to be human. When I wasn't exactly sure if I was human anymore."

"No," Yuuji burst out, the man's last words stabbing him like a knife. "No, Nagisa, don't say that about yourself-"

"Easy, easy. It's okay," Nagisa said, waving him away. "It's just that…I guess I've come to realize that I find a lot of comfort in you."

Nagisa brushed the hair away from his face and glanced up at Yuuji in a way that was almost shy. "Do you remember back when we were kids, Yuuji? You said that you wanted to see what I could do. My abilities. My skills, that I had learned only for killing…you faced them with such positivity. You made me feel like I wasn't a monster for learning them."

An appreciative grin broke across Nagisa's face. "You called them 'superpowers'. I've never forgotten that."

A light, warm feeling flooded through Yuuji like a sunbeam. He hated to admit it, but Nagisa was right. He remembered—Nagisa and him, running and leaping though alleyways, jumping off walls... It felt strange, but nice, to think back on those memories from a lifetime ago. He hadn't ever thought he would need to recall them again.

When his focus came back to Nagisa, he saw the young man frowning. Nagisa flexed his fingers, staring down as if he expected to find his hands stained with something.

"I've just been thinking, lately…" Nagisa spoke aloud. "Is this really what my teacher would have wanted me to do? I mean, I thought he would approve. He knew my talent, he knew me better than anyone else did, and given his background I think he would understand. We even discussed it once, among the two of us. But…is this really what he meant for me to do?"

Yuuji wished he could say something to that. He wished so desperately that he ached. He wished that he could give some form of comfort, do anything other than stand there like an idiot, but in the moment Yuuji found himself unable to manage anything but silence. He knew what Nagisa was talking about—his teacher, Korosensei, the octopus-like-superbeing, the otherworldly entity that had once threatened the entire earth. Although to Nagisa and the rest, he had always been simply a mentor.

Yuuji had some background knowledge on this subject, but not enough. Besides, this was something that Nagisa needed to figure out by himself. Yuuji could tell by how self-directed those questions were. Yuuji tried to show support through his eyes instead, hoping that the strength of his gaze would at least send a signal to Nagisa that he was listening, that he knew, that he understood on some basic level. But he couldn't ever claim to stand in the man's place.

Suddenly Nagisa took a deep breath, as if readying for a dive or preparing for a giant leap. "I don't know…if me becoming an assassin was really the best decision."

Shock ran through Yuuji's veins like lightning. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You don't want to be?"

"It's not that I don't _want_ to be," Nagisa said, sounding so very _certain_ in a way that threatened to turn Yuuji's spine to ice. "It's just that… I don't think… I don't know if…."

The man's blue eyes had turned stormy, growing dark before tossing and turning like a sea. They were no longer two lakes. Yuuji fought to suppress an instinctual tremor at the sight. He had never seen Nagisa's gaze like this before.

In a flash, Yuuji imagined two different sides to Nagisa—the shadowy assassin side, that took pride in his work, and…something else, struggling to break through from just beneath. Never before had Nagisa appeared to express both parts at the same time.

Nagisa seemed taken over by complete confusion. His expressions were turbulent, Nagisa shifting on his feet, restless. Every centimeter of the man seemed to radiate pain. The sight of his face in agony made Yuuji's heart twist in a way that Yuuji never wanted to feel again.

"I just…I don't know!" Nagisa burst out. He paced, facing back, then front, then front again. His teeth worried his bottom lip. He brought one hand up to his face and then brought it back down.

Yuuji held out his arms. He wanted desperately to move in closer, but part of him wondered if that might just make things worse. The young man didn't look so stable at the moment. Nonetheless, Yuuji tried his best to look open, ignoring the stuttering feelings of tension battering at his ribs. A grounding point—wasn't that what Nagisa had called him? B-but still, Yuuji's thoughts zipped, it wasn't like Yuuji had any real experience in this area, and though he wanted to calm Nagisa, Yuuji had very little idea himself of how to handle this. Oh man oh man, what should he do, what should he do-

"Hey, hey there," he soothed, "it's okay Nagisa, it'll all be okay. I promise. It'll be okay. And, um, if you need anything I'm right here-"

Any following words were crushed out of Yuuji when Nagisa suddenly lunged forward, burying his head in Yuuji's chest. Yuuji felt the breath leave him with a whoosh, stumbling backwards until his shoulders hit against a wall. A brief moment of panic shot through him, Yuuji feeling suddenly very very aware that this was a literal assassin tackling him, but it was just as soon followed by a stab of guilt for thinking such things. He winced, opening his eyes to find that they were now inside the bathroom. A metal towel rack was pressed uncomfortably close to his left arm.

Slowly, Yuuji became aware of a weight upon his chest. He looked down to find Nagisa curled up against him. Yuuji blushed in a fit of self-consciousness.

Nagisa was resting there, upside-down from Yuuji's point of view, his chin tucked in and head propped up against Yuuji. Nagisa's hands clutched lightly at his shirtfront. The young man's eyes were closed and his face slack. Yuuji's heart wavered at the sight. He looked so peaceful, compared to just before. And now that Nagisa was so impossibly close, Yuuji could tell that he was breathing hard slightly, a puff of air rhythmically escaping from Nagisa's nose to flutter the material of Yuuji's shirt. He didn't know how Nagisa could be so calm, or what had helped to soothe him so quickly. Perhaps Yuuji's arms, the softness of his clothes, his…scent or something? Yuuji's face colored at the thought.

"N-Nagisa, hey," Yuuji spoke again, trying to keep his voice steady. He shifted slightly, moving his arms closer around the other man and bringing his hands to the small of Nagisa's back. "Shh, it's okay, like I told you, it's all gonna be-"

His words cut off. Nagisa's right hand had moved suddenly, the tips of his fingers ghosting upwards through the air. Slowly, they approached Yuuji's neck.

Yuuji felt a dash of alarm. He gulped and closed his eyes.

With the softest of touches, Nagisa's fingers came to notch at a place just below Yuuji's jawline.

 _Huh?_ Yuuji's eyes flew open. Nagisa had both his pointer and middle finger extended, holding them together and placing them on what felt like a line in Yuuji's neck. Located comfortably far away from his windpipe, the spot rested right on the border of where muscle gave way to sinew, a certain indent covered by thin skin that Yuuji couldn't help but think of as vulnerable.

Gently, but insistently, the fingers began to press.

Yuuji swallowed roughly. But he stayed put. Slowly, he became aware of the rest of his body, that one point of touch creating a center for every other sensation to revolve around. He could feel each rise and fall of Nagisa's torso as the man breathed, every light brush of the other man's arms against his own. It made Yuuji weak in the knees, like a current of electricity was flowing through him, or as if they were balancing on a highwire. But it wasn't quite arousal. It was a lighter feeling than that.

Suddenly, Yuuji became aware of a thumping sensation below his left ear. His eyes widened once he realized what it was. It was his own heartbeat.

Nagisa was taking his pulse, Yuuji realized. And not from his wrist, but from his neck.

Yuuji stood in place, held there by shock for the better part of a minute. _Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump_ …the beat of his heart pounding out a tempo all the while. As it continued, Yuuji blinked, sinking down into what he would have described as a light, twinkling sensation. This felt…good. Not in a seductive way, but there was something about the connection and the silence that made everything seem suddenly a hundred times more detailed. His own breathing grew shallow. The entire rest of the world seemed to fade, Yuuji's senses zeroing in on the immediate half-circle surrounding them. Nagisa's fingers, comfortably warm, the man solid and reassuring in his arms, so quiet and peaceful that it was achingly, heartbreakingly endearing.

Softly, Yuuji's mind made a muffled connection. If the Pulse was the nickname for that ability Nagisa had explained to them before, did this also count as a way of 'sensing' a person's wavelength? Only, instead of indirect observation, this way you could feel it undeniably for yourself. Was Nagisa trying to use the Pulse here in order to calm down?

Yuuji's cheeks burned. But at the same time, he didn't want any of this to stop. He tried to keep calm, lifting his chin, choosing not to move as Nagisa readjusted those probing fingers.

As time went on, Nagisa's breathing slowly deepened and evened out. His eyes remained closed, every millimeter of him seeming to be fully focused on Yuuji's presence and the feeling of the pulse in his neck. Yuuji let it happen, a quiet and fuzzy emotion growing within him over the course of each passing moment. The experience was surprisingly intimate, as well as vulnerable, given Nagisa's profession and the noticeably close position to Yuuji's main artery. And yet, Yuuji never moved, letting Nagisa use the rhythms in the way he had spoken of before, Yuuji showing him complete trust. He stood there, back pressed against the wall, head tilted up slightly in order to give Nagisa complete access to his open neck.

As the silence of the room absorbed them both, Yuuji found himself wondering what Nagisa was thinking. Through all this time the young man had remained quiet, head pressed to the center of Yuuji's chest. Perhaps he could feel the mirroring beat of Yuuji's heart. In fact, Nagisa's ear was in almost a perfect position directly above it. Yes, Yuuji realized, he must be able to hear it, listening to the pump of blood leaving Yuuji's heart and then, moments later, tracking the response as it rushed through his veins, an endless cycle, Nagisa's own internal rhythms evening out with the reassuring pattern of push and pull.

Just thinking about it made Yuuji's pulse beat faster. He wondered if Nagisa could tell. And when the man's fingers shifted slightly against his neck, Yuuji knew that he had been correct.

Every second filled with a heartbeat. Yuuji stared across the room, looking but not really seeing anything. Slowly, he let his eyes flutter shut once more. He felt himself relax, giving into the rhythms completely. He was offering himself up. Nagisa could do, could sense whatever he wanted with him now. The two of them were intertwined. On some level, Yuuji knew that was dangerous. He knew it was probably madness to show anyone that level of trust when their hand was on your neck. But that trust was what Nagisa needed right now.

Eventually the two of them just stood there, listening. _Thud, thud, thud_. A soft rush, the ebb and flow of air through lungs. A steady beat from a person's heart, followed by an answering pulse in the person's neck. A constant communication, stable connection, never anything missed.

It didn't matter where they were. Any place like this—the two of them pressed together, Nagisa's hand soft and warm against his skin—was enough for Yuuji to believe it was heaven. And it was there, surrounded by towels and metal shower bars, where the whispers of the storm receded and began to be replaced by a sleepy fog, that Yuuji finally felt at peace.

The two of them stood there for a small eternity, Yuuji wordless, his face all red, Nagisa curled up against him, feeling his pulse and Yuuji giving it to him, their two heartbeats beating as one into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to write the events within this chapter for a long, long time. In fact, the image contained within that last scene was part of what pushed me to actually decide to write this last long trilogy-installment out for real. I hope it sticks in your head as well as it sticks in mine. :) By the way, you can feel your own pulse in your neck too, if you search for it. It's a pretty weird feeling.
> 
> Mini addition to fic playlist:
> 
> Salt Skin – Ellie Goulding  
>  _(You're as bright as the sun_  
>  _and as calm as the moon_  
>  _I don't know when you'll break_  
>  _but it's gonna be soon_  
>  _If my will caves in, I'll be in the same_  
>  _boat as you)_
> 
> Heavy In Your Arms - Florence & the Machine  
>  _(I was a heavy heart to carry_  
>  _my beloved was weighed down_  
>  _My arms around his neck_  
>  _My fingers laced to crown,_
> 
> _I was a heavy heart to carry_   
>  _But he never let me down!_   
>  _When he had me in his arms_   
>  _My feet never touched the ground,_   
>  _I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms...)_


	9. Home Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, most of these past delays were due to the Olympics distracting me.;; Sorry, but it's hard to argue against missing out on history. Now back to our regular programming! I'm gonna see if I can sprint through a few more chapters to finish off the summer.

Yuuji stepped through the door with a sigh. Slowly, he let his right arm slide down from his shoulder and flop against his side, allowing the ever-present briefcase to hit against his hip. A few strands of hair tickled his forehead where Yuuji knew his hairstyle must have begun to come undone from its gelled prison. Finally, home. Finally, alone. Finally, done. At least, for the day.

It wasn't that he disliked his work, Yuuji reflected as he slipped out of his shoes and left them haphazardly in the entryway, but he was beginning to look forward to coming home after it. Feeling the familiar air of the house settle deep into his bones, Yuuji took a breath and looked up to address the place. Sometimes it still took a little bit for him to remember this part: "I'm ho-ooome!"

"Welcome home," came a voice in reply. Nagisa stepped into view for a moment, emerging from the kitchen. A thin yellow apron was tied around his waist, the young man having apparently been in the middle of baking something. "It's good to see you, Yuuji."

Yuuji nodded back in response. Unwittingly, his heart leapt at the sight. Something about it seemed to catch his eye, his gaze tracing the outline of the strings across the other man's shoulders. Nagisa, standing there in an apron, ready to welcome him home. If he could see that every day…

With a gargantuan amount of effort, Yuuji shook his head to dispel the illusion. He stepped past the entryway and moved on into the living room.

This living room wasn't the same one they had hung out in before—not that smaller space, with a kotatsu in the center and a TV at the helm. This one was more like the center of the house, closer to the main hall and connecting everything together, with ample room for comfy couches, chairs, and whatever the hell else one might desire. The kitchen was attached to one side.

Yuuji sighed and set his stuff down on the nearest plush armrest, beginning to sort through his bag. This should stay, this needed to go, this was meant to be put on his dresser, and this, ah, this still needed to be worked on tonight.

"You know, it's kind of funny," Nagisa remarked. The young man had returned to the kitchen, fiddling with some things out of sight as he spoke to Yuuji through the open, rectangular partition. All Yuuji could see was the upper half of his body as he drifted from one side to the next. "I wanted to catch up on the news today, so I turned on the TV and started flipping through channels. Then…uh, well, one of the ones it happened to land on was yours."

Nagisa's face took on a cheeky expression. "Do you know how weird it is for me? To be able to turn on the TV and see my boyfriend sitting there, hair slicked back, all prim and proper behind the newsdesk?"

A blush surfaced across Yuuji's cheeks. "Oh, god. Please tell me you weren't watching," he begged.

Nagisa's eyes glimmered with amusement. "You looked so serious," he teased. "So very proper when addressing the nation."

Yuuji fidgeted, covering the embarrassment with a small scowl. The thought of Nagisa watching him from home, innocently turning on the TV to watch as Yuuji went through his day unawares, reading off of papers and chatting with guest stars…it was almost too much somehow. "I-If I knew that you were watching, I'd be so nervous that I wouldn't be able to read off the script!" Yuuji blustered.

"Oh? So should I not watch?"

"Uh, well, I guess every viewer counts…" Yuuji covered his eyes and sat down onto one of the couch cushions in defeat. "Though I don't want people to say that I guilted you into giving us business, or anything..."

At last, Yuuji waved a hand in front of his face. "Just…do whatever you want," he declared.

Out of the corner of his eye, he just barely saw Nagisa give an amused smile.

In the comfortable silence that followed, Yuuji brought one hand up to rub at his shoulders. God. Yet another day of no yawning, no sneezing or coughing, never not ever going to the bathroom except on your lunch break, and hoping to god you didn't sit uncomfortably. Oof. This job wasn't as easy as some people assumed.

"Yuuji? You doing alright?"

Yuuji's head jerked up. Nagisa was paused in the kitchen, his torso framed by the partition's square edges, staring over at him with concern. The sight of the worried lines tracing Nagisa's face made all of the tension within Yuuji go somehow immediately slack. Nagisa had been doing much better since the events of a few days before, having wiped his eyes and calmed his voice, apologizing to Yuuji for the sudden shock, letting the conversation fade and then exist quietly within their memory. Slowly, he had re-adjusted to and re-created a life for himself within this house. The man seemed to be doing okay now.

Still—Yuuji felt a twinge go through his neck in time with his own heartbeat—Yuuji didn't think he would ever forget the feeling that they had shared.

"Y-yeah," Yuuji answered. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Nagisa frowned. "Did something happen? I only saw a bit of the program, but I thought your interview-thing with that Koyama guy was pretty enlightening. Surely there weren't complaints?"

Yuuji let out a brief chuckle. "Heh. Glad to hear it. And nah, there're always complaints. Usually from internet losers who have nothing better to do than flame us." Yuuji shook his head. "That man totally took us off the rails, though. I got through two of my questions before his answers started taking us in an entirely different direction, so I just went with it, and…well, yeah, hopefully that didn't show up too obviously on-air."

"Really? I didn't notice at all," Nagisa reassured, his eyes going wide. "But that must have been hard. I mean, usually all you have to do is read off of scripts, right?"

"Hah! You'd think so." Yuuji sunk back into the couch. "But nope, actually. I mean, I do have my papers and the teleprompter-" Yuuji winced momentarily, hoping that Nagisa wouldn't make fun of him for using one. It was company policy, alright? "-but breaking news can happen at any moment. Sometimes stuff gets inserted into your program, and you've just gotta roll with it. There have been times when I'll look up and tell people _'we have a breaking news bulletin'_ , and even I don't really know what's coming next. Gotta readjust my tone and facial expression for it and everything." Then he broke into grumbling. "Or an interview will go completely off-topic, like today."

"Honestly, this job is more like half-planned, half-improv." Yuuji gave another sigh before allowing a small smile to grow across his lips. "Kind of exhausting, but at least it keeps things fun."

Nagisa nodded. "I bet. But hey, you're really good at it!" he said, a warm glow seeming to surround the compliment. "At least, you're a lot better with people than I am."

The young man broke off into a knowing grin. "Must be because of your father."

Almost at once, Yuuji felt a deep chill punch through his stomach. "Nah, not at all," he denied automatically. "Besides, you have a better personality by far. People probably want to forget me ASAP."

Yuuji leaned back in his seat, staring up towards the ceiling so he wouldn't have to see the critical expression that would surely be on Nagisa's face. It was true. Yuuji's coworkers often told him that he was a very different person once the cameras had stopped rolling.

A frown crossed Yuuji's face. Of course! People couldn't be fake all the time. What they really meant was that Yuuji was a lot less charming in real life.

Yuuji shook his head with all the feeling of a scowl. They could all say what they wanted. Yuuji knew that he was a little young to be here, but he had the talent and the hard work needed to back it up. And he was proud of what he could do.

Suddenly Yuuji became aware of a lull over to his left—a suspicious absence of noise, followed by the soft sound of footsteps. When Yuuji next turned to look, he saw Nagisa moving towards him, something red carried in the man's hands.

Nagisa took the baseball cap and swiftly opened it, placing it on top of Yuuji's head. "Here," Nagisa said as he firmly pressed the hat down. He smiled. "Now you look more like yourself."

After a surprised pause, Yuuji returned the smile. He gripped the brim and nodded. "Thanks."

For a moment, a simple, tamed sort of glow seemed to hover inside Yuuji's chest. This quiet peace, this unasked supportiveness in all the small things—maybe that's what intimacy was. He liked it.

Excusing himself, Yuuji left the room. He changed clothes, as usual, quickly shedding the trappings of work life for the comfortable T-shirt-and-jeans of personal life. Yuuji ruffled through his hair, beating out the black spikes until they lay flat in front of his face once more. Within a few minutes, he had settled down inside one of the side rooms, right next to the living room.

"Hmm…"

Yuuji stared down at the desk in front of him. Dimly, he was aware of his expression pulled back into something as rigid and unmoving as stone. A printout rested on top of the desk—a draft of an article that Yuuji was going to submit tomorrow, but still wasn't quite ready. Sure, technically Yuuji didn't work as a staff writer anymore. But even anchors were called upon for an article every once in a while, and it was good to upkeep one's skills.

As Yuuji concentrated, there came the faintest of flickering movements over by the door. Nagisa entered the room, leaning against the doorframe as he wiped his hands on a towel. The apron had been taken off.

By the glint in the man's eyes, and the soft, knowing lean of his shoulders, Yuuji could tell that Nagisa had noticed his plight. Of course. He always noticed.

"Tough day?" Nagisa asked.

Yuuji shook his head. "Nah. At least, not as bad as it could be."

"Oh. So, what have you got there?"

"A rough draft. It's due tomorrow, but I wanted to spend a bit more time on it. I can't seem to get it to sound quite right."

"Can I read it?" Nagisa asked, extending a few mischievous fingers in the direction of the desk.

Yuuji leapt to its defense. "No!"

"Well, how have you started?" Nagisa huffed. Despite the man's tone, Yuuji's mouth threatened to twitch upwards in a grin. There was the man's nurturing instinct again—Yuuji could tell that the next words out of him would be something along the lines of trying to figure out how to make things better, how to help, how best to build the thing in question up. The young man had always been this way.

Yuuji brushed his fingers through his hair. "Pyramid style, snazzy lead sentence, a few good quotes sprinkled throughout. All the information's there. I'm just…struggling to put it all together."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've got all my pieces, but," Yuuji frowned. "I still feel like it could be better."

"Hmm. Maybe try writing from the ending first?" Nagisa suggested. "I've heard that can help bring things together."

"No, that's not it. It just doesn't…sound right? Y'know?"

Yuuji gestured with his hands, waving as if trying to outline the shape of something unseen. The more he tried, the more frustrated he could feel himself becoming.

Still, Nagisa nodded along as if he understood. "Well, how do you know when it's 'right'?" the man asked.

Yuuji shook his head, at a loss over how to explain. "You can tell when you read a good book or a bad book, right?" He lifted a finger. "It's like that. Just a sense. Oftentimes, the best writing is when you don't even notice the reading at all." Yuuji groaned, glancing down at the gaping holes that he still had left to fill. "Sure takes a hell of a lot of work, though."

Nagisa gave a gentle smile. "Well, I believe in you. You can do it!" He waved his arms, making cheerleading motions from over on the sidelines.

Yuuji laughed at the performance. "What are you doing? It's- that's- that's okay, I get it!" he said, tongue stuttering for a moment over a happy, flustered feeling. Then he stuck out his chest, bringing both hands to his hips. "Heh. Well, of course I will! You're talking about the great Yuuji Norita here, brightest mind of his generation, the next up-and-coming star of newsroom television!"

Then he fell silent, Nagisa giving a knowing smirk out of the corner of his eye. Yuuji rubbed the back of his head self-consciously. "But seriously, though," he admitted. "I appreciate it."

"Honestly, I think I'm just struggling with getting the right flow," Yuuji grumbled, glaring at the paper as if doing so could intimidate it into behaving. He snorted. "Man, that's not even something you can really plan out, it just happens."

Some sort of interested spark seemed to flit through Nagisa's eye. "The right flow…" he repeated after Yuuji. "You mean word choice?"

"Kind of," Yuuji conceded. "But it's more than that. I mean the overall feeling of the work."

"That's part of how I can tell if my articles are good or not," he told Nagisa, one hand coming to the surface of the desk to pound on the paper as he spoke. "What the reading experience is like, how easy the words pass in front of the mind, how much effort it takes to get through, how the ideas and information relate to each other and pull everything along…that all adds up to something."

"I can't quite describe it," Yuuji admitted, struggling. "I think part of the point is that it can't _be_ described. It's wordless, but I can sense it. All good writers can. Maybe it's the same in every profession." He shrugged. "Something about the rhythm and the pattern within your own work, and how it feels. It's there, once you know where to look."

Nagisa was quiet for a moment. When he next spoke, his words came slowly yet precisely. "That…sounds like the Pulse."

"Yeah." Yuuji nodded, as if in recognition. "Something unseen, and unheard, but still felt? Like, a general smoothness around the edges-" He wiggled his fingers to illustrate. "Uh, or not, well, you know what I mean. Just the overall feeling of the thing. An innate quality."

Nagisa's eyes flew wide at Yuuji's description. "Wow, that's definitely it!"

Nagisa approached the desk, moving softly, reverently, blue eyes staring at the paper and all of its half-filled gaps. "You-" He looked up at Yuuji, the expression on the man's face as awed as if he were watching a star be born. "You can use the Pulse. In your writing."

"Keh." Yuuji let out a sound halfway between a scoff and a laugh, grinning as he gazed down upon the desktop. "If you say so. Honestly, I think most of it's just talent. That and hard work," he added quickly.

"After all, after spending so much time studying for a profession, almost anybody would begin to develop a certain sense for it," he said, turning to face Nagisa with a lighthearted swing in his step. "Maybe all of my work is starting to pay off. 'Everything you've been given is a weapon', right? And always carry a second blade."

Despite himself, Yuuji couldn't resist accompanying that last remark with a slight wink.

But the other man wasn't watching him.

Nagisa was staring down at the paper, his eyes wide like saucers, their depths sparkling like a sky at twilight finally cleared away of any clouds. When he next looked up, a bright sort of energy seemed to cling to him. With his expression lighthearted, relaxed, Nagisa gazed at Yuuji as if he had just found the answer to a particularly difficult worksheet problem.

The man left everything unspoken, but even so, it was a feeling that Yuuji thought he recognized. The thrill of feeling less alone. Holding gratitude in ones gaze, with a few awed questions hiding just beneath. Briefly, Yuuji thought he heard the echo of his own voice from a moment that might as well have been a lifetime ago: ' _How are you doing this? Always making me feel better about myself?'_

After that, Nagisa ducked his head. Yuuji thought he heard the man mumble something about that being cool, good to hear, most definitely, and other appreciative things, before Nagisa gave a short nod in his direction and moved to shuffle out of the room. But he didn't leave in an ashamed way—more with the air of someone who just wanted to give Yuuji space to work.

It might have been Yuuji's imagination, but as the other man left, his footsteps felt lighter than they had been before.

Yuuji watched him leave, a blur of blue disappearing behind the doorframe. Once Nagisa was out of sight, Yuuji let out a breath that he hadn't even realized he was holding. As always, the room felt a little lighter for having had the other man in it.

A thought suddenly struck Yuuji—hopefully this would make Nagisa feel less alone. Or, at the very least, show him that his abilities weren't inherently dark. A certain thrum went through Yuuji at the notion. If Yuuji had unwittingly been able to show Nagisa that, then he would be happy.

With that all taken care off, Yuuji turned back to his paper. Welp, it was time to return to work. Who cared if he didn't have everything perfect now? As long as he kept pushing, he was bound to get it right eventually. Besides, call him crazy, but he thought he could feel some inspiration coming on…

He'd better get started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess these past 3 chapters could sort of form a "mini-arc" of sorts, centered on the Pulse, showing its use as Nagisa's perception of it changes from something bad to neutral to sort-of-okay. :)
> 
> Also haha I forgot to mention Yuuji's baseball cap in all the previous chapters, so it gets a special mention here. ^^; Please imagine that Yuuji still wears it literally all of the time except for when he's at work.


	10. Nightmare Time

Sometimes, Nagisa would have nightmares.

They would come for him in the middle of the night. When the room was calm, the world outside dark and deep, the air cold around their bed and warm where the two of them lay. Sometimes pressed together, sometimes not. It all depended, and how was Yuuji to know? He never remembered how he fell asleep. Once a person was asleep, that was all there was. A blank slate. Slumbering. Drifting. Existing in nothing but dreams and scraps of sensation.

What Yuuji did remember—through the groggiest of thoughts—was how he would be woken up.

It usually began slowly. Sometimes just a twitch, an extra shift of Nagisa's body in the sheets. Yuuji wouldn't even notice until he had surfaced eventually back to consciousness, like a diver from a well, his mind filling in the blanks and informing him that this, this tossing and turning, had been happening for far longer than Yuuji had been aware of it. Sometimes there would be nothing, only silence until Nagisa's head started turning side to side, the man's mouth falling open, his breathing changing rhythm to grow more ragged and louder until it was actually a thing within Yuuji's perception, no longer blending into the current of the night.

The man would kick. The man would clutch the bedsheets, gripping onto them as if for safety. He would tense, sometimes held immobile but other times squirming onto his side or back, the air shadowed and cold around Nagisa's feverishly warm body. His face would become twisted, brow taught and expression fixed in a grimace. He would start mumbling, murmuring out things that Yuuji couldn't understand and almost didn't want to. Their bed would be disturbed, all sense of peace shattered, warped in an instant, tangled like the blankets around their feet. The breathtaking, impossible outline of Nagisa's body lying beside Yuuji would change into something contorted, curling in on itself and shivering, blue hair splayed out like spider webs against the pillow.

In truth, there was not much screaming. As always, it seemed, the man preferred to be private. When he collapsed, he collapsed inward onto himself.

But there was whispering. So much terrible whispering.

After this had occurred on a few separate nights, Yuuji found that he had learned certain strategies to wake the other man. Most of them were centered upon how not to get freakin' killed while doing so. After all, this was a trained assassin, and on these nights, such thoughts were impossible to ignore. Yuuji would always shiver whenever the man started flailing too widely, remembering how he had once seen the flash of something metal tucked in the space between their mattress and the headboard. A person with Nagisa's level of skill would likely always have something around to defend themself, especially at place as exposed as their bedside. Yuuji just hoped that the man's muscle memory wasn't so good that he could grab and swing a knife in his sleep.

You had to judge things—see how Nagisa rocked and moaned, taking in twitching limbs or shivering shoulders. Did he need space right now, or comfort? Sometimes it wasn't clear.

Calling his name wouldn't work. No matter how loud you called, Nagisa was lost to the world on those terrible nights. On some occasions, it was impossible to even get close. The man never struck, never lashed out with assassin-trained limbs that might have hurt Yuuji, but he did struggle and pull away, wrapping the sheets around himself in a protective cocoon and leaving Yuuji half-bare, shivering in his bedclothes against the intruding chill of the room. Those nights required a special sort of patience, a quiet endurance and a willingness to observe, bringing one's knees to one's chest to preserve body heat, watching the other man and listening to the gibberish of his fear until it reached a certain lull. Then, and only then, could one start trying to gently prod him back to wakefulness.

When possible, and if the going seemed safe, there was one way that seemed to work. A few short, sharp taps on the shoulder would do the trick, startling him back to life. Never shake him, Yuuji had learned. Never grab his shoulder and shake because then you would risk getting mixed into whatever Nagisa was facing in his dreams. He still remembered making that mistake the first time, the ice in Nagisa's wild eyes when the man awoke, spinning with hands raised to strike, staring at Yuuji as if he expected to see a monster waiting there.

No matter how you eventually managed to wake the man up, the same pattern would always follow. The disbelief in Nagisa's face. As if he couldn't believe that the awful things were not there, and Yuuji was. Then the slow, agonizing dawn of realization across his features, blinking as reality gradually soaked itself back into his brain. The sound of his own heartbeat and breath through the stillness. The quiet bed surrounding him. The sensation of the night air brushing against his skin. That was real. Those things were real. There would always be a moment in which an unspoken tension seemed to snap, the air between the two of them returning to normal as the nightmare faded, buried back where it should be.

Yuuji always did his best then, no matter how sleepy he was, trying to keep his expression neutral as he talked to Nagisa. He kept his voice steady but soft. Soothing. Reassuring. It's okay. It was just a dream. I'm here now. It's all okay. All the usual stuff, all of the normal, hackneyed phrases people would tell one another when they wanted to make themselves believe such things were true.

Maybe it was silly. And cliché. But those words were all Yuuji knew how to offer. At least somehow, on most nights, it seemed to help.

Nagisa would often feel guilty, then. He would bury himself in the sheets, burrowing even deeper than before, pulling the covers over his head to mumble out an apology, saying things like he was sorry, he shouldn't be bothering Yuuji when Yuuji was the one who had to rise at 4 AM for his job. God. Why did he do this. He was so sorry, just go back to sleep and forget all about this.

Yuuji would always tell Nagisa no. He would tell him it was alright. It wasn't his fault. And Yuuji meant it.

Because no matter how tired he might be the next morning, no matter how many yawns he might have to suppress before the cameras started rolling, it was always worth it to make sure that Nagisa was okay.

* * *

Yuuji never really knew what the nightmares were of. Those were Nagisa's demons to fight—his dark memories of the soul. But Yuuji could imagine them.

They were the things that Nagisa would cry out in the middle of the night, what words he would mumble over and over and over again. On the rare occasion, they were the things he would wake up shouting. Something about blood. Something about no, and don't, and not them, they don't deserve it. Something about fighting, plans that both seemed to be going wrong and plans that seemed to be going so horribly _right_. Names and details, descriptions that were too specific to have been fully-imagined, trailed by apologies, bargaining, a few desperate offers. Invisible phantoms assaulting Nagisa in the dark long after whatever had happened between them happened.

The nights when he would start pleading were the ones that Yuuji hated the most.

But there were other occasions, too. Other instances, no night unfolding exactly the same as the ones before it. Some other times, rarely, Nagisa would slip into a language other than Japanese. Those moments were the scariest, like some scene straight out of The Exorcist, Yuuji wondering what to do, staring at a huddled mess on the other side of the bed wrapped in sheets that seemed to be speaking in tongues.

Yuuji didn't have the linguistic skill to understand him then. But if he were to think about what the content might be, he had the grim feeling that he could probably guess.

* * *

Nagisa had said this in the daylight.

' _My former teacher described this, once,'_ he said during a calmer moment. Yuuji had finally worked up the courage to ask about the nightmares, asking Nagisa only if this was going to be a common thing with him. The young man had looked up then, his eyes sunken from lack of rest but smile still bright. " _Irina-sensei told us that when she tried to leave her old life, all of a sudden everything that she had done seemed to gain a new sort of sharpness. Our light was too bright for all of her years spent in the dark, and it threw things into focus. The memories haunted her so much that she was almost tempted to turn back. And she did, for a little while."_

" _It might be repentance,"_ he had continued, taking a sip of coffee from the cup held between his hands. " _If you live your life soaked in blood, then you never really see the bloodstains, but if you try to live a clean life, then all of sudden you become very aware of the blood on your own hands."_ The man shrugged. _"Stains show up more on white tablecloths than black. Same theory."_

" _This is my burden. For living life on the dark side of society, and then turning back,_ " Nagisa explained to Yuuji, with all the grace of a pastor. " _This is the price I have to pay"._

* * *

And so it would go, the vast majority of their nights spent peacefully, Yuuji still feeling like he was floating high as a cloud for being able to turn and see the most beautiful, most incredible man in the entire world lying there in bed next to him. The two of them could touch. They could kiss. They could hug. They could simply lie quietly, satisfied to just be. On those nights, everything seemed made from starlight and the space between breaths. All was calm. All was content.

And yet, occasionally, their sleep would be interrupted.

Nagisa would shift, and the starlight would scatter. Nagisa would groan, and the space between breaths would break down into something sinister, something frayed. He would murmur as he wrestled with things unseen, speaking to people, places that weren't there, eyes flickering beneath their lids, restless. He would flinch, caught up in an endless suffering. His normally calm composure would be shattered, gone. In these moment, he was so unlike how he usually was. So unlike the transcendent figure people had fallen in love with.

But Yuuji was never once tempted to leave.

Throughout the night, he would keep Nagisa company, whether good dreams or bad. He would leave Nagisa alone when Nagisa shouted not to touch him. He would give space if that was what Nagisa needed, the man flinching and shrinking away, staring at the exposed skin of Yuuji's neck as if he couldn't believe the man could be so vulnerable, that anyone could dare let their guard down around him. But Yuuji wouldn't move too far out of reach. And if the man later chose to lean into him, resting his head against Yuuji's chest, then Yuuji would be all too happy to gently return the touch, stroking Nagisa's hair in a way that the figures from his nightmares never would have.

Sometimes, if this happened earlier in the night, or on a weekend when the hour that they needed to get up was irrelevant, Yuuji would bring Nagisa tea. He would leave softly, tapping the edge of the pillow a few times to signal his departure, making his way to the kitchen and hurrying back quickly so the man wouldn't have to shiver in the dark alone. He would sit on the bedside, a warm cup ready in his hand if Nagisa wanted it. The bed looked so different once he was sitting up, the changed lines of Yuuji's body seeming to alter something within the space itself, and for a moment he would find himself hoping that it might be enough to transport Nagisa into an entirely different world. He would watch the man's back as Nagisa gradually stilled, the young man slowly drifting his way back towards calm. Yuuji would murmur soothing things to him—he was here, he wouldn't leave, it was okay now, he was safe.

Afterwards, long afterwards, they would fall back asleep together. It was all worth it to see the man then, in one last blurry glimpse before Yuuji's eyes themselves fluttered shut. Nagisa's face, relaxed into a serene expression. Hair framing his eyes in a curtain of light blue. Breath softly stirring his torso up and down. That was how it should be.

 _This is the price that I must pay,_ Nagisa had said.

But Yuuji saw no reason why he should have to suffer through it alone.

So he would stay. He would comfort, fighting off nightmares with half-mumbled words, making walls of his arms as he extended them over Nagisa in an embrace. He would use his presence to defy the darkness, serving as an anchor to this reality and always being there to ruin the shape of whatever illusions had been harassing Nagisa's mind. On certain nights, the ones that left the other man shivering, his eyes gone glassy and arms hugging himself in fear of what he had just witnessed or what he had done, Yuuji would curl around Nagisa, offering him warmth and giving Nagisa the comfort of a living, breathing body beside him. He breathed, long and low, feeling Nagisa eventually relax down into the rhythm. He shifted, the other man feeling solid in his arms, warm skin passing over warm skin. He let his mind go, the beat of his heart drumming softly in-between them. A reminder of how alive Yuuji was.

And when morning light came, if Yuuji really couldn't stay, he would stumble out of bed, pausing for just a moment to brush his fingers against Nagisa's cheek. The man would be asleep. Yuuji would keep it that way.

Sometimes, Nagisa would wake to find a teacup on the side table. Beside it would be an accompanying teapot, the contents of it still warm. Other times it would be a nice book, something to relax with. Or a single flower, plucked from the bouquet inside the vase in the living room. Tucked beneath each present would be a single scrap of paper, marked with familiar scribbled handwriting.

Either way, Yuuji would always find some way to leave a little note and a gift before leaving in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another idea that I've been meaning to cover for a very long time, so I'm glad I've finally gotten the opportunity to share it with all of you. :) 
> 
> Also, that one concept from Bitch-sensei's arc during the God of Death fight really stuck with me, so I wanted to give it a shoutout here (Beautifully illustrated in this panel: http://i4.mangareader.net/assassination-classroom/107/assassination-classroom-5290211.jpg ). Given Nagisa's position in this fic, I figured it was likely that he would go through a similar thing.
> 
> God, I love the idea of these two so much.


	11. Movie Time

Every couple had their fair share of traditions. One of Yuuji and Nagisa's was horror movies.

By "horror movies" they meant anything that looked scary and seemed like it might be good for a few screams or maybe laughs. And by "marathon" they usually meant only two or three in a row. Couldn't stay up too late after all, not with such an early morning start time, even on most weekends.

But on the few when they could, Yuuji would find himself carrying a pleasant jumping sensation around in his stomach all day, his excitement growing as the hours on the clock slowly ticked by.

A clatter arose as Nagisa tipped over a large box onto the floor, dozens of DVD cases scattering here and there. "There we go," said the young man, moving the felt container off to the side. The pile of DVDs lay centered in front of his knees. "We should be able to find some cool things here."

Yuuji flopped down beside Nagisa and began scanning through titles. "You know, we could just check out our options on the television," he pointed out. "Any rental-service you could name, I've got a subscription to."

"I know," Nagisa replied with an amused smile. He had probably noticed that about Yuuji's place already, Yuuji belatedly realized, but in all of the excitement Yuuji had forgot. "But hold on, I think there were some titles in here that we haven't gotten to yet…"

The man picked up a few cases, looking down at them and turning his head as if trying to decide between them. Yuuji cracked a quiet grin at the sight. Why yes, Yuuji had been informed, things _did_ still count as a date even if they were in your own house.

"I'm pretty sure we've exhausted the Top 10 list of all-time horror films by now," Yuuji spoke again, still rifling through the media-box collection. "Why not try some of the newer releases?"

Nagisa shrugged. "Hm. Maybe, but if you ask me most of those seem to be based off of things like social-media stalkers and stuff. I'm not really a huge fan."

Suddenly Nagisa looked over at Yuuji, a mischievous sparkle hidden within his gaze. He held up the two DVDs he was considering. "By the way, Yuuji, why don't you tap into your great sense of taste? You could use it to help pick out movies for us."

Yuuji felt his face color in a mix of flattery and indignation. "It doesn't work that way!"

And it was true. His highly-developed sense of taste only worked for food, not on anything else. Although now that Nagisa had said it, Yuuji did sort of wish that his food-critic talent could carry over into film-critique. Then he might have been able to use it tonight.

Still, this was fun, Yuuji reflected, him and Nagisa both chatting away as the sounds of DVD cases clacked through the air. It was fun, to be here just the two of them.

To have the whole house to themselves, nobody else around, even Karma up and gone, the space available to do with whatever they pleased, even turn the house into their own personal cinema if so desired. At first, it had felt almost a bit lonely—pockets of rooms standing empty at a time, a tiny shock of surprise when running into each other around the place. But by now, the two of them had already largely adjusted to its new shape.

"Alright, I think I've got one. What did you pick?"

"Uh, I'm still deciding…"

Yuuji glanced at the title clutched in Nagisa's hand. For one moment, a dash of amusement ran through him as he thought of how different this was from the other man's usual fare. Nagisa's favorite genre of movies was actually Action, Yuuji knew. Things like Sonic Ninja, and American superhero franchises…the cheesier and more mainstream the better. Such a mundane set of preferences that Yuuji never would have guessed it. It was fascinating, actually.

The man also had a penchant for awful Spy-film comedies, Yuuji recalled. Nagisa had told him that he found them therapeutic. _'It's nice to be able to watch somebody go through important missions while acting like a complete buffoon,'_ he had said, watching while a harried spy tripped over his own shoelaces right into a net of laser-sensors, _'and still manage to get away with it.'_

Yuuji inwardly shrugged. Ah, whatever. You could dabble in all the genres you liked, and also branch out to watch other things, but every once in a while it was just time for a good old horror movie marathon.

Especially with the way the two of them did it.

"Hey, we should try this one," Nagisa said, voice cheery. He dug through the movie pile and picked out a case, holding it out towards Yuuji. Yuuji took it and read over the back cover.

As the words passed before his mind, a cold chill sunk into the base of Yuuji's neck. "No way, man!" Yuuji protested. "That hits, like, every single one of my horror-movie phobias."

Nagisa sent an impish grin his way. "Exactly." Then he waved one hand dismissively. "Relax. We'll save it for last."

Yuuji jolted in place. For last? When the room was at its darkest and the mood had already been set two times over? "That's when everything's the scariest!"

Judging by the look on Nagisa's face, that had been precisely the young man's intention. The two of them squabbled back and forth for a bit, debating and jabbering about whether or not to include it. Yuuji put up a bit of a fight, but dimly, he could feel his resolve wobbling. On the inside, he realized that he would probably eventually give in.

And sure enough, within a few minutes, the DVD was being added to their 'to-watch' selection.

As Nagisa triumphantly added the case to their chosen pile, Yuuji's thoughts began to wander back to where they had been before. He suppressed an urge to shiver. Maybe they could use some of Nagisa's happy, mindless movies to relax after what they'd be seeing tonight.

Soon the two of them had settled down in front of the couch. The TV screen flickered before them, its width broad enough to make everything on the screen feel almost life-size. On it, the opening scene to one of the films played, showing a long, slow pan down a shadowy nighttime street.

The main living room was completely dark around them, the kitchen lurking as a hulking mass of silence over yonder. The lights were off. The couch existed as a firm wall to the back of them, good for leaning against. The two of them sat on the floor, surrounded by pillows and blankets, a makeshift nest that was both perfect for relaxing and perfect for fun. Nagisa started teasing Yuuji about what movies they had lined up for tonight, Yuuji snorting and digging into his manly pride, informing Nagisa that he wasn't scared, and that things would be different this time, you'll see.

Of course, no movie night would be complete without popcorn. Between the two of them tonight they had a giant bowl, along with two smaller bowls for personal servings, filled to the brim with popcorn that they had made themselves. And with Nagisa's cooking knowledge combined with Yuuji's access to high-tier goods, that made for some really damn good popcorn. Seriously, Yuuji reflected as he shoved another handful into his mouth, craving the next bite already before finishing the first, this stuff was basically gourmet.

Before he knew it, the two of them were engaged in a minor popcorn-battle, tossing pieces at each other in order to stave off boredom through the beginning movie scenes. They chucked kernels back and forth, salt sticking to their fingers and faces, getting pieces stuck in each other's hair and in the rug. Nagisa frowned for a moment after it became apparent that Yuuji had purposefully started to aim shots down the front of his shirt. He raised an eyebrow over at Yuuji. Yuuji took the hint and stopped, still laughing.

Later, he discovered that Nagisa had snuck half of the popcorn out from Yuuji's personal bowl and into Nagisa's own, with all the swiftness and secrecy of a ninja. Yuuji let it pass. He probably deserved that, to be honest.

The blood-curdling sounds of screams echoed from the television speakers as a tide of red splashed across the screen. A woman shrieked, then was eerily cut off as she suddenly found herself without her head. Yuuji watched all of this with wide eyes, trying to resist the tension he could feel seeping into his posture, attempting to switch his mind onto other thoughts in order to occupy it but finding rather quickly that he couldn't. He gulped, sweat building on the nape of his neck. Dammit, he knew that this stuff wasn't real. But the mood of it did get to him sometimes. Or not. It was an all-or-nothing thing with him, really.

By this point, he and Nagisa had used their movie nights to watch their way through most of the timeless classics along with some of the more well-known series. Nagisa had laughed for five minutes straight at how The Ring had practically made Yuuji go catatonic with fear afterwards. And currently, they found themselves on the sixth or so Saw movie. All of the important parts still managed to come across, even when translated from English.

While Yuuji descended further into the horror-movie experience, sinking back against the couch cushions and unconsciously gripping at the blanket beneath him, Nagisa tended to approach these movies with a kind of terrifying fascination. That often led to situations such as this:

Slowly, slowly, out of the corner of Yuuji's eye, with all the smoothness of a piston, Nagisa turned his head. "Y'know…" The man said, blue eyes staring at Yuuji out of the dark. "…I wonder how much force it really would take to rip someone's head off."

Yuuji shuddered. Even then, he couldn't drag his eyes away from the screen. "Don't say that, please!"

Nagisa would also _tsk_ sometimes, mumbling things like that's not how that works, people don't die from that, or they should be more worried about infection, or that's not how bones really sound when breaking.

As the man muttered from beside him, Yuuji shook out his shoulders in an effort to stay lose. All of a sudden, despite the situation, a light thought floated through his mind. Hey, if watching movies like these could help exorcise Nagisa's darker talents, that was fine. Better the man use this as something like therapy rather than indulge that side of him in real life.

And hey. Yuuji smiled softly. Wasn't that the point of these movies in the first place? To get in touch with the most terrifying parts of the human soul, to exercise one's anxieties and get them out? Maybe screaming at these movies could also help them to deal with their own dark feelings and traumas, help them learn what parts were worth being horrified at and which ones were worth saving.

Time passed, the minutes stretching on and on into hours, countless ghostly women rushing at the camera, endless people being murdered on-screen and then showing back up in the most gruesome ways, one DVD finishing and whirring to a stop before being replaced by another. Try as he might, soon Yuuji found that he could no longer hide his reactions, becoming so tense that he would jump at the slightest sound rumbling out of the speakers.

"Oh my god, Yuuji," Nagisa said from beside him, sounding equal parts amused and concerned. "Just calm down."

"But I don't know which person the Devil is possessing yet!"

After a few more seconds, Nagisa shook his head. "Yuuji," the man said, the serious tone in his voice breaking through all noise in the background. "Are you sure you're having fun? I mean, why even watch these movies if you don't like them?"

"I like them when it's with you," Yuuji said, the words dropping from his lips automatically.

A slight look of astonishment passed over Nagisa's face. The other man didn't seem to know how to handle it, switching his gaze back towards the TV and falling silent, an embarrassed blush glowing pale on his cheeks in the faded-out light.

Yuuji blinked as yet another poor soul lost their life up on the screen. Dimly, he supposed that he was acting somewhat different here than how he might have acted if he were watching alone. Now that he thought about it, Yuuji recognized that he was exaggerating his reactions, playing up on his own fear. Yuuji had never really been one to shriek like a wimp and hide behind others. But he seemed to be doing it around Nagisa. And after only a little bit of honest self-reflection, Yuuji had come up with an idea as to why.

It was a way of flirting. Or at least, a way of having fun with the other person. This situation—the scary movies, and the way that Nagisa could stand them better than Yuuji could—flipped the dynamics between them. On these nights, Yuuji, the one usually so headstrong, the one that most people would probably look at first and assume that he would take the lead in the relationship, would be cowering and covering his face, yelping and shrinking down behind the smaller man, leaving Nagisa to take the reigns and be in the more powerful position.

Yuuji almost wanted to groan when thinking about it. It was pathetic—the kind of thing that a lovestruck middleschooler might pull. But then again, Yuuji realized, he had always been somewhat of a fool for Nagisa. And actually, upon further review, Yuuji had decided that he didn't really mind. He knew that Nagisa could be kind of sensitive about how others perceived him—an understated, easily missed presence, an even when noticed, he would be occasionally mistaken for a girl. So if flipping the dynamics between them could make Nagisa feel more like a man on these nights, or feel as if he could "protect" Yuuji, then that was fine and dandy.

An unexpected tenderness bloomed within Yuuji's heart. Yuuji had never really thought that he would be the kind of guy willing to step aside and let another person take the spotlight. But he was getting rather used to this give-and-take.

Gradually, Yuuji found himself sliding down against the couch cushions. He cowered away from each event on-screen, his back eventually coming to touch against Nagisa's chest and upper arms. Nagisa laughed and pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Yuuji in a hug. Yuuji hunkered down even more, scooting back into Nagisa as he cringed back from the movie visuals. He was effectively resting in the man's lap now, head and torso squished up against Nagisa's chest with Yuuji's much longer body splayed out in front of them.

The feeling was warm, Yuuji discovered, and steady. Nagisa made for a reassuring bulwark behind him, the man's limbs wrapped around his chest in a way that was tight but not unpleasant. Nagisa let out a soft hum, moving to rest his chin on top of Yuuji's head. Only the material of Yuuji's hat separated them. The sensation made a certain heat rise to Yuuji's skin, his heart beating louder inside his ears for a moment, and no longer simply due to the effects of the movie. Snuggling up like this had changed their relative heights, Yuuji now receiving affection at a new angle than ever before, held secure in Nagisa's strong arms-

Yuuji snapped himself out of those thoughts, hoping that Nagisa wouldn't be able to see him blush. Damn, he used to think only girls said things like that. Well, whatever. Nagisa did have surprisingly strong arms, not so much bulky but toned, and they held more power than most people would ever have cared to guess.

Yuuji gave a mental shrug. It was fine, he settled upon. This felt too nice for him to want to stop, and anyway, super-muscly types weren't really his thing. He preferred people with a certain grace to them.

Yes, Yuuji decided a few moments later. In fact, this was just perfect.

The two of them stayed like that for a while, Nagisa draped around Yuuji, holding him close as Yuuji twitched while watching the movie, pretending to be scared until he was no longer pretending and then started to get scared for real again. Nagisa laughed every time Yuuji fell for a jumpscare, Yuuji being able to feel whenever Nagisa would react, the other man getting scared too in his own miniscule way. Every time the other man tensed, Yuuji would feel the press of Nagisa's arms move in around him. Despite himself, Yuuji couldn't help feeling a slight thrill at the sensation. Being like this was a surprisingly intimate experience.

Plus, he really was enjoying the new angle.

Soon, Nagisa began to fall into fright too, the cumulative effect of multiple movies and Yuuji's reactions taking their toll, a certain tremor of fear running constant through his limbs around Yuuji. Then they were both screaming together, holding onto each other like sailors to a life raft, Yuuji gripping a pillow in front of him with both hands as if to use it like a shield.

Afterwards (long, long afterwards, the images from the final movie still lingering on in Yuuji's head. It really did hit all of his most cliché fears, at it turned out.) they cleaned up, Yuuji managing to bring up his previous idea of having a spy-movie marathon sometime. He could tell by the interested flash in Nagisa's eyes that the other man agreed. Perhaps not tonight, since it was late, but another night. Definitely. For sure.

Nagisa smiled at him and winked. It's a date then, the man said.

A burst of affection spread through Yuuji's chest. Hey, he stole Yuuji's line. But that was fine, too.

Of course, the best part always came immediately after the movies were done.

Yuuji stood on legs that only shook a little and clung to Nagisa, his hand gripping the edge of the young man's sleeve, confessing in a timid-sounding voice that he was too scared now to traverse the dark living room alone, and no way in hell was he going down that long hallway, so would Nagisa please accompany him toward the bathroom? Nagisa rolled his eyes. But he agreed.

And as Yuuji watched the young man go on ahead, holding Yuuji's hand firmly in his, Yuuji had to hide another grin. He took in the straight line of Nagisa's back, his head held up and tall, the young man practically lifting at the shoulders with each purposeful stride. Yep. Nagisa, just like every other man in this world, definitely got a kick out of being able to "protect" his lover.

In return, Yuuji squeezed Nagisa's fingers, feeling the warmth of the man's hand covering his. _Hm,_ a sleepy thought came to Yuuji's mind. This wasn't so bad every once in a while. And oh man, these rooms really did feel so dark and creepy after having watched all of that stuff…

Yes, Yuuji thought as he followed along behind Nagisa, this was one tradition that he felt would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I think I finally managed to loosen up my prose style a little bit and get closer to the style that I used to write FYA. So if Yuuji's narration seems a bit more lighthearted and flow-y in this chapter, don't worry, he's not OOC, it's just me being a terrible writer and finding myself unable to express his thoughts in a consistent manner. :') A large part of these dorks has remained the same at heart, even after growing up.
> 
> Oh and hey, I don't mean to conform to gender roles or make anybody uncomfortable when Yuuji starts referring to things like, "as a man blahblah" or "he thought only girls did blank". Upon reviewing the chapters in which Yuuji appears, I came to realize that I missed out on that aspect of his character—he's not outright sexist, but it does seem like he's grown up with a certain sense of gender roles. So I thought I'd try to incorporate it just a little bit.


	12. Adult Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTICE: New chapter should be posted by the beginning of next week! Look forward to it. ;)

When the two of them were alone together, nothing else mattered.

It would start slowly, or sometimes a bit faster. Just the brush of a hand was enough, a single whispered word, a smile held out for slightly too long or an eyebrow raised up slightly too high. A warm pat on the shoulder with a touch that seemed to linger and refuse to leave. A sudden, suggestive comment, a knowing look in one's eyes that said 'ask me more later'. Nagisa's arms embracing Yuuji from behind, wrapping warm and steady around him and giving Yuuji the sense that it was probably time to put his work down. A brave tremble in Yuuji's stomach that drove him to approach the other man, accompanied by a sort of fascinated curiosity, a desire to just say one more thing, just grin in this one particular way and see what effect it would have. To see if results like the ones from before could be repeated. Sometimes, rarely, it would be a twinkle hidden in Nagisa's gaze, a suggestive swing of the hips as the young man walked by to get ready for bed. His grace would speak of all the years spent in his prior profession. His manner would scream of all the hints he did not say.

Yuuji couldn't remember how this arrangement began—well, he knew how their first time had started, yes. But he honestly couldn't tell if this was merely a consequence of living together, of having the young man be so accessible so often, or of having known the other person so deeply for so many years the way that they did, or of having the privilege of the other man crawling into his bed every night, the two of them curling up together and letting whatever happened after that happen.

Yuuji thought he might be able to recall one particular instance—an arm thrown over Nagisa during the depth of night, at a moment when time held no meaning and the world seemed filled with nothing but their presence. Yuuji moved the two of them closer together, the curve of their bodies fitting into a familiar shape, tilting his head to place a half-asleep kiss at the center of the man's forehead and then Nagisa reciprocating, all of a sudden the air around them taking on a different tone. Something a little more stirring. A little darker. A little deeper. A certain spark, a certain charge, seeming to hang in the air and resonate between their skin. Something perfect for hiding in, for doing all sorts of covert activities. And then suddenly they were no longer two people, but a single unit, moving as one, both of them compelled by the same sort of unspoken desire.

Yuuji knew one thing, now. Despite the wait, despite the years, he would have never, ever chosen anything different.

Because what they had now was too damn good.

The bed was the most frequent spot, being a soft, comfortable refuge, the both of them spending countless minutes there, Yuuji confirming for the first time that, as it turned out, the bedroom was not merely a place for sleeping. At first this took place mostly at night, when the day was done and hormones high, later the two of them gaining enough confidence to move into the daytime. Yuuji did enjoy being able to see Nagisa, after all. And he hoped that the man enjoyed seeing him.

(Although in the mystery of the dark, the feeling of Nagisa's hands running along him did carry its own unexpected thrill.)

Then there was the doorway, soon spreading to the couch, this chair, that chair, the hallway, on one memorable occasion Yuuji's desk, the kitchen counters, the bathroom, even the floor... Or maybe that would happen in the future, for now being just wishes in Yuuji's head, scattered and half-formed thoughts, not even close to reality yet.

It didn't matter. Whenever Nagisa was willing, that was time enough.

They would kiss. They would hug, an embrace that quickly turned into something deeper. Pulling tighter, turning into kneading and groping. Hands that kept drifting ever downward. A shiver. A whisper, a suggestion. The urge to grab at clothes and what was underneath, all thoughts either fading out or being filtered through something like a veil. Caught up in a sudden need that only grew, wanting not just to do something but to demonstrate to the other person the depths of what you felt for them. A brush of arms. Pressing up against each other. Soft noises falling from Nagisa's trembling lips. Teasing, pleasing, asking, and wanting. Yuuji kissing up Nagisa's neck, pausing at the collarbone just the way that the other liked, feeling the absolutely heavenly sensation of the man's nails digging into Yuuji's shoulders. Yuuji feeling overtaken by a now-familiar desire as he held Nagisa beneath him, long blue hair spread out and messing against the sheets, Nagisa looking up to smile at him with those soft, thin lips in a way that was almost feminine.

(But Yuuji had been with Nagisa for long enough now to know how much of a _man_ he really was.)

To the rhythm of the passage of time, the two of them slowly started to branch out a little, gradually discovering and becoming more and more comfortable with each other, Nagisa introducing Yuuji to many different and amazing things and Yuuji introducing him in turn.

(Condoms went below the bed. Right next to the lube. After doing some research, Yuuji had realized just how important it was to have both, and rarely did they go without.)

* * *

Sometimes, during a calmer moment, Yuuji wondered if this would ever get boring. He had heard of it—after a while, maybe months, perhaps years, when the reality of the situation was no longer novel and the sight of the person with their shirt off was no longer a cause for excitement alone, things could run the risk of become routine. Yes, it was incredible to do this with a person. Yes, it was remarkable that anyone would let you close enough to do it. But you could get used to it—take their compliance for granted, begin to feel like you knew all there was to know about their body, all the initial passion gone from a relationship. And after a while, far far off in future, a time or two did come for them where it all seemed to settle down into a rhythm, the original magic fading, limbs being in the end just limbs that flopped and sweated, a spark which had once seemed unquenchable petering out, getting dull.

But then it kicked back up again.

Yuuji couldn't really explain why. All Yuuji had to do was remember how lucky he was to be here, how amazing the other man was, and all the little aspects of the two of them that he loved when put together. You could always change up the rhythm. There was always something new you could try, some new thrill. And for Yuuji, just being able to hold Nagisa in his arms always felt like a treasure, the man's mere presence being the greatest gift of all. That was more than enough.

Things didn't have to be mind-blowing every time. But with Nagisa, it most often was.

* * *

It was impossible to know for sure, since Yuuji couldn't be inside of the young man's head, but he felt that he had some idea of what Nagisa thought about all this.

Nagisa was quiet, but that did not necessarily mean lacking in passion. He had told Yuuji that sex wasn't something innately appealing for him, but he did seem to enjoy the feeling while in the moment. In fact, Nagisa was actually the one who ended up initiating things the most, which was a pleasant surprise, Yuuji being all too happy to follow along and get swept away whenever asked.

Because when Nagisa was with Yuuji, he didn't need to pretend. He didn't even need to rely upon his seduction techniques. He didn't have to be anything that others asked for, didn't need to fit into people's expectations, the entire world zeroing in on only the two of them and the heat and the rush of the moment right here and now. He didn't have to be what anybody else wanted when all of a sudden Yuuji was the only person wanting him so badly. He could be as close to normal—a phrase that Yuuji had heard Nagisa speak of before with envy—as the man could possible get, caught up in pure instinct and losing himself in an activity that most people thought of at some point in their lives. He could just be himself, and it would be enough for Yuuji. Stripped bare. Literally.

Plus, Yuuji thought with a tremble as he felt the other man's fingertips stroke at the sensitive spot behind his ears, it was fun. It was fun for the man to play, to see which skills had what effect and experiment with how easy it was to undo another person. Especially, perhaps, a person like Yuuji, who fell apart so easily beneath his touch to begin with.

Nagisa didn't need to act in order to please Yuuji as a partner. He didn't need to manipulate, or do anything extra special, the both of them satisfied by just themselves alone. And he didn't need to use his assassin training to make their kisses feel electric.

(But sometimes, he would add a little bit of a twist, just as a reward.)

Meanwhile, Yuuji thought, and felt.

He was nothing special. Yuuji knew this, not like a sinking stone pulling at his gut but like a dead weight carried around in the back of his mind. He had nothing to offer, aside from his wealth. And even though that might have been enough for most people, Yuuji wanted to be loved for more than that alone. But he knew he wasn't very pretty. He wasn't handsome at all, or charming. His speech flopped. His flirtations came off as more perverted than anything else.

Yet even so, Nagisa said that he loved him.

He should have been just an afterthought, Yuuji had realized once—a stupid party–boy in a nightclub, all swagger and teenage bravado. A distraction. An annoyance, a roadblock in the middle of a real assassination mission. Someone you talked to twice, gave a pep-talk, and then dumped. He shouldn't even be here. He should never have gotten this far.

Still, when Nagisa would moan for him, spread for him, shoot heavy, hinting gazes his way, Yuuji would gladly respond, feeling so, so high and yet oh-so-aware all at once. He was almost nothing, compared to Nagisa. He was a fool, a dork, an idiot. An absolute idiot.

But still.

In the end, it was _his_ name that Nagisa cried aloud at night. It was _his_ ears that heard all sorts of delicious sounds. All of the politicians, the mobsters, the druglords that Yuuji knew Nagisa had probably charmed into the bedroom—none of them had ever gotten this far.

Instead, it was _his_ hands that got to touch this soft skin, _his_ fingers that raked down supple thighs, eliciting moans from the other and leaving lines almost in the shape of the characters for Yuuji's name. Only _he_ knew certain things about Nagisa, even the other man not having known where he was sensitive, where he liked to be touched, just how far he could both push and be pushed, until Yuuji had joined in and showed him. It was _his_ kisses that Nagisa accepted. And when Nagisa would stir in the middle of the night, sending out his arms in search of companionship, it was _his_ chest to where Nagisa would reach.

It was _him_ who Nagisa chose. Of anyone else in the world. It was _him_.

(And Yuuji would never forget that.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ackkk, okay so this was not the chapter that I meant to leave you guys hanging on (I actually intended to leave on a much fluffier chapter instead;; ). Disclaimer, since I feel like I'm forcing you guys to stew in this chp for a while: the physical aspect of Yuuji and Nagisa's relationship is actually much less central to them than the fluffier, more mundane aspects of it. There will be moments showcasing that later.
> 
> However, I do like to think of the two of them as being quite "active"—I can imagine Yuuji as having a high sex drive, and Nagisa can sometimes turn into quite the little ball of stress that needs relieving (not that he would do this just for that—he would be more than happy to feel pleasure and enjoy making his partner feel good in return). Also, I can confirm: Yuuji would bottom occasionally, after Nagisa introduces him to it through very cheeky "what, you don't wanna see what I go through?" means. In my mind, Yuuji's first instinct is to top, but after a long while, I can see them both switching to such an extent that it basically evens out (or at least goes 60-40). I can also see the switch-off happening in spurts, like Yuuji bottoming for one session and liking it, then continuing to bottom for the rest of that week until his pride kicks in and he attempts to go back to topping. Besides, even when "bottoming", a person like Nagisa can still easily remain in control of events. So if you prefer bottom!Yuuji, that's totally fine! Imagine your heart out. It's all fan-canon.
> 
> I'm not sure if, in the future, I'll do more explicit chapters, or just keep things in this style of description. Depends on what people want, I suppose.
> 
> I have way more imagined scenarios in this vein than would ever be possible to write, though. :^)


	13. Fight Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnnnd we're back! Thank you all so very, very much for your patience. I've been itching to get back to this project for weeks, and I'm so excited to continue the story!
> 
> A reminder-
> 
> \--I made a Yuujigisa playlist! You can listen to it HERE: http://8tracks.com/blackritual/yuujixnagisa. We are now a legit ship, with a soundtrack and everything! In addition, I went back and added a few songs to the "playlists" at the end of FYA, TBL, and in the middle of FMA. I have even more songs in mind which specifically apply to this fanfic series, but I think I'll dole those out over the course of the story, hmm? ;) Or maybe release another playlist-of-sorts at the end, as an extra bonus FYA-series-specific version.
> 
> \--Made a bunch of Yuujigisa headcanon posts (as well as just Yuuji-centric headcanons). They are viewable on my tumblr here ( http://purple-petrichor.tumblr.com/tagged/yuujigisa/ ) and here ( http://purple-petrichor.tumblr.com/tagged/yuuji%20norita ). Some I’ve already tried to work into this fic, others I have not! Either way, enjoy the new content. ;)
> 
> \--Participated in the Assassination Classroom Rarepair Week event on Tumblr, and even drew my own Yuujigisa fanart for the first time! Viewable on my tumblr under the tag "akrpweek".
> 
> \--Wrote two other oneshot fanfics, both centered around Yuuji (one of them Yuujigisa); viewable here: https://purple-petrichor.tumblr.com/tagged/akrpweek
> 
> You can always feel free to check out my tumblr tag for "yuujigisa" while waiting for the next update!
> 
>  
> 
> IMPORTANT CHAPTER NOTE: ¥10,000 is around $100 at the time of this chapter's posting

Yuuji yawned, large and loud, tipping his head back with the motion. _Huh? What?_

He blinked, bringing one hand up for a moment to wipe his eyes. Oh wow, it felt almost as if months had passed in the span of a blink.

Brought so abruptly back from spacing out, it took Yuuji a moment to remember where he was. Right. He was sitting at the dining table, Nagisa not too far away, standing by the kitchen counter as he started on the dishes, organizing them first by the sink.

"I'm just saying, it's not that simple," said Nagisa, the sound of his voice a bit muffled since he wasn't facing Yuuji at the moment. "You can't expect everyone to just feel the same way, Yuuji."

A frown came to Yuuji's face. He couldn't believe Nagisa was still on about this. They had been talking about the same topic since midway through dinner. Some sort of news item had set it off—not anything from Yuuji's workplace, but something else overheard from the living room TV. It began as just one politician's flippant remark, but had snowballed and was now being treated as the news station's chosen controversial topic of the day. The question: Was ¥10,000 a lot of money?

Yuuji had said something that he thought made perfect sense, and then…

"—way out of line, and felt frankly irresponsible," came Nagisa's voice.

"I don't mean to be rude, but his remark was terribly mistaken," Nagisa continued, referring to the politician who had spoken. "Showed a concerning distance from his voter base, too."

"Well, yeah, I guess I'd agree with that," replied Yuuji. Honestly, although he tried to hide it, Yuuji could feel himself getting kind of tired of all this talk. Couldn't they just move on? It was a rare case when Nagisa wasn't willing to let something go. Welp, might as well say something in the meantime...

"But still, Nagisa…" The frown pulled a millimeter deeper into Yuuji's face. "I mean, it's all relative, right?"

"Relative?"

"Yeah, like, I've heard that 10,000 yen in a neighborhood like this buys a lot less than in a neighborhood, say, out in the boonies. So the idea of what money's worth can change."

Yuuji shrugged. "So, although Mr. Whatever was being stupid, he also wasn't that far off."

Nagisa was a bit quieter when setting down the next plates. "So then, do you mean that neighborhoods like ours wouldn't be considered 'worth much' by most people?"

"Yes," Yuuji said, before immediately getting the feeling that he had walked right into a trap. "I mean, no. I mean…"

He scratched his head, feeling a few more black strands of hair slip out from beneath his baseball cap. "I just mean that it's a more flexible concept, y'know? Surely you have to see that, at least?"

Nagisa shrugged. "I dunno," he said, an uncharacteristic edge lurking beneath his voice. "Maybe I don't 'have' to see anything."

"Woah, Nagisa." Yuuji lifted one hand away from the table in a placating motion. "Easy. Why are you so upset? I mean, it's not like it's a big deal."

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, as he caught sight of Nagisa flashing him a pointed look before the other man broke eye contact again. Nagisa muttered to himself over the counter, Yuuji catching wind of things that sounded like "10,000 yen…" and "No big deal…"

Yuuji stared over at him, at a loss. "Hey, Nagisa…"

"I'm only saying, life doesn't work the same way for everyone," Nagisa stated.

"I know that. I never said it did!" Yuuji's heart beat a bit faster, as if preparing for an oncoming tidal wave. Dimly, something began to feel off. A cold chill seemed to settle into the room, the hair raising on the surface of his arms, Yuuji suddenly picking up on every bit of movement within the space. And it scared him.

Nagisa turned to face the dining room table, leaning back against the counter with a dishtowel gripped between his hands. Given how well Yuuji knew him, it was obvious that Nagisa wanted to speak delicately here, but judging by the set in his shoulders, this was an issue that he really didn't want to back down on. "Well, when there's such a gap…between the lives of the rich and the lives of the poor, it's," Nagisa spoke haltingly. "…hard to not get angry at things like this."

Yuuji shrugged. He had heard about that stuff. What was it called, income inequality? Apparently it was a problem, though not as bad in Japan as other places, and if it was, Yuuji hadn't noticed. "Yeah, but still. It was just a stupid politician's slip of the tongue," he answered. "No matter what sum of money, it's not like it's the end of the world or anything."

One of the napkins still on the table caught Yuuji's eyes, and he played with it. "I mean, if you don't have 10,000 yen, then just go out and earn it."

To his left, Nagisa set down the pair of chopsticks he had picked up from the counter. "What."

"Like, just earn it."

"And how are people supposed to do that?"

Yuuji gave Nagisa a quizzical look. What an absurd question. "Work."

"Doing what?"

Yuuji shrugged. "A job? Just go out and get one."

"In this economy?"

Despite himself, Yuuji had to hold back a laugh. "Uh…yeah," he said. "The worst of the crisis is over now. I'm sure there are plenty of spaces open somewhere."

Nagisa still looked doubtful. "What if the person already has a job?"

Yuuji stared, the question landing in his mind like a tennis ball against desert sand. It stuck, but felt completely out of place. "Then…get another one?"

"What if they can't handle the hours? Like if they're already working enough."

The persistent badgering was started to get a little annoying. But in order to humor him, Yuuji ran the math real quick, sketching a few sums out on the table. He chuckled once victory was assured. "I'm pretty sure the average person can earn 10,000 yen in a week with just one job, even on minimum wage."

"What if they needed the money fast? For an operation or something?"

Yuuji frowned again. Damn, so dramatic. "That's why you save things away," he answered.

Nagisa took the first plate off the stack and began to wash it. "What if they don't have anything saved away?"

"Geez," Yuuji grumbled. "Why would you ever get yourself into that situation?"

"Bad things happen to good people."

"Well…" Yuuji stretched his arms over his head. "I dunno. Whatever the problem is, I'm sure it can be solved. Wonders start to happen once people really put their minds to something and decide to work hard."

"Decide to work hard…" Nagisa mumbled, repeating after him. "As if they weren't already?"

Yuuji raised an eyebrow, taken aback. "Well, you can never tell," he said in protest, Nagisa's words landing in his heart almost like a barb. "Sometimes people just aren't…applying themselves. Work smarter, not just harder, right? That's how to earn the kinda cash people want," Yuuji said. The words came to him easily, flowing out of half-remembered conversations between his father and other media figures. This was all stuff he had been hearing since he was a child—it was simple enough to repeat, and seemed as obvious as the sun in the sky.

"Are you telling me that plain hard work would solve peoples' problems?"

"It sure would go a long way," Yuuji replied.

He spoke again before Nagisa could respond, cutting the other man off. A heavy, warm feeling of righteousness coursed beneath in his skin, making Yuuji certain in his words and brisk in his speech. All he needed to do was make one last point, yes, one last point, then surely Nagisa would come around-

"You can't deny that learning the value of industry would do a lot to improve peoples' lives. I mean, I know that some people _do_ do their part," Yuuji said, backtracking for a moment. "But there are also plenty of horror stories of people who don't."

Nagisa started to move through the plates at a faster pace. "I cannot believe you're saying these things right now."

Yuuji's glance over at Nagisa was now a full-on stare. Hey, what was the big deal? He had only said stuff that was true, and even humored all of Nagisa's questions. What was-

A chill punched through Yuuji's stomach. For one moment, he looked closer at the man standing across from him—the tension rife beneath his face, elbows pointed, hands curled, posture braced. It was the first time he had ever seen Nagisa like this. Come to think of it, it was the first time Yuuji had ever seen the two of _them_ like this. Stuttering, clashing, reaching out to each other but failing, words harming and then never going back to heal, steadily losing ground.

A dull fear rushed through Yuuji. No. This wasn't happening, things like this didn't happen, not to them…

"Hey," Yuuji called out, trying to catch Nagisa's eye.

But the other man kept his back turned. He wouldn't look at Yuuji.

Numb disbelief trickled through Yuuji's veins. Were they arguing? They were arguing. Yuuji laughed, a sound of dismay, but Nagisa seemed to take it as scorn.

He shot another semi-glare Yuuji's way, and Yuuji bristled **.** Despite the sinking feeling in his gut, Yuuji could feel himself being pulled in, and couldn't make himself stop. He could fix this, honestly he could, all Nagisa needed to do was actually _listen_ to what he trying to explain…

"All I'm saying is that if a person needs 10,000 yen, there are ways to get it. Nothing is impossible."

"That's not how it works."

"How do you know that's not how it works? Nagisa, this is-"

"Look," Nagisa spoke. He pressed one hand against the kitchen counter as he half-turned. The tone in his voice was enough to stop Yuuji's words cold. "It's not as simple as that. I can understand where you're coming from, Yuuji—the two of us have very different backgrounds, and truly, I do understand. But there's so much more to it."

"What if someone was poor?" Nagisa launched into another hypothetical. "I'm talking way below poverty line. Their family has little money, so they don't end up getting as much food or support in life as others. And their parents can't afford the best schools, so the person doesn't get a good education. Without a good education, they can't get a good job, and without a good job, they would end up earning very little. Thus, they stay trapped."

Nagisa shook his head. "It's a vicious cycle. You can't just get out of it that easily."

"And that's not even factoring in things like discrimination," Nagisa added. "Studies have shown that biases affect people even when they don't think it could ever be in their heads, even in job interviews. Can you imagine how hard that must be to deal with?"

Yuuji opened his mouth. Closed it again. Irritation still prickled across his skin, but for the briefest of seconds Yuuji thought he felt something slip through. Maybe Nagisa had a point…

Nagisa turned back to the dishes and picked up the next plate. "Meanwhile, those who already 'have' get to kick back and not work for their success."

A hot flash of anger erupted through Yuuji.

"We do work! We work super hard!" he exclaimed. "God, at least give us some credit."

"People who own companies, and other people who crawled their way to the top," Yuuji listed. "They have tons of things to think about, tons of people to manage, every single day. None of that really runs on automatic, you know? You gotta keep an eye on it, gotta stay involved, else you run the risk of it all coming down."

"Being in charge of managing a huge company is not the same as working multiple minimum-wage jobs," retorted Nagisa.

"'the hell? Of course it is!" Yuuji snapped. "There's tons of nitty-gritty, mountains of paperwork. People at that kinda level? They never get a break. They always have to be 'on-call', answering phones, attending meetings. Their hours are insane—it basically becomes your life. You think working at the ground level is tough, try being responsible for making sure those ground-level jobs exist! Even at my old school, the kids I used to know were often pulling double-duty, being introduced to running their parents' businesses on top of schoolwork."

"My parents, my friends," Yuuji stated, letting a sympathetic note come into his voice. "Everyone I know is struggling."

"What a coincidence," Nagisa replied, tone wry. "Same here."

Yuuji decided to ignore the remark, and how it cut through him.

"Yuuji, please…" said Nagisa, holding firm. "I don't mean to make you angry. But I just don't think it's right to decide that some people out there—who, for whatever reason, didn't have as much to start their lives with—aren't working hard enough. They may be working plenty hard already."

Yuuji scoffed. Somehow, he got the sense that this was a battle he could not win, and deep in the back of his mind, decided to launch a different attack.

"Still though, it's not like rich people can be faulted for what they 'have', or 'started their lives with'," Yuuji retorted, quoting Nagisa. "Most all of that stuff was earned, in some way. At least give us what we deserve."

"Don't punish success," Yuuji said with a sneer, swaggering a bit with the remark just like how he had seen other men say it before. "Managing companies and being famous means that a person has to carry a lot more responsibility. Proportional work equals proportional reward."

Nagisa went quiet. "Then why are their rewards worth more than my entire family's yearly earnings?"

The jab landed, but Yuuji refused to succumb to it. "Like I said, that's just how it goes," he maintained. "I know it looks unfair, but really, it's all an illusion. It's ridiculous that anyone would-"

"But those are luxuries, you don't need them!" burst out Nagisa again. "Water, food, housing…people _need_ those to live. Expensive parties, designer bags, second or even third houses around the world…those things people can do without."

Yuuji scoffed. "Are you saying that families like mine should just drop everything and donate all our cash to make sure that every family in Japan is healthy, and only then do we get to be happy?"

Nagisa's posture was as rigid as a board. He shook out his dishtowel in a violent motion. "No," he said.

Yuuji's eyes narrowed. Under the scarlet haze of anger, Yuuji felt suddenly certain that Nagisa had wanted to say yes.

"Yuuji."

Nagisa cut him off once Yuuji opened up his mouth to speak.

A moment of quiet gathered around Nagisa as he rinsed and dried off the surface a bowl. "When I was younger, I would sometimes avoid going to the doctor's so I wouldn't cost us money."

He glanced over Yuuji's way. "Money was not a life-threatening issue for my family, but we were still living paycheck to paycheck some of the time. We were always looking for ways to save. And after the divorce, I figured it was tougher on my parents than ever. They never told me about the bills—they did everything they could to not let me feel like we were struggling."

"But I was smart. Everything cost money, and I knew that," Nagisa continued. "And one day I noticed my mother wincing as she opened up the envelope for the doctor's bill. She would never let me see the receipt. So, eventually I stopped asking to go unless I was absolutely sure that I needed to."

"Do you know how that feels? To have to sacrifice one's health because of fears about money?" Nagisa paused for emphasis. "Can you even imagine?"

Yuuji fell silent. For a few moments, he tried. He held the idea in his mind, trying to picture himself walking up to the counter, having debated at home (not a mansion, no, not a mansion, some sort of apartment instead) about whether or not it was truly necessary, but _everything_ was necessary when it came to this kind of stuff, a leaping heart in his throat instead of indifference when his mother reached for the bill, a foreign worry weighing down on him that he couldn't shake-

The image fizzled and faded. No. He couldn't.

Yuuji grumbled to himself, folding his arms across his chest in defiance. Not much he could say to that…

"Well," Yuuji blustered, the anger pushing him to fire back, "just because people are rich, doesn't mean that our lives are perfect, y'know!"

His chest ached with hurt as he said the words. How could Nagisa deny his pain when it encompassed all that Yuuji had ever known? And yet, somewhere deep down, Yuuji faintly understood the fact that his problems were nothing in comparison to those of real people. And he hated himself for every bit of it.

"It's a psychological thing," he blathered on. "More wealth doesn't bring people more happiness. So why would you ever want that? Having peace and a family life are much better things."

"Oh yeah?" Nagisa muttered. "Well then why don't you live on low-wage for a month and tell me how it feels? If living simply is so good, then why don't the millionaires do it?"

"Some do!" Yuuji shot back. "Anyway, what with being responsible for so much, and everyone always asking you to give more and more…no one can ever understand our struggles."

He held up a finger. "I knew one man, the founder of Tsukuyomi Pharmacy—you've heard of that, right?—who used to live, like, the loneliest life imaginable. All of his time was spent zipping around to various facilities, and making deals. That might sound kinda nice, but the thing is, that was _all_ he did. Whenever he'd break a new million, charities would start clamoring for half that amount. He had no friends, only business representatives that he talked to. He had, like, a wife and three kids and never even saw them. They were just never in the same place at the same time. "

Nagisa snorted. He actually snorted in distaste. "Yeah, and he got to go home to his mansion and fall asleep on a big fluffy bed every night."

"Exactly!" Yuuji said, pointing. "The point is, he still felt exhaustion, no matter how nice his surroundings were."

Nagisa, still turned away, muttered, "I'd rather feel exhausted due to _that_ , than in a cubicle, though."

Yuuji began to realize that he was hunkered down in his chair a little bit, curling inward as if nursing a newly-discovered wound. Yuuji tried to hide it, but he felt deeply hurt. He couldn't help but wonder—when Nagisa was talking about all this stuff, all of these rich jerks that he didn't like, was he also talking about Yuuji and his family?

"Hey now," Yuuji said, trying and failing to erase the pain from his voice. "It's not all bad! Like, not everybody in the upper class is irresponsible about their money. I mean, take my family for one! We're not like those windbags, we're good people!"

"Good," Nagisa quipped. "Then you don't have to worry."

Yuuji scowled. "But you're still treating us like we're the bad guys!"

The pressure within the room escalated, the two of them trading words back and forth, one thing leading to another.

"Where do you think most jobs and funding come from? Because from what I know-"

"If not for the average worker, though, none of that would exist, would it? So why-"

"Plenty of rich families pay their dues and live by the law, how dare you assume that-"

"How dare I? That's not what I've-"

"But that's just not true," Yuuji snapped at last, the words coming at machine-gun pace now. "And when it comes to class warfare-"

"Oh, god," for the first time ever in Yuuji's memory, he heard Nagisa's voice steeped in disgust, "don't even start on that."

"I'm serious, according to…uh…the stats from…" Yuuji racked his brain to remember. Sources. Sources. C'mon, he was a newscaster, he had plenty of proof of things! "…Mainichi Times, unfairly burdening the rich has the effect of depressing the economy. It's a proven fact!"

Nagisa's arms crossed over his chest. "Well, you must have heard some information that I haven't, because I've been told much different. The opposite, in fact!"

"From whom?"

"Sunrise Report. As well as my entire high school economics class."

"Well that's-" Yuuji shut his mouth. They both paused, held as if frozen, staring at each other. Two believable sources. Both with opposite information.

The awkwardness grew for a moment as dim thoughts drifted through Yuuji's head. _The Filter Bubble,_ he realized. _A phenomenon that occurs when people select or are presented with nothing but the same kind of opinion on an issue, creating an echo-chamber effect. Often used by Internet search results. You end up only seeing information that supports your own views, and thus it seems as if everyone else is agreeing with you, and anyone who doesn't is simply mistaken…_

He couldn't say that either of them was right or wrong. They had just grown up being fed entirely different ideas.

"Let's just get back to the main topic," Yuuji muttered, shaking his head. How had all of this started, again? Something about 10,000 yen.

"Look." Yuuji took a deep breath. "The kind of life that I know…it's not actually easy."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm serious!" Yuuji protested. "Like-" Yuuji struggled. How could he make clear to Nagisa something which he saw as so obvious?

At long last, he let out a hefty sigh. "For one, you're always defined by your parents. If you didn't come from money, then this doesn't really apply, but if you're second-gen and later, like me, the people are just god-awful."

"Y'know what I always hated as a kid?" Yuuji sneered. "Going to parties. I know, I know," he said, noticing the glint of jealousy in Nagisa's eye, "it seems like something that everyone should love—getting to attend fancy shindigs, with name-brand clothes, and bumping shoulders with beautiful people—but the reality of it is really damn unpleasant."

"I used to get dragged along to a ton of 'em, okay?" Yuuji said, spreading out his hands to frame the image in the air. "Standing there barely taller than the houseplants, in a suit and tie so new they rubbed my skin red, my hair parted in a fashion I didn't like. And I'd stand there. For hours. Surrounded by adults who talked about nothing but boring topics and wishing to god there was someone my age around for me to play with. I would introduce myself, and nobody cared until they knew that I was my father's son."

" _Hi, I'm Yuuji_ ," Yuuji imitated, using a mockingly high voice. Then he let his expression fall flat and his voice even out. _"Oh."_

 _"'This is Kenichirou's son,'_ my handler would say. ' _Ohh, Kenichirou's kid!_ '" Yuuji continued, mimicking a breathy rush of surprise.

" _Hi. I'm_ Yuuji _,_ " he repeated, with all the emphasis that his younger self had used. " _Nice to meet you, Yuuji. Um, say, is your father anywhere around?"_

Yuuji grumbled. "Eventually it got so bad that I just started pointing anyone who approached me over to my dad. Because I knew that they didn't want to see me. It was always him."

Yuuji sent a piercing look over at Nagisa. "You know what we rich kids are? Decoration. Proof that our parents were successful enough to reproduce. If you're lucky, you're the continuation of the line, a guarantee that their business will be handed down to somebody. Insurance." It would have been impossible for Yuuji to speak that line with any more bitterness. "Otherwise you're just kept around, shoved here and there and dragged to parties where the adults can coo over you for all of five seconds and then dismiss you along with the other kids. You're only there to make your parents look good. A trophy."

"Then there's inheritance," Yuuji shrugged, suddenly feeling like he wanted to move on. "Deep down, you know you didn't exactly earn that cash, but you at least try to make the most of it and work to use it well, despite people always claiming that you don't deserve it. Like-" Yuuji resisted the urge to glare, softening his gaze instead, "…kind of like what I'm hearing right now."

He held up a finger to stall off protest. "One more thing. The pressure. I know you said that you'd rather deal with it, but…" Yuuji sighed. "Trust me. You don't," he said, pouring as much honesty as he possibly could into his voice.

"It kills you. You gotta go to the top school, you gotta end up exactly like your parents or different from them entirely, you gotta continue on the family's wealth and don't you dare mess it up because it'll all be on your shoulders someday kid. I would see classmates having breakdowns because they were worried they wouldn't get into the same elite college that their parents did. People would overdo it at cruise parties because that was the only time they ever felt free. I would catch kids' eyes at business meetings and see that we were both the same sort of terrified whenever people would start telling us what great things they expected from us in the future. I know that having a fortune is great, but the pressure it brings is nutty."

After a few more moments of drifting, Yuuji shook himself. Woah. Almost got lost in the memories there.

"I couldn't control the circumstances of my birth, same as anyone," Yuuji declared. "Does that make me a bad person?"

It took a minute for Nagisa to respond.

Then he sighed, as long and low as Yuuji had earlier, and slowly made his way over to the table.

"Okay, you have a point there," Nagisa acknowledged. He pulled out a chair and took a seat. "Some of those things I hadn't thought of. But I still hold firm on this."

He looked across the table, blue eyes moderately more clear. "You still got opportunities that I didn't. Because of wealth, doors were open to you that were not open to most people."

The bitterness still lingered acrid on Yuuji's tongue, and it spurred him to mutter: "Like you're one to talk, you went to a top-tier private school too..."

Nagisa held him in a stare, a quiet fire behind his gaze. "Yes, I did," Nagisa admitted. "I got luckier than many people out there. And it took everything that my parents had in their pockets."

Picturing it made Yuuji shift uncomfortably in his seat.

"I _know_ that I got more opportunities," Yuuji spoke after a pause. "But that's not my fault, is it?"

"No," came Nagisa's even, measured response. "But you still have a greater capacity to do something about it."

Yuuji fell quiet. A dark torrent of emotions and thoughts whirled inside of him, buffeting through his body, filling up his lungs, and shrouding his mind. Then, a tiny response crept out of his mouth: "I'm trying."

Nagisa fell even more quiet. He wiped off the edge of a cup. "I know."

A moment passed.

Then Nagisa looked up. "Yuuji, do you hate your father?"

"Huh?"

"I was just thinking, and this conversation reminded me…" Nagisa trailed off, the dishcloth held wrung between his hands. "You never talk much about him, and always seem kind of resentful when you do. Is that…true?"

Yuuji was silent. He let half a minute slip by before speaking. "I don't."

Nagisa looked surprised at his answer.

"I…" Yuuji hesitated, not knowing how to say this without bringing up their 'conversation' from earlier. "I know that I…had a spoiled childhood, okay? I realized that from an early age."

"My parents, well…they were kinda new to money. I mean, my dad actually didn't come from anything," Yuuji explained. "My mother was the daughter of a pretty well-off family, but my dad…he was the first person in his family to ever make it big. So they wanted to pass it down to me, and give me the best life possible."

A wince twisted Yuuji's face. "But it poisoned me."

"Raised in comfort, given nothing but the best, coddled and protected while knowing nothing about the rest of the world…anyone would kill for that kind of life, but when you grow up in it, you never really see it, to be honest," Yuuji admitted. "I was pretty blind to many things when young. And I'm still learning how to break out of it."

A sudden idea occurred to him.

"Here. Lemme show you something…" Yuuji dug around in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He fiddled on the screen until a search result was brought up, then held it up so Nagisa could see.

Nagisa squinted at the screen. "That's…the guy from 'Suzuki electronics'? Oh wait, no. It says it's his son."

"Yeah. See? First line in his biography: 'the eldest son of Jirou Suzuki'." Yuuji scowled. "Look at those stats. The man's 39. He's older than me! It says that he's married and has five kids of his own."

He looked over at Nagisa, eyes blazing. "And he's still referred to as a 'child of such-and-such'." That's how people see you when you're a celebrity's child." Yuuji snorted. "It's _infantilizing_. No one cares who you are, only who you are in relation to your parent."

He put away the cellphone in silence. Nagisa did not say anything.

"Look, I don't hate my dad," Yuuji confessed after a moment of staring at the ground. "I just…don't wanna fall into the age-old pit-traps, y'know? So that people won't hate me."

He glanced up. "I already know people tend to do that enough."

A twinge jabbing through his heart made Yuuji glance away again. His fingers trembled against each other where they lay hidden behind the tablecloth. Dammit, why was he feeling this way again? He hated it. It was the very same feeling that had caused Yuuji to wander over to drugs, to make his hands close around a box full of illegal thrills, to stumble and seek out beers and loose company, desperate to get out of his mind for at least a little bit of time. He remembered thinking that mastering such things would make him cool, could give him something more of an identity. And everyone else talked about drugs a lot in clubs, so hey, why not? Maybe if he did, he could finally start some better conversations, start connecting with people on a different level for once-

 _No._ Yuuji shut down those thoughts emphatically. Those days were long behind him. But damn it if he sometimes didn't still feel their allure.

Yuuji grimaced. "So there," he said. Maybe that would help explain to Nagisa why Yuuji held these views, at least. Even though Yuuji didn't really understand it himself.

"That's part of why I got this journalism job," Yuuji added, the words escaping so quickly that it surprised even himself. "I thought it might be a good career for me, a way to make a future. It's similar enough to my father, but different."

He shrugged. "My old man himself said that he doesn't care, just seems kinda happy that I'm at least doing something in front of a camera. Meanwhile my mother's glad that she has something impressive to tell people when they ask about her son, rather than having to say that he lazes around the house mooching off of them all day."

Despite the harshness of his words, a light smile soon played on Yuuji's face. "It's nice, actually. To feel like I'm doing something. Something with a little more weight, and significance." Embarrassment lifted one hand to scratch at the back of his head. "I mean, it's not like I'm solving any crimes myself, but at the very least I'm alerting people about them. You have to know there's a problem before you can even begin to solve it, after all."

Nagisa didn't say a word. But when he smiled and gave a small nod, Yuuji felt like he had been understood.

After another moment, Nagisa broke the silence with a sigh. "I see. Well, it's good to know that about your father. I gotta admit, I always wondered…"

Yuuji nodded in reply.

The two of them sat quiet for a minute, the remnants from the argument slowly seeping slowly out of them. One could only be angry for so long.

"Yuuji…" said Nagisa. The tension in his shoulders had finally relaxed. "I'm sorry. I wasn't quite being fair to you back there."

Yuuji shook his head. "Nah, you're good," he found himself saying, before even having to consider. "And, I mean, likewise. There were some things you said that I…hadn't really thought of either."

He summoned a small smile. "I shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss you."

A semi-awkward silence began to grow in the space between them. "Uh, and I'm sorry too, I guess?" Yuuji said, tugging self-consciously on his cap. "For saying that stuff about the 10,000 yen."

Nagisa looked confused for a moment. "Oh." For the first time in so many minutes, Yuuji heard a small laugh escape from his lips. "I had almost forgotten."

Nagisa hesitated. He looked down at the dishcloth, slowly running it through his fingers, while he bit his lip. Judging by the hint of determination hidden in his face, Yuuji sensed that he was hoping to make one more point.

"Just so you know," Nagisa said, standing up and walking away to replace the drinking glass by the sink, "10,000 yen would have been enough to get my family groceries for a week."

He looked over at Yuuji, as if wanting to make that clear. "Groceries. For a family of three. For a week. So if you have a month, that's 40,000 yen, one month plus one week would be 50,000…" He turned back towards the kitchen counter. "That's not nothing."

Yuuji mirrored his pause. "Gotcha." For a second Yuuji focused, trying to parse it out, imagining that he had 10,000 yen set aside every week for necessities, and that money could never be spent, could never be negotiated, might sometimes have to be taken out of other funding categories. He tried to shrink himself and a lifestyle down to such miniscule proportions. To make it work on such a smaller scale… Just like before, he couldn't really do it. Yuuji thought he might be able to entertain a bit of the anxiety, but the sheer reality of the situation kept slipping from his mind.

By the counter, Nagisa paused. "Although, I guess it could be nothing in certain circumstances," he relented.

Yuuji laughed. "Something like that," he said. "Well, maybe let me take care of stuff at that end."

In the wake of their debate, the tiniest spark of an idea surfaced from Yuuji's brain. Before he could talk himself out of it, he called out to Nagisa again.

"Hey, um," Yuuji said, leaning closer to Nagisa. "Do you think that we could come up with a sign, or some kind of signal? So you can discreetly let me know when the way I'm thinking about things is kinda wack…"

"I know that we come from different backgrounds, and I don't mean to make you keep track of me," he clarified. "But…I also don't wanna sound like a jerk all the time. So I'd appreciate the hint."

To illustrate, Yuuji held up one hand. "For instance, some lady my parents used to know apparently once handed her kids a 1000 yen bill because they said they wanted to go to the store and buy a banana."

Just as Yuuji had predicted, Nagisa burst into a laugh. The scale must have been just inherently bizarre to him. "Are you serious? That's ridiculous. But also kind of funny…"

He hesitated. "Do _you_ know what the usual price is?"

Yuuji paused. A brief stab of mortification and shame ran through him, before thawing away into something like reassurance. "Y-yeah," he managed. "Like…a few hundred yen? That's what the signs said last time I was in the supermarket, anyway. I think."

Nagisa smiled. That seemed to be the right answer.

"Hmm, how about this?" suggested Nagisa. "I could just say something like 'thousand-yen-banana'. Or maybe…" he paused, movements slowing along with the dawning of a thought. "'That's bananas'".

Yuuji smiled. "Makes sense! I can work with that."

"Cool."

Yuuji nodded. He shifted in his seat. "So, you'll like, make sure to tell me, right? If I uh, say something that sounds totally ridiculous again."

Nagisa nodded. "Yeah, I can do that. Only if you really want to, though. I don't mean to shame you, or anything…"

"I do want to," Yuuji said. "It's helping me to learn. And, uh…to not sound too much like that one politican."

Nagisa gave him a small admiring smile in response.

"In return, I'll give you all the rides you want on my private helicopter," Yuuji teased. "That's gotta be worth more than a 10,000 yen value."

Thankfully, Nagisa chuckled at the joke.

As the final few dishes made their way to the other side of the sink, Nagisa stacking them away into cabinets and Yuuji getting up from his seat to lend a hand, Yuuji couldn't stop a relieved smile from coming to his face. Somehow, by managing to work through the harsh feelings and focus on communication, they had turned their frustration into laughter.

In no way was it perfect. The resentment from earlier had been real, and some remnants of it still lingered in the room like a bad odor. But, at least for the moment, Yuuji wasn't too worried. He was willing to muddle through it. After all, Nagisa was worth every moment.

And if they both focused on working through the rough times, this could be something beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, all couples argue and disagree at some point. Nothing to be ashamed of, so long as it's handled in a healthy manner. I actually headcanon that arguments wouldn't happen often between these two, but it's gotta occur some time.
> 
> Whoof, writing this chapter was intimidating, which is part of what took so long…but it feels great to have finally explored this angle! The possibilities when it comes to differences between Nagisa and Yuuji's upbringings are fascinating to me. I think it could be a really fun thing to imagine.
> 
> Also I love unnecessary and gratuitous headcanoning of Yuuji's life and childhood it's my favorite thing here have a whole heaping dose in this chapter
> 
> …annnnnnnnd the (not-canon) name for Yuuji's father gets half-revealed here, whoops. :P Full reveal coming much later.
> 
> The "1000 yen banana" thing was inspired by this Arrested Development scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl_Qyk9DSUw 
> 
> Lastly, a disclaimer: I have almost zero understanding of politics in Japan or which party stands for what, so I tried to leave things mostly vague. However, I recognize that my own sense for these "issues" is shaped by my upbringing as an American, so I'm sorry for any weird or Western-centric politics stuff here. I did my best. And still feel like these are ideas these two would have to talk about.


	14. Morning Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all so so so much for keeping the passion for this story even though the main series has finished. It truly warms my heart.
> 
> Also, we're officially past the length of Found You Again! 50,000+ words in 14 chapters… Hurray, that's incredible, and onward to the future.
> 
> Warning: This chapter might make you sleepy. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery afterwards. ;)

The first thing Yuuji became aware of was a faint sensation.

A touch. A hint. A feather-light caress. Brushing, then parting, then gently pressing down flat again. Some carefree teasing, fiddling with the strands. Tracing the curve of his forehead. The side of his temple. Down and back until gradually lifting away from his skull. One long, uninterrupted trail of contact, creating a point around which his scattered thoughts slowly gathered back into consciousness. There. Then gone. Then again. Again. A stroke playing over his scalp in smooth, repetitive motions that made Yuuji want to relax even further, sink down into their grace.

Then warmth. A soft, tender movement against his lips. Yuuji's body stirred in recognition, despite his mind not being able to put words to anything just yet. _A kiss._

He blinked his eyes open. "Mmh?"

The sight that greeted him was one of Nagisa lying there. The young man was lounging in bed, flat on his side and yet appearing to be right-side-up according to Yuuji's own drowsy perspective. He filled Yuuji's vision, no more than a few centimeters away, from his head resting against the pillow down to the sweep of blanket slipping off of his hip. He must have been trying to wake Yuuji up with a kiss. His fingers paused where they had been petting through Yuuji's hair.

Nagisa smiled. "Morning."

Yuuji struggled to process any concrete thoughts through what felt like an ocean of molasses. "Gmrnin," he greeted sluggishly.

Even having just woken up, there was a certain beauty to Nagisa. His face was clear. His expression was relaxed, free and not yet weighted by the day's troubles. Although his blue eyes were still bleary, an affectionate light sparkled somewhere deep within. And the two of them were so close. Yuuji could feel each tickle as Nagisa's breath skimmed across his arms. Nagisa's hair was worn long, spilling over his shoulders and matted in front of his eyes. Tangled, but still wonderful just the same. He liked keeping his hair down while he slept, he had told Yuuji. Apparently it would start crinkling around the hairbands otherwise. Even now, this early, his face already held a small smile.

Yuuji shifted and tried to return the smile, ignoring how crusty his eyes and mouth felt. He ducked his head to wipe some of it away. He found it hard to care—how could he, when he had just woken up? The peace and bliss from the previous hours still glowed within his heart, as if filling him up from the inside. Every time Yuuji blinked, he was reminded of how nice sleep actually was, and felt tempted to simply give in and start drifting off once more.

Air hit their lungs, cold and slightly stuffy. The blankets lay twisted all around them, stretched and bunched up between limbs. At a distant point somewhere inside the room, sunlight filtered in through the window.

Yuuji's eyes fluttered closed. Couldn't do this. So sleepy. Didn't wanna get up, it couldn't possibly be time yet. And he felt so good right now…

Following the briefest stirrings of a thought, Yuuji shuffled forward and curled an arm around Nagisa's waist. The movement was unplanned, natural. Everything just felt so right.

Nagisa laughed, the sound patchy and creaky with night. He moved his hips back underneath Yuuji's grip and tried to brush him off, ineffectively. "C'mon, sleepyhead. Time to get up."

"Idunwaughfna." Yuuji mumbled out something definitely not in any intelligible language.

After a brief moment of struggle, Nagisa seemed to relent. Apparently he also felt the pull of the spell that a slow morning could cast. He leaned in closer to Yuuji, nestling deeper into the blankets, seeking warmth and comfort as only humans did.

Yuuji shifted to welcome him. A sigh escaped Yuuji, something within him seeming to radiate contentment. Usually, Nagisa was the one who woke up at 6 am for daily training. He would do assassination-related exercises: work out, do language skills upkeep, even study some new kind of ability, whatever else he deemed necessary inside of that tatami room. Never once deviating, never making any excuses. The only exceptions were on the weekends, when he would sleep in with Yuuji. So days like these were the best.

The two of them fell back into a state of light unconsciousness, only evident when Yuuji tried to offhandedly remember the past few minutes and found that he couldn't, a block of time forever missing in some sort of soothing, dark, amorphous shape.

Seconds, minutes, moments slipped by, ebbing and flowing with each breath like sections of the tide. Without even opening his eyes, Yuuji moved to hug Nagisa from behind, nudging him over until Yuuji could snuggle into his back, arms fitting loosely around the other man's torso. Then they somehow switched, Yuuji twisting forward into the sheets as Nagisa's slender limbs embraced him and his cheek rested near Yuuji's shoulder. After another immeasurable drift between dreams, Yuuji swam back to consciousness only to find that they had shifted yet again. He lay on his back, reaching out automatically to grab at the nearest source of heat, his hand finding Nagisa already cuddling sleepily into his chest, resting in the crook of Yuuji's elbow.

Whenever Yuuji stirred he would open his eyes to find a blur, Nagisa's soft skin above or below him, then take a deep breath for a moment before readjusting only the slightest bit. Time became an hourglass without walls, each beat made of the rise and fall of breaths, the stale scent of both of them mixed together, shared heat between their skin. Whenever one of them would stir, the other would respond and shift positions, the two of them slowly uncovering all the many ways two people could fit together.

"You're so cuddly in the mornings," Nagisa remarked at last, breaking the silence. His voice was a low murmur somewhere just below eye-level. One of his hands traced along Yuuji's arm mindlessly.

"'m can't help it. 'S just how I nat'r'lly am…" said Yuuji, longer words slurring together.

"Like an octopus," Nagisa added, trying and failing yet again to remove Yuuji's arm from where it was currently wrapped around his shoulders. "I'm gonna call you an octopus from now on. At least for the first hour after waking up."

Yuuji gave no response. He still felt so at ease, mind soaked and floating in the dregs of drowsiness. And peoples' minds were often less inhibited or whatever in the mornings, so he would often become affectionate at this time. Wazzat a bad thing? He didn't think so…

With a creak of the mattress, Nagisa leaned over and brought their foreheads together. "Okay, time to wake up." He smiled at Yuuji again. "For real."

Yuuji muttered. He rolled over, stealing the bedsheets and wrapping them around his arms.

"Hey," Nagisa protested, holding back a chuckle.

Yuuji wordlessly cocooned himself deeper.

Nagisa shook his head. "Hey," he spoke up plaintively, accompanied by a shiver so pitiful that it had to have been calculated, "I'm cold."

The audible pout in his voice made Yuuji's shoulders twitch. With an almost gargantuan amount of effort, Yuuji managed to roll over, moving slow as a boulder. He extended the free edge of the blanket, letting one corner flop teasingly into view. He looked out at Nagisa from under the covers with suggestive eyes: _Why don't you come closer, then?_

In reply, Nagisa gave an eye-roll that felt far more amused than exasperated.

Following another upswelling of sleep, Yuuji's eyelids slowly fell shut. But as Yuuji drifted, he failed to remember that he was, in fact, dating a trained assassin.

A sudden yelp escaped Yuuji as he felt the pillow yanked out from beneath his head.

When he next blinked, Yuuji saw Nagisa across from him eagerly shoving his face down into the pillow with an air of quiet self-satisfaction. He must have waited until Yuuji had lowered his guard.

"Hey!" Yuuji whined, not caring how petulant he might sound. He couldn't go back to sleep without a pillow to lean on. The feeling was all wrong in his neck. He groped out for it weakly.

In response Nagisa made an even larger pillow fort, snatching and balling up all of the ones he could reach. He snuggled deeply down into them as revenge. He didn't need Yuuji anymore when he had these cushions to hug. See?

Yuuji grit his teeth. He tried to hook an elbow out and over Nagisa's body again, but found himself shrugged away.

Ultimately, Yuuji yielded the arm, taking the opportunity to scootch closer instead. He heaved himself up to a half-sitting position, leaning on one hand and bending over to trap Nagisa beneath him.

Nagisa barely even had time to look up before Yuuji kissed him.

It was a simple and lazy kiss. But the core of it felt as warm as ever, full of trust. With inhibitions lowered, there was nothing else getting in the way, nothing standing between them and what Yuuji wanted to express. And although done with lips slack, sloppy with traces of barely-fought-off sleep, the main feeling still managed to get across. Nothing but love. If their breath was musty, Yuuji didn't even notice.

They separated after a few seconds, Yuuji hovering there, squinting down at Nagisa's face.

Alright. He had probably delayed enough.

Yuuji swayed on his supporting hand as he looked out over the room. He could feel the lines of a grumpy expression carved deeply into his face, like cracks in a statue. One wall there, another wall there, then another one, with, oh yeah, the ceiling above. For a moment the colors of posters and paintings on the wall all blurred together and then settled back in their places. When had they gotten that magical teetering floor, Yuuji wondered? And why did the Sun have to be so damn bright?

He rubbed his eyes. God, he really wanted to fall back asleep, but if he had come this far, he might as well finish it off…

With a groan, Yuuji hoisted himself up. For some reason, he was on the side of the bed shoved up against the wall. Nagisa rested on the more open side, his back facing the rest of the room. Usually it was the opposite. Since Yuuji had to leave so early in the morning, the two of them had reached a tacit agreement that Nagisa would sleep on the side closest to the wall, in order to remain undisturbed when Yuuji had to head off to work. They must have switched at some point during the night. When had that happened? Yuuji scratched the side of his head. Who knew.

Wordlessly, he maneuvered himself up and over Nagisa, then stumbled off to start the brand-new day.

With both feet now on the ground, Yuuji couldn't help but feel a little more put-together. He squinted at his surroundings, mind loading up as slow as the buffering sign on a recently-launched webpage. He yawned, the first of many, and staggered over to the closet to fetch some new clothes.

In the back of his mind, Yuuji was sure he must be quite a sight. His hair was greasy when he ran a hand through it. Black tufts stood up in a tangle of cowlicks. His body felt stiff and unused, a musty sensation settling in a layer over his skin. His clothes were rumpled, pajamas bunching up around the waist. One of his socks had either disappeared or been kicked off.

And yet, despite it all, Yuuji couldn't help but carry a feeling of deep satisfaction. They hadn't done anything particularly intimate the night before—just slept. He briefly remembered falling asleep in Nagisa's arms, his nose pressed into the other man's chest. That had been all. And still, that had been everything.

As Yuuji picked out the first bits of clothing that caught his eye, the shape of Nagisa loomed in a pale blur on the edge of his vision. Nagisa was being lazier than usual this morning, Yuuji thought with a hidden grin, probably since he didn't have to get up for once. For one moment, Yuuji's sharp senses of observation noticed the other man leaning inward, curling in closer to the spot where Yuuji had lain.

A pleasant trill ran through the center of Yuuji's chest. Yup. This was better than sex, he decided. Things like this—falling asleep together, cuddling, sharing endless quiet moments of just being with each other—seemed in a way to be infinitely precious. Honestly, although Yuuji would have been the first to admit that he loved all that other stuff too, it was times like these that made him think he needed nothing else. Just waking up next to Nagisa was the most he ever wanted to ask.

For a brief moment, Yuuji wondered why he felt so happy. There wasn't anything particularly special about today. It was just the morning.

 _Sigh_. Maybe he just felt this happy every morning. What a great feeling.

In a light, breezy arc, Yuuji drifted back to the side of the bed, clothes carried in his hands. He took a seat at the edge of the mattress, letting the pants, shirt, and other items tumble down and off to the side.

When another broad yawn overtook him, Yuuji brought one hand up to rub at his face. The familiar sensation of late-morning stubble scratched roughly beneath his fingertips. Yuuji blinked as he stared blearily off into the distance. "I should shave…" he muttered without much thought.

Nearby on the bed, a sigh came over from Nagisa. He looked off towards the wall. "Me too."

There was a pause.

Then, the two of them burst out into laughter. Yuuji laughed, one hand still on his face as he clutched his stomach, rocking backwards while Nagisa shook on top of the sheets, clutching the pillow in front of him in a stranglehold. Yuuji didn't even know what was so funny. Something about how they had both been thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. Something about them both being guys. Something about them both having the kinds of problems to deal with that other couples could only imagine.

Inspired by the moment, Yuuji decided to give in to the sudden rush of affection. He twisted to his right, placing one hand on the bedspread in order to lean in close. He brought his face down to Nagisa's and nuzzled, causing their cheeks to grate together with a feeling like two pieces of sandpaper.

Nagisa made a face at him, but didn't wriggle away. Yuuji knew he was just teasing.

A grin came to Yuuji's face. As funny as it was, he loved how their stubble would sometimes scratch in the morning. He called 'em sandpaper kisses.

That's right, Yuuji thought privately to himself. It was kinda fun, actually, having certain things in common like this—at first a bit awkward, but then quickly turned into something really great. Those days when they both decided that they wanted a shave, meeting each other at the bathroom door, hands reaching for the doorknob at the same time and glancing up to give each other an incredulous look… Well, they had managed to work out a system eventually. Conversations were great—they could both complain about things in life and, if Yuuji wasn't imagining it, there would sometimes be this mutual sense of connection and unique understanding running underneath it all. And sleeping shirtless together was fun—bare chests sliding over one another like two river rocks.

Yuuji knew that this wasn't actually too unusual. There were plenty of couples like them in the world, after all. Still, it wasn't like Yuuji had ever really pictured himself living like this, so he had to admit, the differences still stuck in his mind from time to time.

Hmm. Thinking about all that made Yuuji's heart almost feel like it was singing.

So naturally, he turned to Nagisa and winked.

"Hey, should I come back to bed?" said Yuuji, voice teasing. "You look like you could still use my company…"

"Or I mean, maybe," Yuuji suggested, another idea occurring to him. He scratched his scalp and tried to resist the urge to look away in a fit of self-consciousness. Goddammit. Way to go idiot, c'mon, be smooth. There was something else they could try, another thing that he had heard other couples enjoyed. Yuuji wasn't really sure whether he would like it or not, but there was only one way to find out. "We could…take a shower together?"

An excited jump started in Yuuji's stomach at the thought. Heh, they could even tease each other and use some sort of excuse, like saying it was to "save water" or "get each other clean"…

But the look on Nagisa's face was one of an unappreciative grimace.

"Hmm…." Nagisa hummed. His feet kicked lazily in the sheets as he seemed to turn the offer over in his mind. "No, sorry. I'd rather not."

Yuuji's heart sunk. "Why not?" he said, a tide of confusion and hurt rising inside of him despite his best efforts. Nagisa had been so open to things in the past…

Nagisa shrugged. "I'm just not really into it today. Sorry."

Yuuji stared over at him, left strangely empty. He didn't understand. But he shrugged, doing his best to cut off the feelings before they could turn into something like resentment. At this point in their relationship, he was prepared to give Nagisa the benefit of the doubt.

"Nah, that's fine," said Yuuji. He turned around, reaching over towards the clothes pile as if about to start sorting through them. But then he paused. Something had occurred to him. A question he had been avoiding thinking about for the longest time.

He looked back at Nagisa. "Um, by the way, I've been wondering..." Yuuji fought to hold onto his courage once Nagisa's blue gaze met him, all thoughts of their previous times spent together and what Yuuji had been thinking about this morning flooding through his mind. God, and right after he had just decided that he didn't need anything more…

Yuuji cleared his throat, shame burning inside his chest. It was difficult to ask this, but he felt that it was important to. If he didn't, he would never be able to look at Nagisa honestly for the rest of their days.

"S-sorry to randomly bring this up, but...about what you said earlier. That you don't really find, uh, sex all that appealing sometimes? How you go for a person more based off their personality, and don't really get what the big deal is?” Yuuji swallowed. "Like, what was that word you used once, 'demi'? Which means like, people who don't really feel an innate attraction to that kinda stuff…"

He fought down a sudden wave of nausea, "Oh god, I haven't been…forcing you into anything, have I?"

Nagisa blinked. His gaze went distant in thought for a moment. "No, I like doing it with you," he replied.

Cold relief shot through Yuuji. "Oh. Ok. Great," he said, faking a cheerful tone and breathing through the remnants of worry that he could have ever been one to hurt Nagisa, even unintentionally. "Well, if you ever don't want to, just feel free to say no."

"Even if, like, we're halfway into it, or something," Yuuji babbled, repeating lines he had heard from doing some research on the subject, "you're always allowed to speak up. I don't want to make you uncomfortable…"

He hung his head. "I mean, this is all about you, really. I'm your boyfriend, s-so I want to make you happy. As pleased as possible. And I can't do that if I'm actually hurting you. I know this stuff is kind of, um," Yuuji trailed off again, swallowing down his embarrassment. "It's still kinda new, for both of us. So just let me know. I want to be…a good person for you. So. Yeah."

A silent moment rolled by, leaving Yuuji's words to linger in the air.

Lying on the bed, Nagisa raised his hands over his head and gave a big stretch. "That's sweet of you, Yuuji. I appreciate that," Nagisa replied, a small smile coming to his face. "I don't want you fretting over things all the time though. How about this—I'll tell you if I feel uncomfortable. Until then, between the two of us, you can assume that yes, I'm open to things. Most of the time, anyway. Still, I do appreciate you being thoughtful."

"Oh. Cool," said Yuuji. Somehow, at the sound of Nagisa's words, all the anxiety melted out of his limbs like ice.

"I mean, good, because honestly-" Yuuji then burst out, desperate to lighten the mood. He smiled and winked, shooting finger guns over at Nagisa. "Pretty young thing like you makes me wanna hear the word 'yes' _way_ more often."

As soon as he realized what he had said, a moment of panic spiked through Yuuji. "Sorry!" he exclaimed, waving one hand through the air as if to banish the remark. "God, can I just give you one second without trying to make things weird?"

Yuuji whipped his head back around, sinking down into self-directed fuming. Idiot! Always trying to turn something romantic into something physical—Nagisa must hate that! From what Yuuji remembered, Nagisa had said that too much focus on such things made him feel like a relationship was shallow, and he had seen how Nagisa would sometimes stare at a racy scene in a movie with a frown and quiet uncertainty. Which, coming from him, was basically disgust. Yuuji had meant his words as a compliment, but still. Somehow they hadn't quite come out that way…

Yuuji kept his head bowed, furiously focusing on the clothes pile. He unfolded a pair of pants, shoving a shirt aside and fiddling with the socks, rubbing the material between his fingers.

Beside him on the bed, Nagisa stared. Yuuji hardly even noticed until Nagisa shifted and began to move.

Nagisa rose, slowly, arching up onto his elbows and then flipping over. He inched closer, moving with the same amount of patience and stealth that he had used before to get the pillow.

With the grace of a river, Nagisa crawled over to Yuuji, swinging a leg around his hips in order to sit directly in Yuuji's lap. "Yuuji," Nagisa said, looking him in the eye. "Haven't you ever noticed," a small grin came to his face, "that whenever you kiss me, I kiss back?"

Yuuji stared at him with a quiet, shocked gaze. Nagisa had moved so quickly, he didn't even have time to blush.

"If it's you, I'm fine," Nagisa whispered. "I don't feel forced, Yuuji, and I'm not faking anything. If you'd like, I can show that to you as many times as needed. Like this…"

His gaze asked a question.

Too tongue-tied for words, Yuuji nodded.

At the small show of assent, Nagisa leaned forward. He shifted onto his knees, bringing his face up to Yuuji for a kiss. The sudden contact made Yuuji's eyes go wide for a moment before he automatically relaxed. Nagisa initiated this. Nagisa was asking this of him. Wanting him.

A familiar heat rushed through Yuuji, like all the many times before. At last, he relaxed, letting all thoughts and worries slip from his mind. There was nothing to worry about. He could let go. Then, he was falling without ever leaving the ground, lost in the freefall of them both intertwined.

A sort of rhythm began between them, Yuuji closing his eyes and swaying with it, pulling at the other man's back until they both collapsed back down onto the mattress.

Nagisa sighed. His hands moved all around Yuuji, tracing over collarbones and gliding over his nightshirt as if on automatic. "I still dun' really wanna do 'nything more," Nagisa said, a bit of sleep-slurring entering his words for the first time that day. "But stuff like this? This 's sorta nice."

Yuuji didn't answer, preferring to express his response with his body instead.

He pulled Nagisa close, snuggling down into his sky-blue hair. Without any more encouragement, Nagisa took an assertive role, slipping an arm past Yuuji's elbow in order to rub at his lower back and side. Nagisa pushed with his feet, rocking the two of them closer towards the wall and nudging until he had gotten Yuuji off-balance. The two of them rolled over, snuggling still closer and cuddling tight to each other in response.

Surrounded by the bedsheets again, they lay there for a moment, content to simply be with each other for another heartbeat.

Yuuji chuckled. Sometimes this bed seemed like an entire world, impossible to just leave.

He breathed easy as Nagisa lay there on top of him, graceful eyes closed, one hand gripping at Yuuji's shirt. Yuuji felt a little more awake now, but with a sight like this, he was content to lie here for as long as they both might need.

Soon, he figured, they would get up for real, yawning, Nagisa shuffling off to retrieve some clothes from his own room, then go make breakfast, taking their time at the table, alertness sparking in their eyes, before beginning the day's adventures.

But for now—Yuuji's eyes slowly fluttered shut—maybe, while they still could, they could rest a little while longer.

Yes, just a little bit longer…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I headcanon that Yuuji's a huge cuddler. And when he's sleepy, he's less inhibited, so it's even more noticeable then. Despite how forward he might act while flirting, I can imagine he'd be perfectly happy to just lay down with someone and snuggle for hours.
> 
> As for that whole callback to Nagisa being demi, I know that they already talked about it a little in chp 2, but hey. It's always important to re-communicate and check in about boundaries, so that's what I wanted Yuuji to have to have the opportunity of doing here. Plus idk, this is just how things were imagined inside my head, so here we are.
> 
> No apologies for the shameless fluff; after all the things that have been happening lately, I figured we all needed it.


	15. Chores Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...RING-RING, RING-RING. YOU HEAR THAT? That’s the sound of it being time to wake these two up from their nap.
> 
> Urgh, I had a feeling this might happen… Brief summary: Started study abroad applications, formally applied to a Japanese university, had regular college work plus exams, then scholarship searching, filling out half-a-dozen financial-aid apps, trying to have a social life, final exams, then worked all through the summer. But now I am officially abroad, and enjoying life in Japan!
> 
> Anyway, there is no possible way to apologize properly to all of you. I understand if people have migrated away from the AC fandom, or if you might need to go back and refamiliarize yourself with the fic. Take your time. Honestly, I’m going to take some time to zip back and do a small bit of re-writing for certain chapters over the next two weeks, so we’re kind of on the same page in that regard. Please pardon any clunky writing patches in the meantime and let me know where they are. u.u
> 
> But I’ve had plenty of time to charge up ideas, and now my writing beam is ready to fire. 8) The ride never stops until it’s over!

So many months had gone by, that sometimes Yuuji had to stop for a moment and remind himself that this was still real.  
  
One thing he had discovered: while life with Nagisa settled into a rhythm, it was never, ever boring. Nagisa had officially moved in by now, bringing with him a few large duffel bags one day and equipment that managed to fill up his “guest room” nicely. Although, to be honest, it wasn’t much of a guest room anymore. When Yuuji asked where he had been hiding those things, Nagisa had simply shrugged and said a temporary storage facility. Yuuji did not inquire further. Karma was also an outside visitor, though only occasionally, popping in once in a while just to tease the two of them and eat up all of the best food in Yuuji’s fridge. Still though. If this was Yuuji’s life from now on, Yuuji had to admit that he liked it very well.  
  
So much time, so little time. That was the way the world worked. In the mornings there would be Nagisa practicing languages, the sound of his voice faintly audible through the neighboring wall. In the evenings, there would be Yuuji slyly attempting to ‘volunteer’ as a practice dummy in case Nagisa ever wanted to brush up on seduction techniques. Whenever Yuuji reached for a piece of clothing and dug up one of Nagisa’s rubber knives instead, or whenever Nagisa would comment on how Yuuji had sounded while singing (then slipping, then falling) in the shower, or given how Yuuji knew to tiptoe softly past the tatami workout room during the times when Nagisa would have it in use, Yuuji would think about it.  
  
What they had so far was mostly a regular life, but one made happier with the moments they got to share outside of the hum-drum of everyday. Those moments whenever Yuuji would come home from work, groaning and in need of a quick dose of affection. Those moments whenever Yuuji would look over and find Nagisa curled up on the couch, his eyes shining as he read through a book containing information on some new assassination topic or obscure skill. The times when they had made each other laugh so hard they cried, curled up on Yuuji’s bed with a laptop open in front of them, giggling themselves into a stupor. The nights of nightmares. The mini-dates out to restaurants. And the conversations they had that had been painful.  
  
Being young adults was hard, but some days were easier than others. And no matter what, at least they were facing them together. There was no one else who Yuuji would rather be lost in life with.  
  
“-ji. Yuuji?”  
  
“Hm?” Yuuji blinked, dragged suddenly back into reality. He was sitting at the dining table, one elbow aching from the weight of resting his chin on his right hand. Whoops. He must have been spacing out for quite a long time.  
  
From over by the doorway, Nagisa raised an eyebrow. “You slept in so late,” he commented. “How are you still tired?”  
  
“My body got used to it,” Yuuji mumbled, “and now it thinks being dormant is its natural state.” He rubbed the lingering drowsiness from his eyes before taking another sip of coffee. Since there was nothing big planned today, he was wearing a regular white T-shirt over comfortable lounge pants. His hair was still messy from the extended nap. More rarely, for now he was hatless, one of his ever-present baseball caps resting a drawer somewhere along with all the others. “Just give me some time and I’ll be right as rain. Eventually…”  
  
“Okay. Well, I look forward to you bouncing off the walls with excitement again,” Nagisa teased. “In the meantime, I’m going out.”  
  
“Oh? Where to?”  
  
“The store.”  
  
“Ah, okay,” replied Yuuji. “Have fun.” Ooh, was he getting some more fresh fruit and pumpkin pudding for dessert? Yuuji couldn’t wait. He loved it when Nagisa cooked for him.  
  
A sigh of anticipation left Yuuji. Delicious food, and a boyfriend on the side. What could be better?  
  
“Not sure if I’d really say that heading down to the store counts as ’having fun’, but if you insist.” Nagisa smiled—a flash of genuine amusement, the kind that made Yuuji’s whole day just a few degrees brighter. And such quiet sass. Yuuji knew that Nagisa had this subtle edge to him, but he was one of the few people who got to see it so often first-hand. Man. The others really didn’t know what they were missing.  
  
Nagisa turned to leave. “Alright. I’ll be going, then. See you later.”  
  
Yuuji raised one hand and gave a two-fingered salute as a send-off.  
  
There was a brief silence as Nagisa disappeared, followed by the click of the door swinging shut.  
  
And that was that. All at once, Yuuji’s surroundings were made up of nothing but the dining room and its furniture. A few exotic houseplants stood in the corners. Sunlight dappled over the white walls.  
  
Hmm, what should he do? Yuuji let his attention roam lazily around the room. Anything but office work, ugh. That was for sure. He could catch up on his video games, or maybe try to learn a new dance move. Or… There was that new restaurant that had just opened, wasn't there? The one with that fire-roasting gimmick that sounded pretty promising. Yuuji was halfway out of his seat before remembering that, wait, the place would be closed today. Dang. Well, he could always call up the ol’ boys and ask if anyone was down to go clubbing tonight? It had been a while, but Yuuji was always ready to tear up any dance floor. Yuuji still liked the night-life, even if not quite in the ways he used to.  
  
Yuuji’s thoughts wandered for a few minutes. Then, like a thread catching on a snag, they suddenly came to a halt. A few tiny details floated to the front of Yuuji’s mind. Was it just his imagination, or had Nagisa seemed a little tired, recently? Those crinkles around the corners of his eyes. The quiet sigh he had given this morning when looking over the pile of dishes to be done.  
  
It was hard to tell, sometimes. Despite all of Yuuji’s natural powers of observation, Nagisa could be notoriously private and closed off. Thankfully, after living with him for a good half-a-year now, Yuuji had learned that even people like him did get easier to read. And so whenever Yuuji’s subconsciousness started ringing out alarm bells, Yuuji had learned to pay attention to it.  
  
Yuuji rubbed his chin. Hmm, come to think of it, Nagisa had been doing an awful lot lately, what with keeping up with housework, cooking, and now zipping out to get groceries…  
  
A realization hit him like a bolt of lightning. No. No way. What the hell. Yuuji knew this kind of dynamic. It was impossible to get away from in today’s society. Immediately, his mind filled in the blanks with a certain image: Yuuji putting on a suit and heading off to work in the morning, earning money while Nagisa sat at home, happily tending to things around the house until evening time, when he would welcome Yuuji back. It was almost like...one of those standard salaryman and dutiful housewife scenarios.  
  
For some reason, the idea made a dark shiver go down Yuuji’s spine. Oh god, what had he been thinking? What had he—what had _they_ —been doing all this time? How could things possibly end up like this? It wasn’t like being a housewife was bad, as Yuuji definitely knew a few who enjoyed that kind of life. But that wasn’t the point here. One of the most skilled assassins in the world, and Yuuji had guilt-tripped him into doing his laundry!  
  
A passive partner who just smiled and idled around while their partner was away, spending so much time wrapped up in domestic duties that they had almost no time to themselves… Yuuji’s stomach did a flip-flop. Yuuji didn’t want Nagisa to feel like that. He saw in him so much more. That wasn’t, well…that wasn’t what he pictured Nagisa doing with the rest of his life. And surely if Yuuji wanted something more out of his own existence, then Nagisa would want the same?  
  
The sudden panic made his breath come quicker, a retroactive shame burning hotter into Yuuji the more he thought about it. Nagisa was always so sweet, cooperating politely and helpful to a fault, often picking up after the two of them and doing chores way before Yuuji would even notice they needed to be done. What had he ended up turning Nagisa into? All this time, had Yuuji just been using him for his own selfish gains? With a lurching sensation, he realized that just might be possible. This whole time, had Yuuji ever actually once stopped to ask Nagisa if that was what he wanted?  
  
The searing heat of guilt turned into a determined fire inside of Yuuji’s stomach. He stood from the table, shoving his chair back in a way that made a loud screech ring out. Well, that settled it. He would pay Nagisa back. He would show him that he wasn’t just some useless, layabout rich-kid lover. He could do chores too. He could help!  
  
And the first item on his list would be to lighten Nagisa’s load.

* * *

“Alright”, Yuuji announced, standing in the living room. He put on a blue baseball cap, wriggling it decisively to make sure it was wedged down to pin the hair out of his eyes. “Let’s do this!”  
  
Today’s mission had begun: Operation Show Nagisa his Skills was a go!  
  
At once, Yuuji strutted over to the kitchen, his arms swinging like a soldier swaggering into battle.  
  
He got this in the bag. After all, Yuuji had spent a good amount of time as a bachelor before Nagisa had returned, and there was no way he could have survived without having some basic knowledge about how to keep a house running.  What did Nagisa take him for, a chump? Stuff like how to use a laundry machine, and cooking simple meals (although to be honest, it was almost always easier to go to restaurants or order out. A lot.), along with cleaning out the place every once in a while, was all child’s play to the great Yuuji Norita. So he knew a thing or two about housework by now.  
  
Or, at least, Yuuji thought he did. A faint realization occurred to Yuuji. For some reason, despite his parents’ recommendations, he had never actually gotten around to stuff like hiring a permanent cleaning crew. Don’t get him wrong, he had done so for holidays and such, and before any visit from his parents, so they could at least rest easy with the impression that their son wasn’t spending his young-adulthood lying in his own dust. But until things reached a certain point of badness, or stuff started piling up in places he couldn’t reach, Yuuji had mostly left it alone. He wondered why…  
  
A veiled darkness closed in, murky as cobwebs shrouding the back of Yuuji’s mind. He had the most uncomfortable feeling something was stirring back there, and that if he thought too hard, he could start to figure it out. And somehow Yuuji knew he didn’t want to. Summoning his nerves, Yuuji shrugged it away.  
  
Anyway. Step One on his master plan to help out Nagisa: He would make lunch. That seemed easy enough.  
  
Ahh, wouldn’t that be the best feeling ever? To see Nagisa returning home, the young man stepping through the doorway and his jaw dropping open in surprise at the sight of Yuuji waiting for him, sitting there at the table ready to welcome him with a gigantic homemade feast.  
  
The thought of it brought an absent-minded grin to Yuuji’s face. Yes, he could picture that so clearly he could taste it. Or maybe mostly taste the food.  
  
Speaking of food.  
  
Yuuji stepped into the kitchen and placed both hands on his hips as he surveyed his domain. The kitchen was not huge, but larger than the ones in most houses. After all, this place belonged to a gourmet. The room was shaped like a rectangle, with smooth counters stretching along both the left- and right-hand sides. It was rather Western in design, but Yuuji found that he preferred the wider spaces. More room meant more space for preparation and different types of cuisine. On the right-hand side, a small window space had been cut out of the wall, creating a classy link between the inner space and the outer dining area. This also allowed any outside observer to catch a few glimpses inside to watch whoever was working at the time. Yuuji wasn’t going to deny, that part had always been a bit of a thrill.  
  
But today, the person who was going to be relied upon for cooking was him! Yuuji barely allowed himself a second to pause. He flicked on the lights and began opening drawers, searching for culinary materials. All he had to do was chop and mix some stuff, right? A few bowls and cutting boards should be sufficient.  
  
Yuuji brought out some utensils and placed them on the counter. So many possibilities. What should he even make?  
  
The soaring momentum of Yuuji’s thoughts hit a slight bump. Once he thought about it for more than half a moment, his mind seemed to take on the feeling of a blank white canvas. His knowledge of professional dishes was encyclopedic, but an idea of how to start the first step of them himself was a different story.  
  
Also, he didn’t know very many “lunch” dishes that would be easy to make off the cuff of his sleeve. Soup and rice, maybe? Yes, something simple, Yuuji decided. That sounded like it would be good to start with.  
  
He ducked down immediately, searching through cabinets. He was pretty sure the rice was kept here. And the miso, where was that again? Dang, where had Nagisa decided to put the tofu?  
  
Before Yuuji knew it, he had spent the last ten minutes scrounging around for ingredients. He held a small package up to his line of sight, straining to read the label. What was this? Did bonito flakes go in miso? They did, right? And if this was in a package, did that mean it was still supposed to be prepped the same?  
  
Yuuji searched his memory, trying to remember how he had watched chefs, thousands of chefs, whip up miso soup before. But in this kind of environment, it was all a blur. The images just didn’t connect well between the amenities and slick veneer of professional kitchens and the smaller confines of this one.  
  
Shoot, Yuuji realized with a jolt, looking up at the clock. What was he doing? He needed to hurry up before Nagisa came home.  There was no point in doing all this if Nagisa came back before it was ready!  
  
At last, he had everything spread out across the counters. “Okay, got it,” Yuuji huffed. Cooking pots and stuff were lined up and ready to go. He eyed the packet of flavoring resting to his side. Miso soup. One of the simplest things in the world. He could make that, right?  
  
Moving quickly, Yuuji threw together what he was pretty sure was a basic miso soup. He boiled some water, then added nori and a few other things for flavor. With careful concentration, he squeezed the contents of the miso packet into the mix. After stirring for a few minutes, though, something already didn’t seem quite right. Yuuji lifted up his wooden spoon, a few drops of brown-colored sludge dripping off of the ends. The darn stuff was clumping together. What the hell?  
  
Maybe he just needed to stir it more. Yuuji gripped the handle of the pot with one hand, holding tight as he whirled the spoon around like a maniac, creating a miniature whirlpool within the saucepan. But at least it did seem to be effective, somewhat.  
  
After only a few moments though, he paused, yanking his hand away when the heat from the handle began to build up. Darn sensitive rich-kid hands. He had none of the endurance, none of the calluses or built-up tolerance that allowed lifelong chefs to just reach out and handle hot surfaces. Instead, each flash of heat and splash of boiling water made Yuuji flinch back in fear. It wasn’t his fault! He didn’t know what would end up burning him, and what would not.  
  
Then, that was done. Now to let it simmer. Yuuji hummed to himself, casting his gaze around. The rice. Yet another dragon to slay.  
  
Should he use the cooker, or go traditional? Yuuji spent only a few seconds deliberating before grabbing and ripping open the bag of rice. Traditional, of course. That would be way more impressive.  
  
Bowls clanked and strainers slid against the counter-top as Yuuji moved over to the sink. One clatter and shift of grains into a large mixing bowl later, he was ready. Yuuji glanced between the bowl of rice and the faucet, frowning. The traditional way to make rice involved washing it first, right? He had never actually seen that done before.  
  
After bringing out his cell phone and surrendering to the mystical powers of the internet, Yuuji cursed. It had to be washed three to four times? Not just once? And then left to soak? What was this madness?  
  
Yuuji cut off the brief edges of anxiety and despair beginning to rise in his heart. There was no room for complaining. He had decided to do this, damn it, and he would. Yuuji set to work, pouring water into the bowl until it covered all the rice, then doing what he was pretty sure counted as “washing” it, working his arms and swiping his hand through the bowl like a raccoon fishing for prey in a river. Clouds of white filmy dust rose up from the grains until it floated all through the water. Once that happened, Yuuji dumped it all out and started again.  
  
Yuuji bent over the counter, breathing a bit harder than usual as his shoulders ached. Who knew that simply swishing things around in a bowl could get so tiring? And some people like Nagisa managed to do this every day? Incredible.  
  
Once the cleaning ritual was complete, Yuuji left the mass of rice soaking in its bowl. He heaved a sigh of relief. Take that, you dumb fluffy white pieces of heck.  
  
Yuuji tapped his foot. There was nothing to do now. All he could do was wait until things were ready for the next step. Dang, did cooking always involve so much standing around-  
  
Wait a minute. A sudden thought prompted Yuuji to turn and look over his shoulder at the rest of the kitchen. Wasn’t it just a bit too quiet, here? Given how the timing was staggered, it was entirely possible that he could have started some other component within this timeframe. Wasn’t that the way Nagisa always did it?  
  
As he thought about it, Yuuji’s heart rate increased from normal to horse race-track speeds. Stupid! He grit his teeth and cursed himself. Of course cooks would have multiple things running at the same time, otherwise how would professional chefs ever do stuff like feed a ballroom full of people? He should have started the longest task first, then he could have squeezed in the soup while doing his waiting. That would have been the most economical. Yuuji stood silent for a moment, awash in the waves of his own stupidity.  
  
Yuuji gazed out over the wild and unforgiving kitchen tundra. Cooking was so much harder than it looked. He was capable of critiquing a chef’s use of spices, and could describe the edges of their knife work from the cuts of meat against his tongue, but when it came right down to it, Yuuji had no idea of how to do those things himself. He felt so sorry for every chef he had chastised for things that weren’t exactly their fault, like leaving a tray in the oven for just a few minutes too long, or serving cookies that looked more like squares. As a retired gourmet critic, Yuuji sure was feeling the heat himself, now.  
  
Then he shook himself. Ah, forget it; he’d just let the rice soak on its own time. The soup might be a bit weird, but so long as he kept it covered and off of direct heat, it’d be fine.  
  
Probably.  
  
“Okay,” he huffed. There were pots on the stove. The rice was having a nice damn bath in the sink. The place might have looked like everything had been hit by an amateur-chef tornado, but at least it was a start. “While this is working, I can go do something else…”  
  
What was next? Yuuji exited the kitchen and stepped quickly down the hall. Cleaning! That sounded like a good, nice, homey thing to do, to welcome Nagisa back to clean floors, not a speck of dust in sight, and a living room spic and span, ripe with the promise of more free time in the day which could then be used however they would like.  
  
Thankfully, Nagisa stashed all their cleaning supplies in the front closet, so Yuuji knew right where to find what he needed. Armed with a broom in one hand and basket full of cleaning supplies in the other, Yuuji started with the nearest room.  
  
First Yuuji began sweeping, scooting the bristled front end of the broom across the smooth expanse of polished wood. When he came to the carpet, he switched it up, changing to a vacuum as he forged a path ever onward. Back and forth, back and forth. This way and that way, and make sure to get the corners too. Yuuji had, if he was being perfectly honest, no idea what he was doing, as he waved the vacuum pole around like it was a magic wand. But at the very least, things did seem to be getting cleaner.  
  
Particles of dust kicked up by the cleaning frenzy drifted into Yuuji’s lungs, making him cough. Agh, c’mon. Yuuji steeled his spirit. This was nothing! He tried to channel the spirit of the maids he had always seen.  
  
There had been plenty of them, ever since he was young, a well-trained brigade in modest black dresses. Nothing like the commercialized image of so-called french maids, god no. He remembered them as a flock of quiet, quick women, always ducking in and out of rooms, taking care of business in any place they were needed, and gossiping among each other later in back rooms whenever they thought their employers weren’t around. They knew how to do everything—polish the hanging chandelier, clear up any gross stains from even the most stubborn or antique rug, patch up and iron Yuuji’s school uniform, get wine splatters out of a tablecloth, you name it. Always with a quiet grace, efficient and tidy so as to remain as out-of-the-way as possible. Yuuji tried to copy what he had seen: the lift of an arm, how to rise up on the tips of ones toes in order to reach an especially tricky corner spot, exactly how many times one was supposed to go over the same spot on the same carpet with the vacuum nozzle.  
  
And of course, he had been too much of a spoiled little princeling to pay them much note, always sneering and walking in a wide arc around them, ignoring them as if they didn’t exist. He had even done things like dropped some trash next to a bin without bothering to pick it up. Why bother, if they were around? With sudden clarity, Yuuji remembered the small, mousy face of that one maid who had rushed forward to silently pick up that discarded piece of trash that one time. She had been young. Only a few years older than Yuuji, in fact. Yuuji shook his head to get rid of the memory. The thought had made a cold chill run down his spine. If only he could turn back time.  
  
Then, the windows. Yuuji faced the panes of glass, having made his way into the smaller living room. Here, one entire wall was made up of interlocking sliding glass doors, which basically counted as windows too, right? Anyway, it made for an awful lot of dirty glass to clean.  
  
Yuuji set down the materials basket. He picked up a small washcloth, a set of rubber gloves, and a spray bottle that Yuuji was pretty sure held cleaning fluid. He brought the nozzle up and started spraying. After that, he moved the cloth to follow, dutifully wiping down every centimeter of surface.  
  
But something was wrong. A faint edge of discoloration on the glass caught Yuuji’s eye. He frowned, staring down at it. Streaks. Streaks everywhere.  
  
Determined to leave no smear untouched, Yuuji went back over the lines. But after he redid one section, smoothing out those edges, others would be left on the sides. Then once he tried to fix those, other ones would be left, some drips of liquid from the spray bottle ending up on the glass below that as well. No matter what Yuuji did, it wouldn’t stop. This was insane. Like some deranged game of cat-and-mouse.  
  
Yuuji huffed. He shook the washcloth out in a fit of frustration, whacking it against his thigh. Anything he tried just made it worse! How did Nagisa do this?  
  
Yuuji squinted down at the collection of bottles in the supply basket, scanning their labels like a detective searching for clues. There had to be some kind of instructions written here.  
  
Also, damn. It was only at this moment that a thought rose in the back of Yuuji’s head. Didn’t he recall that some combinations of chemicals could be deadly? Like, bleach mixed with…well, practically anything? A shiver ran down Yuuji’s spine. Why did simply cleaning one’s house seem to require a chemistry degree?  
  
Yuuji returned his attention to the window. He moved the washcloth against the window, slower than before. He would just clean a lot more carefully, then. Yeah. That would solve everything.  
  
After Yuuji had gone over the entire window at least once, most places having been treated multiple times, he pulled back, letting the spray bottle and sopping wet washcloth flop into the basket. This seemed like another good place to pause.  
  
Now, he had to get back to kitchen and check on some things.  
  
In a flurry of motion and the thumping of footsteps across the floors, Yuuji made his way back across the house. He zipped through the open doorway and into the kitchen. One quick sweep of a glance was enough to confirm. Everything was exactly how he had left it.  
  
A white blob on the far side of the counters caught Yuuji’s eye especially. It was the rice still soaking in its bowl. From where Yuuji stood, the pale mass resting in the sink resembled a mass of slushed snow, or an unappetizing lump of mashed potatoes. A growl built in the back of Yuuji’s throat. There was no time! In a quick sequence of motion, he rushed over to the sink, drained all the water out of the bowl (while losing a couple of grains in the process, oh that was just freaking _typical_ ), and grabbed the nearby rice cooker, opening its lid and tossing the rice inside before he had time to think. Then the lid was shut, the machine plugged into the wall, and a button on the front was pressed with a pleasing beep.  
  
Yuuji cast another look around. This was pathetic. Nagisa deserved more than this! He had to be able to give him more than just basic rice and soup, at least.  
  
What could he do to give this meal a little more substance? Yuuji rifled aimlessly through the fridge. His fingers landed upon some thin, sealed packets in the meat freezer. Without thinking, he drew them out and slapped the packages upon the counter. Maybe Donburi could work?  
  
But then that brought up the question of how to cook the meat properly. For the second time that day, Yuuji leaned against the counter and brought out his phone. Yuuji scowled and shook the device, as if that would get the blank tabs to load faster. Damn.  
  
Well, nothing for it, then. Yuuji huffed. He had no choice, he thought as he brought out a small frying pan and some oil. He would just have to give it a go anyway.  
  
After doing his best to bring the meat closer to something that could be reasonably described as “cooked”, Yuuji looked around in despair. The kitchen seemed to expand in front of his eyes. His gaze was drawn between the pots on the stove, the cutting board, the sink, the rice cooker—too many points to keep track of. There was a pounding in his heart, his fingers shaking. It felt almost as if his spirit was hovering just a millimeter outside of his own skin, vibrating with each frenzied thought closer to the edge of panic.  
  
Inside, Yuuji’s instincts were screaming at him, a litany of recommendations scrolling on endless loop through his mind. Based upon his extensive critiquing experience, Yuuji already had a pretty good sense for how this meal was going to turn out, and he could tell that it was… well. To put it kindly, going to be subpar at best. The carefully-honed food senses inside his mind were already screeching like an alarm system. He grabbed the edge of a nearby counter just to have some support. It felt like Yuuji was standing on the edge of a tornado that was spinning just outside his limits of control.  
  
Augh. Yuuji grit his teeth. It was so frustrating to have his culinary ability be so far behind his inner knowledge. C’mon, he was the food guy! Good food was supposed to be his thing.  
  
Well, whatever. Yuuji forced himself to take a few deep breaths. At any rate, he had at last reached a point where Yuuji felt like he had a handle on things. Or, well, a lid on things. Literally. So maybe this was a good time to take another pause break.  
  
Yeah, that was right. Totally. Yuuji left the room, trying to convince himself all the while that this didn’t count as running away.  
  
But before Yuuji could make it back to the vacuum, still whirring where he had left it, the arc of the laundry room doorway caught his attention.  
  
Laundry? The sudden thought made Yuuji’s feet pause. The two of them already tended to do their laundry separate. But if he could do Nagisa’s portion too, that would be a special treat, wouldn’t it? That was a good, domestic thing for a partner to do. And it would go a long way towards showing how capable Yuuji was.  
  
That settled it. One quick scamper into Nagisa’s room later, Yuuji was entering the laundry room, holding the small hamper that Nagisa used for laundry in his hands. There were only a few bits of clothing in it, given how often Nagisa preferred to do the washing, but oh well. This was good enough.  
  
Yuuji set to work at once. With a flurry of movements, he opened the washing machine and began loading. A burst of pride shot through his chest with each article of clothing that passed through his grasp. Why, he even managed to add in Nagisa’s underwear without thinking about it for too long! Look at him go.  
  
Then, an unfamiliar sensation on his fingertips made Yuuji pause. He looked down at the clothes in his hands and frowned. Actually, even in this small, few-days-old pile, there was some stuff he didn’t know how to deal with… Cotton sweaters? Workout clothes, with their elastic, stretchy waistbands? Wouldn’t those things shrink or something?  
  
Yuuji scratched the back of his head as he thought. To be honest, his knowledge of laundry was more along the lines of a free-for-all. He could remember a time when this had come up-

* * *

 

_The two of them milled about, wiling away the afternoon. Nagisa sat at a nearby table, nose deep in yet another book about something obscure—Intermediate Chinese, Deadly Poisons for Dummies, or the newest bestselling English novel, no doubt. Behind him, Yuuji hummed as he rushed to finish up his chores for the day. He upended his own hamper into the gaping maw of the washing machine, then started mashing buttons._  
  
_Nagisa raised an eyebrow from the sidelines. “Are you sure that’s going to be alright, Yuuji? That looks like a little…much for one load.”_  
  
_“Yup,” Yuuji replied, unscrewing the top of a detergent bottle. High-grade hawaiian breeze scent—the most premium of its kind. His favorite. “This is how I’ve always done it.”_  
  
_“Dumping everything in at once isn’t ‘laundry’, Yuuji.”_  
  
_“Never had a mishap so far,” Yuuji quipped. “Besides, it’s much less of a hassle to just do everything at once, rather than take time separating everything. All I gotta do is keep the red stuff away from the white stuff, right? ”_  
  
_Nagisa looked as if he was about to argue for a second, but then gave up. He sighed, gazing toward the washing machine with a mixture of both pity and amusement. “If you say so. You certainly are giving that thing a workout, at any rate.”_  
  
_Nagisa turned another page in his book, the soft rustle lifting through the air. Then Nagisa frowned. He cocked his head to one side in a show of curiosity. “What about stuff that’s more delicate? Like, silk and fancy suits and stuff. I know you must have a few items like that tucked away in your closets somewhere.”_  
  
_Yuuji grinned. “That’s what professional cleaners are for!”_

* * *

Yuuji winced at the memory. It was true. He only really had second-hand knowledge when it came to this kind of stuff, even—no, especially—things that most people seemed to regard as basic skills.  
  
Yuuji looked over his surroundings in despair. This whole house was out to get him.  
  
But he couldn’t give up now. Yuuji took another deep breath, summoning his courage. Maybe he could just do this more-delicate stuff by hand, then? In fact, now that he thought a bit deeper, there was one trick he remembered seeing Nagisa do.  
  
From the cabinets beneath the laundry-room sink, Yuuji fetched out some small basins and filled them with water. Next, he placed the trickier articles of clothing in them one-by-one to soak, including whatever clothes he didn’t trust enough to put inside the regular washing machine. There. For once, that looked about right.  Yuuji rolled up his sleeves to prepare. First things first, he had to add soap, keeping things clean and making sure to get rid of dirt-  
  
A stray thought connected like the snap of a puzzle piece inside Yuuji’s head.  
  
Dirt! Hadn’t he missed a step or two back there? The vacuum had been left running, and though Yuuji had done at least half the job, it was only now that he realized he had forgotten to get the front hallway. Which was exactly the section that Nagisa was bound to see first. Shoot. There was no point in doing any of this if the first place that Nagisa saw still looked like a pigsty!  
  
Everything about the laundry immediately tossed from his mind, Yuuji ran back. He had rushed back and forth so much across these rooms today that it was making him dizzy. But he had no choice!  
  
At once, Yuuji found himself back in the smaller living room. He picked up the vacuum, finishing up the rug around it as quickly as possible. Now he just had to haul the whole thing over to the front hallway. Once there, Yuuji gave the hallway a swift once-over, making sure to go gentle on the wood floors compared to the rugs. After that, he moved on to dust. Dusting was easy, he figured, swiping a cleaning cloth over everything within sight. You just had to wave a rag or feather-wand around for a while, right? Yeah, just wipe down a surface here, swat away some spiderwebs there. Yuuji frowned. But then… he could still see tiny particles floating in the air, visible whenever they passed through a patch of light. There were so many. And why was the dust going down onto the floor he had just cleaned? Damn it!  
  
After finishing up in a frenzy, Yuuji looked out over his good—well, passable—work. At last he allowed himself to relax. Whew. Finally, that bit was over too.  
  
But, it still felt like he was forgetting something…  
  
A bitter, sour stench curled through the air to hit Yuuji’s nostrils.  
  
Yuuji muttered a curse. He turned and sprinted toward the kitchen.  
  
When he arrived, he was greeted with an utter mess. On the stove, the small soup pot was overboiling, the miso mixture forming brown bubbles and evaporating into nothingness against its side. A foul-smelling steam escaped into the air, the gap between the pot lid emitting a harsh whistling screech. The strips of meat in a nearby pan looked as if they had turned into soggy strips of band-aids, more than anything else. Yuuji didn’t even want to think about the state of the rice.  
  
No time to think. Yuuji leapt into action. He grabbed to rescue the pot then immediately cursed, juggling the handle between his hands. “Hot, hot, hot!” Yuuji fumbled, switching the searing-hot pot from his own palms to the stovetop and then back, panic making his every movement jittery as he struggled to search through the other drawers with one hand. Where was an oven mitt? He needed something to put between himself and this fireball, damn it! A smell of curdled and blackened soup stock choked the air. It was almost bad enough to make Yuuji retch. Off on the side, the rice cooker timer went off with an almost-comical understated ding. Then, just to top it all off, an ear-piercing screech reminded Yuuji of the blessing that, yes, Japanese houses did indeed have smoke alarms.  
  
From the other room, there came the soft sound of a door unlocking.  
  
“Hey Yuuji,” Nagisa spoke as he entered the doorway with a clack. A bag full of groceries was carried in one of his hands, and a thick manila envelope in the other. “I’m back-”  
  
He stopped. His eyes flew wide.  
  
This was the scene that he came home to: vacuum-cleaner left running, whirring in a sad sight down the hallway where it had been abandoned, the scent of scorched food permeating the air, scattered cleaning supplies and bottles of chemicals strewn everywhere in various states of disarray and misuse, some bottles tipped onto their sides while others lay uncapped, the smoke alarm screaming bloody murder throughout the entire house, loud enough to shake the very air itself. And Yuuji, standing there in an apron and rolled-up sweatpants, holding a foul-smelling pot in one hand and waving a fold-out fan desperately at the smoke alarm with the other, his baseball hat tipped so far to one side of his head that it was practically in danger of falling off.  
  
“Um…” Yuuji gave a nervous smile. “Welcome home?”  

* * *

Regret. Contrition. Shame. Red-hot embarrassment that throbbed through one’s veins. Movements becoming slow and stiff, awash in a meekness that infected everything one did. A prickling beneath the skin, making being alive so uncomfortable that one was tempted to just get up and run away from it all. But that was impossible. A deep remorse that burned like acid, trapped inside of the container that was Yuuji’s chest.  
  
To the side, Yuuji’s apron lay folded neatly and placed onto the nearby couch. The one thing that he had been able to do right.  
  
The vacuum had been unplugged. All cleaning supplies had been regathered and organized, sorted back into their basket. They had rescued the laundry from its soggy ponds (Nagisa had been very confused at that one), then rinsed and dried off all counters, followed by Nagisa curing the window streaks with a flick of his wrist and some treatment that Yuuji had never even thought of before. The cooking had been salvaged, and what little was edible had been saved in the refrigerator. Thank god Nagisa had brought home other groceries for dinner. That man truly was always on top of things.  
  
Yuuji’s tongue felt like lead in his mouth. He just felt so embarrassed. He sat on the floor in seiza position, head bowed and eyes downcast. Dammit, there was no way he was gonna cry, but he almost felt like he wanted to.  
  
That had been the whole point of this escapade. To be capable. This had been his big chance to prove himself, and Yuuji had failed.  
  
“Well, I think we’ve managed to get everything stable for now,” Nagisa said, reappearing from the far hallway. He sat down on the couch, limbs flopping down with a sigh.  
  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Yuuji muttered for what must have been the twentieth time. At this point, it felt as if the apologies were branded onto his tongue, carving themselves ever deeper with each pass over. Yuuji curled in on himself, shoulders buckling underneath the invisible weight of shame.  
  
“That’s okay, You don’t need to apologize. I’m not mad,” said Nagisa, proving once more that he must be a literal angel upon this Earth. No man could be so forgiving. “At the very least, no one got hurt. Which is what’s most important..”  
  
The sliver of a frown flickered across his face. “But what on earth possessed you-”  
  
“I just wanted to help!” Yuuji burst out. “You’ve been working too hard lately. You always do so much for me and- and- I didn’t really realize it until now, so I felt horrible. It just seemed like…” He sagged. “I just didn’t want you to feel like everything was your job alone.”  
  
Nagisa blinked as Yuuji’s words hit. A few moments passed before he spoke.  
  
“I… oh. Wow. Thank you, Yuuji. That’s…actually kind of sweet of you.” Nagisa shifted in his seat, as if not used to others considering him in this way. “So, that’s why you did all this?”  
  
Yuuji nodded.  
  
“The kitchen, the house chores?”  
  
Another nod.  
  
Nagisa’s eyes were wide, seemingly impressed. “I never would have imagined,” he muttered. “So you… were just trying to make things easier on me?”  
  
Yuuji watched the fingers of his hands clench on top of his knees. “Yes,” said Yuuji. A previously-unknown resolve welled up within him. “It’s not fair for you to be responsible for so much around here. I mean, if you like doing this stuff, than that’s fine, and I won’t get in your way. But still,” Yuuji rambled, “things should be more equal between us. It’s just, that’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”  
  
“At least, I would imagine that’s what you’d want too, right? This whole time, I’ve been leaving things to you without thinking and… I guess I’ve just been kind of an inconsiderate jerk, again.” At this, Yuuji looked down and away, turning to hide the burning of held-back tears in his throat.  
  
“Yuuji,” said Nagisa, the deliberate tone in his voice stopping his rambling cold. He came over and knelt in front of Yuuji, reaching out to hold his hand. When Yuuji looked up, to his surprise, there was not a trace of judgement or disdain hiding in Nagisa’s blue eyes. Instead, they shone with an understanding warmth. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to talk about things. And by the way, this-” he gestured out over the room, “-is the exact opposite of an inconsiderate jerk.”  
  
Yuuji’s stomach twisted into a knot equal parts conflicted but happy. That Nagisa could still say that, even after all that Yuuji had messed up this afternoon… It filled him with an emotion that he couldn’t describe. He wanted more than ever to become a person who could prove himself worthy of those words.  
  
“So,” Nagisa spoke again, also seeming to be a bit awkward with how to discuss this. Maybe he was also trying to navigate the same stuffed-up, repressed feelings as Yuuji. “What would you suggest we do, from here on out?”  
  
“Uh,” Yuuji said. He hadn’t thought that far. “I don’t know, just let me carry some of the burden for you. At least make sure that I’ve got stuff to be responsible for, too.”  
  
“Okay. Then let’s try to come up with a more formalized chore schedule.” A small satisfied smile came to Nagisa’s face. “I think that might be a good start.”  
  
Yuuji nodded. “Yeah! Like, um, I could take up some of the housework, if you wanted me to. Half of the rooms. Or, well, a few of the rooms.” He winced. “Actually, there might be bit of a learning curve there, but I’ll try my best.”  
  
“And, um. For stuff like laundry, I mean, I know we do it separately anyways, but I can promise you that I’ll try to be more reliable with it from now on.” Yuuji scratched the side of his head in a fit of self-consciousness. God, why were there so many little tasks that must be done in order to keep a household running? Now he finally understood why people like his parents hired all those maids and butlers. This stuff wasn’t easy.  
  
“Okay.” Nagisa nodded. “I’ll quit stealing your hamper from time to time, then.”  
  
“Okay!” Yuuji agreed. Then, almost immediately, a sharp knife of doubt sliced through his gut. “…Um, even if I don’t understand how the machine works? Or what to do when the type of fabric is really weird?”  
  
“Read the directions,” Nagisa suggested. When Yuuji met him with a blank stare, he gave a small sigh. “I’ll teach you how. And you can always come to me with questions, if you want to make sure. But after that, you have to remember things for yourself, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Yuuji muttered. No problem. That seemed only fair.  
  
Yuuji took a breath. He looked off toward the kitchen, the faint acrid smell of smoke still scorching the air. Another thought had risen in the back of his mind. But it wasn’t easy for him to say. “Also, sorry about this too, but… Would you maybe show me a bit more about how to cook sometime?”  
  
“I-I mean, sorry,” Yuuji added quickly, waving one hand through the air. “I don’t mean to rope you into even more work trying to teach me stuff. It would just be temporary, and only for the basics, I promise! I just figured it might be nice to learn more about something that I love from the other side, for once.” He let out a self-conscious huff.  
  
Nagisa regarded him calmly. “Hmm,” he said at last. “I see what you mean. Not gonna lie, I would appreciate having some help with that…”  
  
He tapped the side of his face with one finger as if thinking. “Maybe, we could make it a weekly thing? After I walk you through a few dishes, you can be in charge of dinner at least once a week? That could help you build up more skills slowly.” A cheeky smile crossed over Nagisa’s face. “Can’t wait to eat your gourmet cooking, Yuuji.”  
  
A burst like a sunray leapt through Yuuji’s heart at the positive reception. Yuuji let out a laugh. “Sure! That sounds good to me. As long as you don’t mind starving for the first few times.”  
  
“I see. Well, I’ll be sure to keep some backup items in the fridge,” Nagisa said with a small laugh.  
  
Yuuji’s expression dissolved into a quiet flinch. “That might be a good idea. Although, never fear!” He gave a proud thumbs up. “I can use a microwave, at least. So we’ve always got that!”  
  
A larger, genuine laugh came from Nagisa. “The junior gourmet food critic, master of microwaves.”  
   
“Oh, shut up.” Yuuji’s face burned with self-consciousness again. “I’m trying to look on the bright side here. See, I’m not a total lost cause.”  
  
The air between them relaxed. Things felt better, now. And despite the lingering scent of failure that wafted among the rafters, the air inside the room seemed to have cleared. Smiles came easier, and Yuuji almost found himself looking forward to that first non-microwave training session.  
  
Yuuji let out a breath, some of the tension melting out of his chest. He felt better now. There really was something to be said for taking the chance to talk things over with ones partner. In any case, he was grateful to Nagisa for not taking the chance to rib him about the faults of his rich-kid background. It was such an easy blow at times, but Nagisa never took it. He never made Yuuji feel worse than he already did, for stuff outside of his control.  
  
Nagisa looked out over the living room as if seeing it for the first time. He let out a quiet sigh. For some reason he seemed to be moving a bit lighter, as if some kind of weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  
  
“To be honest,” spoke Nagisa, “I didn’t really like being the one most responsible for looking after the house, either. But I guess I just fell into it. I’m kind of used to having to do stuff like this, so.” He gave a shrug. “Also, things just sort of seemed to work out this way, with you away at work so long. Every couple has to find the kind of work-home balance that works best for them, and no two are alike, but still. ” He nodded to Yuuji. “I appreciate you thinking of me.”  
  
A particular expression appeared on his face. “Um, also I couldn’t help but notice. About the vaccuum cleaner… This house really is a bit big for two people. Trying to keep it all clean can be a heck of a job, even after trying to divide up the rooms among ourselves evenly. And you’ve told me that as a bachelor, trying to take care of it was even worse.” The next smile Nagisa gave was laced with forgiveness. “Would you like to maybe talk about hiring a cleaning service?”  
  
Yuuji mumbled to himself. “Nah, it’s fine.”  
  
“Are you sure?” You might have mentioned it before actually, and I’m sorry that I didn’t pay much attention at the time.” The innocent look in Nagisa’s eyes felt like it pierced right through to Yuuji’s heart.  
  
Yuuji hesitated. He fidgeted in place, shifting on his knees. “You woudn’t get mad?” he eventually asked, in a small voice.  
  
“It’s just that uh,” Yuuji continued, ruffling his own hair. “I was kind of expecting that you would see such a thing as snooty.”  
  
Nagisa blinked. He waved one hand in the air to dispel Yuuji’s worry. “Oh, no!” he claimed. “Actually, the truth is, a lot of the people back at my middle school had housekeepers and stuff.”  
  
Yuuji perked up. “Really?”  
  
“Yeah.” Nagisa’s gaze slid to the side. “Well, not necessarily the people in my own class, per se. But many of the other kids had something like that, if they could afford it. It was a pretty pricey school, after all, and located in a good area of town. Though it’s true that my family never really hired anyone.”  
  
“Still,” he offered. “We could try it if you think it might help.”  
  
Yuuji picked at the rug beneath him. “Uh… Well. In that case, maybe…someday? Not yet though.” Yuuji sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just that there’s a lot of steps we’ve been talking about in a short amount of time. And first, I think I might want to be able to feel like I can handle things on my own, before I ask anyone else to do things for me. That way I, y'know, could really know what they’re up against. I feel like that would help me have the proper respect for it. And stuff."  
  
“Okay. I understand.” Nagisa nodded. “I just wanted to let you know that the offer is open.” With another gentle smile, he stood, signaling that he was letting this thread of conversation go. “And hey, don’t worry about it.” He winked at Yuuji. “After all, if all things fail, you could always be my trophy wife.”  
  
Yuuji’s innards did a flip-flop for a second before he realized that Nagisa was joking. “Haha, very funny.”  
  
“Still though,” said Nagisa. “I really don’t think it was only you at fault. I was just going along with what I had always been used to doing. My apologies.”  
  
“Nah.” Yuuji insisted, standing up to follow him. “Turns out I was only doing what I was used to, as well. Using people. It’s me who should apologize.”  
  
“No, it’s my bad.”  
  
“No, my bad.”  
  
They had a series of mutual apologies for a while, Nagisa bowing with his face all red, apologizing for something that Yuuji really didn’t think he had any reason in the world to feel sorry for. And Yuuji waving him off every time, refusing to let him take the fall for this. After all, when you lived with someone, it was natural to make a few compromises. And Yuuji had to take responsibility for his own actions, after all. At the very least, it seemed like they had been able to come to a mutual understanding.  
  
Yuuji’s heart softened as he watched Nagisa step off through the room again, headed to make sure the last parts of their clean-up really were finished. Whether domestic or not, this man had talent in so many different areas. God, Yuuji admired that.  
  
Wait. A certain thought stopped Yuuji cold. That was right. So maybe they were determined that Nagisa wouldn’t have to shoulder the household responsibilities alone, but still. If Nagisa wasn’t actively being an assassin anymore, like how he had claimed back during that discussion with Karma, than what was he? Surely he wasn’t planning on acting like a housewife forever? The person that Yuuji knew from back in middle and high school would never have just resigned himself to life in an eternal supporting role. Didn’t he have any dreams, any personal aspirations? Was there anything on his mind?  
  
Lost in thought, Yuuji walked to head out of the room. As he went, a small smudge of color entered the corner of Yuuji’s sight. It was the bag that Nagisa had brought to the store, laying where it had been tossed onto the coffee table. Yuuji paused to pick it up as he went past.  
  
There. A small glow of satisfaction began to burn in Yuuji’s heart once again, picking up like embers after having been doused with water. Maybe as long as he kept up with little things like this, he could be considered a good partner. He was earning some good points back, at any rate. It was a start.  
  
Beneath Yuuji’s fingers came the feeling of paper crinkling. Curious, he slid the bag over to find the manila envelope from earlier. Yuuji checked its sides, hoping to god that none of the papers inside had gotten messed up or stained. Thankfully, no. It looked fine.  
  
Huh. A small stamp of text in the upper right-hand corner caught Yuuji’s sharp eyes. He squinted at it. Keisetsu University? What on earth was this for?  
  
“Yuuji!” Nagisa’s voice calling from the kitchen made Yuuji jump. “Could you come over here? We can start by showing you how to clean out a burnt pot.”  
  
Yuuji groaned. Well, a promise was a promise.  
  
In a hurry, Yuuji folded the envelope under his arm, gathering Nagisa’s small bag and calling out a quick response as he went. Whatever. There were more pressing issues at hand today.  
  
And whatever happened from here on out, Yuuji knew he still had a lot to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((naughty rich kids get placed inside of the Chores Whirlwind to atone for their sins))
> 
> My primary motivation for this chapter was realizing how much of a housewife I had unintentionally made Nagisa throughout this fic… After thinking it over, I feel like there’s no way he’d be okay with that in-character. So. I tried to take some steps to address that here.
> 
> Honest communication and cooperation with your partner is good, kiddies.


End file.
